I am not sure if I have a binging disorder or anroexia and it makes it hard for me to approach for help since I am plus sized?

Anonymous
I am plus sized and i have noticed my eating habits are the worst. I would starve myself for month, but suddenly something clicks and its almost hard for me to control my eating even if i am full or i forcefully feel hunger and deny i am hungry , chew and spit, stop craving food. I am not sure i have a problem i feel like i might be approaching one? At the same time I don’t want to feel like i am “forcing myself” to have a problem when everything is fine. Its hard for me to think i might have a problem. Every time i search they say plus sized people could have disorders related to eating but every time it seems like its not common so what are the chances. I don't know tbh should i just bite the bullet? If i go to a psychologist how do i even open up about this problem? I don’t wanna say “i have an eating disorder maybe” it sounds delusional and forceful of a “plus sized woman”. I don’t wanna put myself in awkward positions tbh. No matter how much weight i lose i am not convinced i am losing any... i was 92 kgs (202lbs) i am now 65 kgs (143lbs) I don’t see the difference at all. The more compliments i get i feel motivated to continue but it kinda forces me to stop eating. But then i binge! And its an endless cycleeeeee. Help.
I am not sure if I have a binging disorder or anroexia and it makes it hard for me to approach for help since I am plus sized?
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