Why do you believe there is a high divorce rate out there? What are solutions to this?

Honestly, it troubles me. There are GAGers whom I remember joining as married and now have divorced on their profile.

Plus in the real world, the divorce rate is high :/ And that terrifies me because I don't want to be divorced. I just really really don't.

Why do you think it exists? What are solutions to this?

Now I do know there are some cases where divorce is a must! Like abuse cases and such and that there will always be some divorce but why so high?



Most Helpful Guy

  • If I had to guess. It's because marriage is very hard. And divorces have gotten easier to obtain. Pre-women's lib a woman was very dependent on her husband for financial security. That's not the case anymore. Oddly, there is only one in my group of friends that I socialize with who is divorced.

    • I had to pick you :P

      What do you think its hard about it though?
      Really? That is pretty surprising. Almost all my classmates have divorced parents. It makes me feel lonely lol.

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    • We try when we can. It doesn't always work. I guess my point was that when people lose that excitement, they crave it. Hence the high infidelity rate.

    • I see what you mean there.

      Last one since I have been harassing you for nearly an hour now.

      So lets say today you randomly buy flowers for your wife (lets say she likes flowers) will that bring back some for her or does it have to be stronger than that?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • Im not sure how common it is, a lot of stats are exagerated but id say divorce is faily common. Well honestly I think whats more common is that people are just not getting married at all but your question is about why the people who do get married, get divorced so here's my input. ..

    1. Divorce is less frowned upon and more easily available nowadays

    2. There is a decline in religious belief (not that you need to be religious to get married) but a lot of people just see it as a traditional rather than a bond, like "hey fuck it, let's get married! " "ooh my diamond ring is bigger than Sally's !"

    3. People are more promiscuous nowadays. I can't prove this is a cause but I think it's like the l. aw of diminishing utility. The first few sex partners you have, you form a close chemical bond with them, but progressively as you have more and more, the bond you form with each new partner will become less. Also I think people have more options, so are more hesitant to just pick one. Say you have a menu with 4 things, that's easy to pick a favorite out of 4 options. However if you have 25 options it will be harder to choose and even if you do choose you might have second thoughts, "fuck I should have tried the lasagna! "

    4. People rush into mairage after only being together for a short time because they are afraid of ending up alone.

    5. People nowadays want instant gratification, and are either unwilling or unable to face conflict or compomise. So as soon as the honeymoon phase is over and they start to experience a bump in the road "fuck it, let's get divorced".

    Is this good or bad? I don't know and frankly I don't really care. I've decided for a number of reasons which I don't care to go into that I'm not going to get married. I might cohabitate but I'm not saying "I do" or going through all the agrivation. The pros just don't outweigh the cons.

    Solution? I'm not sure there is one. It seems like that's just the direction were heading in.

    • I see your point there. Nicely done with the detailed answer RACCOOON!!

    • Thanks Foooox!

      I'll also add that just because more people are getting divorced, that doesn't mean everyone is, so don't give up hope. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

    • Hmm I am eyeing someone in particular (I know I know 17 is TOO young but I am not planning to marry them lol). What I do is something really stupid >.< I tend to push people away but there was this one stubborn guy who really would not give up no matter how hard I pushed. Thus I feel as if he would attempt to keep a relationship a float.

  • Yes, divorce rates are higher, particularly when people approach age 50. Children leave home and the body chemistry as we age starts to affect us in different ways. Understanding all these things in advance gives a chance to avoid divorce, but there is very few sources of this information AND there is little interest normally in preparation. We tend to embark on marriage thinking all will be well. But in fact you can make it wonderful with preparation.
    I had a good marriage, lovely family for 33 years. It was not difficult, in fact it was very easy and I suppose we became complacent or 'asleep at the wheel'. There are a number of factors which cause divorce even in the best long term marriages. One problem is that we don't really prepare at the beginning. When trouble comes, at least one works like hell to find out what went wrong. If there is no outside interference it is possible to repair and fix. Unfortunately people outside the family will interfere and make things worse.
    I am trying now to write a book, a guide for people starting out, based on what I have learnt, but I don't really think there will be any takers.

    • Your marriage ended in divorce?

      I would totally read that book. I am terrified of divorce.

    • Well that is a good thing to be worried. Yes, I was divorced although I did nothing (outside influence). I have learnt an enormous amount since then and my ex-wife and I are still friends, but outside influence still gets in the way. I will finish the book because I think a really good marriage only a few people have and that is a shame. For me average is not good enough.

    • Gonna have to send me a link when it comes out.

      I am not exactly sure what you mean by outside influences though. :/

  • The solution is: don't get married!

  • Multiple reasons. Two big factors are:

    1. No fault divorce. Marriage is now a binding contract that can be undone for no reason at all. Formerly, a couple could split up and walk away from each other at the drop of a hat, but neither could remarry and neither walked away with alimony payments or such.

    2. Birth control pills. Women, of course, have periods. And what they find attractive, and how they act, is affected by that period. So women are dating around, they get on birth control pills, find a guy, marry, and a few years down the road they decide to pregnant, and get off the pills. Then, their system is abruptly returning to normal after having been chemically altered for years, and they find they're not actually attracted to the guy they married. Divorce!

    • I have never heard of reason two.

    • Google it, lol. :p Besides, it does make sense, doesn't it? Where a woman is on her period affects her mood, horniness, and affects what sort of guy she finds attractive, no? And bc pills work by altering the woman's hormonal state so she can't become preggo.

    • I guess so. ;p I can't argue against it.

  • I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that so many people enter into marriage with no more seriousness than a couple of kids in junior high who decide to go steady. The things that should matter to people, when it comes to sustaining a marriage, just don't. So their relationships are built on sand, and they bail out and change partners like they're getting a new phone.

  • Yes divorce rates are higher now than years ago that's why many people
    are living together it disturbs me to think that we live in a world full of infidelity
    within marriages i am age 46 never been married course got lot of heath issues
    my parents their marriage only lasted for 22 years and they divorced in June of 1994
    so that comes out it would been 30 years if they stayed together to end but they
    separated for 8 years before divorce.

  • The definition of marriage is lost. More people are seeing it as a legal contract since people aren't as religious as they used to be. Heck lots of men don't even want to get married, but they do it for the sake of tradition/keeping her happy. It's also very hard word to put up with another person's bullshit for along time lol.

  • People change and end up wanting different things or have affairs etc. The only way to stop. divorce is to bad marriage but that isn't going to happen so we are stuck with it.

    • You were the person I was referring to, I could have sworn your account said married when I first joined.

      You think the only solution is to ban it?

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    • The reasons stated above. Were together over 6 years then married then things changed young son got older priorities changed for us and it became stale and when arguments started we decided it wasn't working and split before it got worse. We're still friends and son hasn't been affected so ended well

  • Well one is probably the fact that we can keep track of the statistics better and two women's independence and financial security. So men now can get out of horrid marriages. Just a side note rape inside of marriage was legal until the late 70s if I remember correctly.

    • Uh you do know men could leave marriages whenever they wanted right? And what is your deal with women's rights?

    • Um nothing my kindle screwed up what I was try to say.

      It's suppose to say that women now can leave horrid marriages.
      Also women's rights? I think you might be reading something that is not there.

    • Oh okay I get ya lol

  • Well a fair chunk of that is millitary marriges falling apart. 19 year olds getting married for better living conditions and more money.
    Then realising they fucking hate each other and split up.

    • Well I have friends who have successful long distance relationships. But then again the horrors of war can impact the brain.

      I do see your second point though.

    • Oh no i wasn't talking about anyone getting divorced over that stuff like ptsd, you be surprised how lityle that happens. I'm saying at 19 free healthcare, a base living alouance and Base assisted housing, seem like a good idea to get married for. People then realize it's not worth the hassle of living with someone they don't really know for that stuff

    • Ohhh I see your point now.

  • I think its because both spouses have to work longer hours than ever before and by the time they get home they're too tired to work on their marriage. A marriage takes work to work.

  • Men aren't being men. Couples don't commit to staying married, couples need to work though the differences. You shouldn't worry, the decision is in your hands to commit or not along with your spouse.

  • premartial and extra martial sex, people get bored with one partner

    valuing money more than relationships, Ego and not willing to make compromises where necessary

    thank GOD divorce rate in my country is low :)

  • Simple. We try to possess our Signifigant Others as 'private property.' We're naturally promiscuous, and we naturally want to experience having intimate relations with other people. Sure some of us can handle living and dedicating our lives with one person, but the rest of us can't, but we try to force ourselves into that lifestyle because of some inherent believe about 'morality' behind it.

  • Broken relationships, and poor decisions. A lot of people marry young, and that inexperience leads to arguing, cheating, sometimes physical violence. Another reason is a difference in belief. When a Christian marries an atheist, or a Hindu marries a Buddhist, their core beliefs WILL clash 100% of the time. You cannot be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) and still expect your marriage to survive.

  • its because of feminism and their lobby that pushed for no fault divorce.

  • forbid divorce

  • Why do parents not like their kids? Because they probably don't like their significant other however didn't have the patience to wait for having sex with the right person. Then when the child is born, they are stuck in a marriage in wedlock or perhaps no marriage at all. But then when you have a spouse whom you only had sex with because of sexual urges or because of appearance then the beauty will eventually fade but their character and personality will stay. That personality will be passed onto their kids. If they despise their spouses personality, will they not see the same in their child? Without love, you've got nothing.

    Also, money. Money is a huge reason for divorce because money is power. Whoever has more money in the relationship wears the pants. Even in a partnership between a man and a woman will have its own system. Where in the pecking order are they? Is one dominant and the other submissive? The one with more money will be the dominant because honey face it, money talks. When a man makes more money then the woman has to follow him. Vice versa, if a woman makes more money then the man has to follow her and becomes emasculated by becoming a stay-at-home dad because he has no job and his wife is the breadwinner.

    • My parents like me. Or I think they do O_O

      Oh I see

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    • I know a good place where you could shove Jesus up to...

    • "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me [Jesus] before it hated you. "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.

      Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place."

  • It's women filing between 67- 70% of divorces. You tell me.

    But just to consider: could it because, based on government stats, they know they are going to be able to keep the kids, keep the house, get paid child support, and get paid alimony? Because there are no negative consequences for women not trying to make the relationship last?

    • Woah woah. I didn't say attack women. I don't want sexist answers like yours.

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    • It is also for a woman, don't try to turn this on us.

    • You're the one projecting sexist interpretations onto what I wrote. I never said it was because women were evil, or gold diggers. Just that divorce isn't a deterrent for them. Because it isn't. Men are the ones who are hurt most in divorce.

      Sometimes a woman will have a good reason for a divorce (abuse, for example). But it's highly unlikely that of all the divorces happening (and again, filed 67 - 70% of the time by women) that men were poorly behaved/abusive/unloving/etc in all of those cases. Certainly they may have been in some. But is it so unreasonable to suggest that because there were no real negatives for the women to leave (but she could financially benefit by leaving), she had no reason not to?

      And here's some stats by academics: 10-33% of men, based on demographic, are unknowingly raising kids who aren't theirs. Doesn't that suggest that women aren't particularly good honoring marital vows?

What Girls Said 6

  • I think some people don't try hard enough BUT it's mostly that divorce used to see as a shame and people would stay in a marriage even if they weren't happy. Now, if you're not happy, you can have a second change in your life.

  • very good mho choice ^^

    I think more people also tend to marry for the 'wrong' reasons nowadays. They think 'all you need is love' and marry their whirlwind romances, and don't care that they have little to nothing in common, cause opposites attract right? Wrong, and when love fades.. they divorce.

    • Eh opposites can attract but it takes work.

    • sorry, what I meant it opposites can attract, but it takes even more work for it to last. when you have similar interests and direction for life, it's already hard work to keep things fresh (like yadda said), and it's 10-fold harder when you have nothing in common.

    • Yeah I see your point.

  • This is exactly how I feel, most people are just not ready to get married I believe that you shouldn't get married if you know that your going to be bored with that person or if you don't expect to be with them in your 60's 80's ect. But people get married anyway maybe because of pop culture and weddings or they think that their in love.

    • And for a solution I think it would be easier if we lived in a society where you had to be in a realationship with someone for a set amount of time (so if your 20 you'll be 23 or 24 when your allowed to get married) before getting married so that you have a feel of what it's like to live with someone for 3+years.

    • Well I mean you should understand that we can't tell if we are going to get bored with our partners but I agree with the rest.

    • I agree! I think it should minimally be five years though.

  • People marry for the wrong reasons.

  • Being scared of divorce is not going to help the situation any better. Honestly, there are no guarantees in life and everyone experiences marriage differently.

  • Because people get married just to get married. Because people are becoming more selfish.
    People think doing certain things to look after your partner makes you weak or sets you up to be used.
    People are becoming more stubborn and less able to debate and discuss instead of argue.
    There are probably a thousand reasons really.

    But it's not everywhere. Many countries around the world still hold a much lower divorce rate. It only happens in some countries. We should look at the difference of the counties that do and don't, for a better understanding.

    • i am slightly confuse by your first point. Do you mean like they wish to be married like a princess and do nothing in the relationship?

      To your second point, can you list some examples?

      I agree with your third point.

      1 India 1.1
      2 Sri Lanka 1.5
      3 Japan 1.9
      4 Republic of Macedonia 5.0
      5 Bosnia and Herzegovina 5.0
      6 Turkey 6.0
      7 Armenia 6.0
      8 Georgia 6.6
      9 Italy 10.0
      10 Azerbaijan 10.3
      11 Albania 10.9
      12 Israel 14.8
      13 Spain 15.2
      14 Croatia 15.5
      15 Greece 15.7
      16 Singapore 17.2
      17 Poland 17.2
      18 Romania 19.1
      19 Slovenia 20.7
      20 Bulgaria 21.1
      21 Switzerland 25.5
      22 Portugal 26.2
      23 Slovakia 26.9
      24 Moldova 28.1
      25 Latvia 34.4
      26 Canada 37.0
      27 Hungary 37.5
      28 Netherlands 38.3
      29 France 38.3
      30 Lithuania 38.9
      31 Germany 39.4
      32 Iceland 39.5
      33 Ukraine 40.0
      34 Norway 40.4
      35 United Kingdom 42.6
      36 Russia 43.3
      37 Czech Republic 43.3
      38 Austria 43.4
      39 Belgium 44.0
      40 Denmark 44.5

    • Lots of people dream of a wedding, and will accept any proposal they get, even if it's the wrong relationship, just so they can have the big wedding and so they can say they are married instead of bf/gf.

      People are becoming more selfish. Like back in the day, I know most couples worked hard to make their partners happy, nowadays, the most common phrase is "as long as I'm happy" or "what about MY needs" if both people in the relationship always said "as long as you're happy" or "what do you need" they'd both never feel unfulfilled and unappreciated.

      Back in the day, men took care of women, and women took care of men. Nowadays, there are no gender rolls, and both just look out for themselves. Women think they're weak if they have dinner ready for him, and men think they're weak if they give a woman money. We're always told "don't let a man/woman do this and that" instead of being told, give each other what they want and prioritise each other.

    • I agree with your answer.