He cheated on his wife with me and I had no clue that he was even married?

This military man age 28 was seeing me for three - four months we were dating. It was long distance because he was stationed at a different state (yes we have met in person and we did not meet online) (we went on a date in person). Short version of this long story. He told me he was single during the time we were dating. He was nice. However, he knew I was coming to his state (I was visiting friends). But he told me he would not be there until september. But he was there in August and so was I and he did not reach out to me. My friends live practically down the street from him. During this time he didn't contact me for two weeks and I contacted him because I was worried and wanted to make sure he was ok.

He told me that he was there in his state and kept the texting short. Then told me hours later that "I am sure we will have our chance". Then he marries someone else within these two weeks of no contact. I cut him off after that because I was hurt and devastated. NOW a month and a half later he contacts me with "hey you!". I didn't respond back because he is married. But also this shows that not only does he not respect me but he does not respect his wife or himself.

Just for you all to know lol I am 21, still never had sex (he knows this), never had a boyfriend. I did not have sex with this guy just kissed him when were dating. He was the first guy I dated.

I just need some advice on this and some understanding. Am I doing the right thing? WHY is he still contacting me if he is married? It really disgust me that he did this. I really feel bad for his wife she is beautiful and deserves so much more and so do I. I am young and still understanding things and men. Thank you so much for your time in helping me with this crappy situation. I just never delt with this before.

I was very upset. But what can I do but just respect his relationship and his marriage.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He wants his birthday cake and eat it too. He does not feel that cheating on his wife to see you is wrong. He won't think twice about cheating on you in future to see someone else. It's nice you found someone to care about. It's better you found out his true nature, before getting more involved. I advise you to run away from this guy, he is not respecting his new wife and so he is focused on his feelings and not care what he does to others. There are guys in the world who would not do this. Keep looking and find someone else. Tell him to stop contacting you and block him. If you don't, I predict you will feel like the ball inside a pin ball machine in a year or two.

    • Thank you so much. He contacted me a month later after his marriage in which I have not talked him since or contacted him since. I did not respond to his texts but next time I will tell him to stop contacting me. Thank you I really appreciate this. It helps me so much.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • dude is a dick. contact his wife and tell her you didn't know and broke it off when you found out. then leave it be

    • I wish I could. I have no idea what kind of women she is (if they married for military money, if she knows he is cheating, if me telling them will make their relationship stronger... etc.) This situation blows my F-ing mind. I had a massive brain fart and I am confused lol.

    • why can't you? if she knows no big deal. if she doesn't then she deserves to know. beyond that it isn't your problem

  • Wow that guy is a fucking moron. You didn't do anything wrong here


What Girls Said 2

  • For men sex and love and commitment are seperate. They have an unlimited ability to compartmentalize. For women they all blend.
    Clearly he is one who has no moral compass. I pitty his wife and for the enevidable.
    It's good that didn't have sex with him.
    Don't become jaded. But be aware of this quality about men.
    Sorry you had to experience this.
    Look back and study his courtship pattern. Did try to sweep you off your feet by being Mr. Wonderful? Promising you the world and talking about a future early on? If so that is a red flag. a decent honest man goes slow and takes his time in getting to know you first.

    • Yeah he did talk about kids and all of those things. I thought he was joking about those type of things... you know. I never knew that was a red flag thank you... this whole situation confuses me.

    • No worries its an experience. I don't understand why he contacted me a month later. And I never gave anything up to him. So it makes no sense. This man makes no since. Thank you for your answer you helped me a lot :)

    • You're welcome glad I could be of some help. He contacted you because he wants to keep you around for future sex on the side. Disgusting I know.

  • Why do you respect his marriage? Tell his wife. ..

    • I do not respect him. What I meant is that I have to leave it alone. I do not know his wife at all. We live in different states next to each other. She might know she might not. Could be marrying for military money. I have no idea. Sometimes telling someone that someone is cheating on them makes their relationship stronger or they think your a "bitter B&*%"...

    • Show All
    • I know right. I wish!!

    • Well I would tell her anyway... I wouldn't care if she believes me or not. I would be looking for revenge but that's just me.