Are we really so cynical that everybody wants prenups?

Seriously? What's so wrong with loving your SO unconditionally, trusting them, and thinking it was going to last? Why even get married if you think it might end in divorce? This isn't me being young and immature, if you really have such doubt I don't think you should get married in the first place. The reason so many people get divorced is because they rush into things. You should be positive about wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person.

I'm just so disappointed that it's the norm to assume you're going to get divorced so you have to prepare for the worst. I would never ever sign one because it shows a lack of trust in me and our relationship. Even if we did end up getting divorced he should know I'm not that kind of person and wouldn't try to ruin him. I think how men are treated in divorce is terrible and would never do that.

Is there anyone here that doesn't like prenups?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Under no circumstances will I sign a prenup. If you ask me, marriage is one thing for which you should NOT "hope for the best and expect the worst". Or even PREPARE for the worst. Maybe I'm just idealistic, but I take "... for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death parts us" seriously. Marriage is not something that you "try out" or for which you have some kind of personal safety net.

    It's not something that you progress into because you've been living together for x-number of years, because you already have kids together, or because you're otherwise "compatible". It's a conscious decision that you make.

    I recently saw a post from someone saying that signing a prenup is "realistic" and not an anticipation of failure. I'm sorry, but that is an inconsistency at best because divorce is a very unfortunate and very common part of our society. They weren't exactly saying "this isn't going to work", but they were saying "this may not be 'until death parts us'". That's not how it works. You should not get married with the anticipation that you "might" not be with each other until the end of your lives. To me, a prenup says that a couple thinks that they might encounter issues that they either can't or won't work through.\

    I know I might be kind of harsh about the subject. I understand how people might feel uneasy about their marriage, but this is not the way to go.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Precautions are not taken because you intend for the worst but because you are preparing for the worst. It's like that time when my PS3 broke and I had to use the warranty; did I want to buy it? No. But I am happy I did. People work the same way.

    • Not the same thing. Marriage is you and someone you love and trust. Do you buy a PS3 and expect it to last forever? No.

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    • Let us adjourn. Good luck in your search for the truth. ^_^

    • Okay well I appreciate your opinion anyways. Thanks!

  • I see nothing wrong with wanting to be prepared for worst case scenario.

    "I'm not that kind of person and wouldn't try to ruin him" You say that now, but lets see how you react when shit really hits the fan. I respect your opinion on this subject, but I suggest not speaking so strongly about this when you have yet to go through a divorce.

    • I wouldn't because I'm not a bitter person. I would hate myself if I did something like that.

      Just because I haven't been divorced doesn't mean I can't talk about marriage, that's ridiculous.

    • I said the same thing about my first gf. But you know what happened when she broke it off? I was extremely butt hurt and bitter. You change as the situation and your environment changes.

  • me. I wouldn't either. You make the commitment for like. So you better be damned sure.

    • Thank you! Glad someone agrees.

  • "The reason so many people get divorced is because they rush into things."
    I don't think that's true.

    People can be fake, and people are fake to get thing that they want like a man's money. Prenuptial agreements protect my current assets and keeps my s. o. From just marrying my for me wealth.

    Also, I can turn your argument around on you. How can you not trust the person who's proposing the prenup to not divorce you. I mean, you said "You should be positive about wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person," shouldn't that hold true prenup or not? Sounds like a double standard to me.

    • So you know someone for lets say 3 years before getting married and you can't tell if they're using you for your money? You either have horrible instincts or they are the best fucking actor/actress in the entire world.

      No you can't because that doesn't make sense. They're the one asking you to sign it so they're showing they don't trust you. The person who refuses is just offended and hurt that their SO doesn't trust them. That seems completely reasonable.

    • It makes complete sense. You saying that someone's emotions might get hurt doesn't stop it from making sense. Maybe my emotions will be hurt because you don't trust me enough to not divorce you after I marry you? It's a double standard, you're not trusting the prenup person either. Would you feel the same way if I was piss poor and you were a billioniare? Don't you think someone could act for a few years to make half a billion. Love can be blinding! You don't have to be a good actor, lol.

  • Prenups aren't just preparation for divorce... they discourage it.

    And about half of couples end up getting divorced, and women initiate over 3/4's of those divorces, and the majority is not for abuse or cheating.

    The better question is, why do you or anyone need to bring legal state power into your relationship? Why have a "legal" involvement at all? What's wrong with simply exchanging vows in front of a few witnesses?

    Someone's word is their word. If you can't trust them, and feel the need to bring legal contracts into it, why marry someone at all?

    The simple truth is, people change, and especially women. I've seen it with women I dated, my own parents, other people's relationships... women can change from warm to ice cold very fast, and many men have found out too late that the woman who was "in love" with him last week now will have no problem claiming abuse and pulling every dirty move in the book on him.

  • Its a great idea in my view. A lot of men and occasionally some women get screwed over because they felt they found the one. I'm glad that more and more guys are getting them. The only people I see against getting prenups are frankly women... which isn't surprising. People who believe in fairy tales think that the person they are with are perfect and will never change. Cynical? Meh. Don't care. I'll be getting one either way

    • Well at least you aren't saying it isn't cynical.

  • Probably because a good amount of women take the man for what he's worth afterwards. People can hide true intention sometimes and sometimes its just bad luck I guess. What your saying though would help but in reality you never truly know what anyone else is thinking. It could go the other way to the man taking the women for what she's worth but I haven't heard of that as often.

  • Because there are so many stories of woman marrying just for money, or taking half of the mans stuff. There are also stories of them faking abuse and rape so that they can jail their partner and get their stuff.
    A prenup is to protect your stuff, not to show distrust. If you had a VERY expensive diamond and bought a box or safe to keep it safe in your home, would that mean you don't trust the people you live with? Does that mean you expect it to be stolen?

    • But I'm saying if you don't rush into things and know the person for about 2 or 3 years before getting married I extremely doubt you won't be able to tell if she's with you just for money. Actually get to know the person you're getting married to.

      No, what if someone you don't know breaks in? People get robbed all the time and that's not trusting people you don't know which is fine.

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    • I'm not saying some people aren't willing to wait for a long ass time but the other person should be a good enough judge of character to know if it's been 3 years. I don't believe anyone is that blind. Isn't the cheater usually the one that gets the bad end of the stick in divorce? Whether there's a prenup or not?
      I just think if you've known someone long enough you'll know them and what they're capable of.

    • We are not talking about people's judgement. We are talking about distrust. Just because you want to be secure doesn't mean you are distrusting your partner. This isn't expecting the worst, it's preparing for it. I carry a seatbelt cutter in my car. Do I expect a car crash so bad my seatbelt gets locked, or that my only escape is to break a window? Of coarse not, that's just paranoia. I am, however, ready incase that happens. I assume you have a fire extinguisher in your home, school, or place of work. One could say you are expecting a fire and that there isn't a point to having that building if it will just catch Fire anyway. In reality, however, you have the extinguisher IN CASE of a fire.

  • 110% cynical man reporting in. I learned in life that people can turn 180 in no time. It could be a close friend, family or a girlfriend/wife. When the gloves are on, there's a good chance these people will be merciless and try to hurt you in every way possible. Not taking that chance!

  • I think it's smart to be protect yourself just in case. I think it's unfortunate that people are so offended by people choosing to do a prenup.

  • 55% of marriages end in divorce, and women initiate 70% of those divorces.

    As a guy, why would i want to enter a legal contract unprotected, where someone could take everything i worked for?

    considering how few women want to marry when they're young and beautiful (and consequently when family guys are still poor), it seems like its just a good way for men to protect themselves

  • A lot of women say exactly what you say. And then they still cut and run, and take his money, possessions, kids, and home in the process.

    Family law favors women, period. The only person who is going to look out for a man is the man himself. If you won't sign a prenup, be single and barren.

  • What's so wrong of wanting to have possession of our stuff. What are you, spoiled?

    • Uh no. When you get married you're supposed to share everything. It's a partnership based off love and trust.

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    • Because I believe most people rush into marriage without actually knowing the person they're getting married to.

      How the fuck am I spoiled? You're speaking out of your ass.

    • Because your question implies you are

  • By that logic, you should also drive without wearing a seat belt and prevent accidents though wishful thinking.

    • That's not even close to the same thing. Marriage involves you and the person you supposedly love and trust. When you drive it involves you and a bunch of random people who may suck at driving. So not the same.

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    • I literally gave you a couple paragraphs, you gave me a "no". I thought I was being clear, but here we go: because love has nothing to do with it. It's presence is irrelevant. Haven't you changed in the past few years? Haven't your circumstances changed? It's the same with marriage. It doesn't matter why you got married and how much "love and trust" there was. If you ignore the facts surrounding marriage (the changing of people, divorce rates, work, finances, family, etc.) you say people who do not ignore those facts are cynic. Ignoring the facts and trying to replace them with an ideal is the very definition of naivete.

      But, I already know what you are going to say: "no". Other people saw the argument, you are the one who says I'm presenting nothing, so I'm done here. You don't want a prenup? Don't get one. You don't why other people get them? It isn't because the reasons haven't been sufficiently explained to you.

    • "Yes, it is. You are trying to protect yourself from adversity by doing nothing to avoid it said adversity. Same thing." This is a couple of paragraphs? Apparently we have different definitions of the word.

      I think if you know the person for a minimum of 3 years and you still love them and they feel the same it most likely won't end in divorce but that's not what most people do. They feel the spark and are so excited they get married right away and then realize later on maybe they shouldn't have done that. If you're throwing divorce rates around why even get married?

What Girls Said 5

  • What's cynical about it? The reality is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. And I'm pretty sure that close to 100% of the people who got divorced thought that they would love their SO unconditionally forever, always trusting them and thinking it would last forever. But they still got a divorce.
    A prenup isn't romantic, no. But neither is it cynical. It's realistic. It's a safety net. Ideally, it's something that you might not even have to use. It doesn't show lack of trust, it shows being capable of planning ahead, as well as being capable of imagining multiple different possible scenarios.
    If you don't want a prenup, then that's fine. But don't judge the ones who want to sign one. It's simply the reality.

    • It's cynical because you assume your marriage will end. There's really no point in getting married then. Why not just keep dating?

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    • Like I already said, getting a prenup shows that you're capable of imagining a lot of different scenarios. It means that you recognize divorce as a possibility, not that you assume that a divorce is inevitable. Thinking that you'll love your SO forever is naive as fuck. Nobody knows that. Not you, not your SO, nobody. Nobody knows if it will last or fail.
      At this point I feel like I'm only repeating myself, so there's no point in continuing this discussion with you. All I hope is that you don't judge those who want to sign a prenup. It's not for you, got it. Doesn't mean that there aren't people out there who want to take precautions, though. So leave them be and focus on yourself.

    • I feel like I'm just repeating myself as well so there's no point, I agree. People judge people all the time so I think I have a right to it as well. It's not in a mean or hateful way though. Anyways thank you for your opinion.

  • Agreed. I have some opinions on why:

    1) People tend to marry based on feelings, and feelings come and go. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. When you feel hate or rage toward your spouse, you CHOOSE not to hit them or yell awful things at them because you don't want to hurt them. You CHOOSE self-control. When couples get over the "Honeymoon phase," I think some mistake that as falling out of love. When in reality, they are just falling out of infatuation. Love includes nice, warm, fuzzy feelings and all those kinds of emotions, but love is ultimately shown by how you treat someone. When the foundation of a marriage is "lovey-dovey" feelings, the marriage will definitely experience rocky times because feelings come and go. Some couples know how to work together and get through difficult times, and some do not and end up getting divorced.

    2) It is hook up culture nowadays and hooking up is the exact opposite idea of marriage. Hooking up is a non-committal one night stand with someone who you probably do not love and may or may not see the next day. Marriage is a serious, committed, (supposed to be) life-long relationship in which you love your spouse, only have sex with your spouse, and interact with them most of the days of your life.

    3) Incompatibility. Any marriage in which both people share the same morals, core values, and beliefs should last. Of course, you should also be physically attracted to one another.

    Last but not least,
    4) People aren't 100% sure that their marriage will last because they are not 100% sure of their partner. This can be because they are afraid that they're partner will hurt them like someone else in their past did. It can also be because they just simply do not know enough about their partner and his/her core values.

  • Aren't prenups for the wealthy and well-off? Middle class people are just happy to have a second income! I think unless you're a celeb or something than a prenup is required. Their marraiges almost always fail.

    • Well I saw a question on here yesterday about prenups and pretty much everyone said they would want one. I'm pretty sure not everyone on here is rich.

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    • You don't HAVE to be, but its more common amongst the wealthy.

    • Honestly, I think it's stupid for middle-class people to get a prenup unless theyve accumulated a lot of money.

  • My parents are paying for the wedding and both of our families are wealthy and heavily invested in the outcome of our marriage so a pre-nup isn't an option, it is a must. Otherwise, we don't get funding. But I think that middle-class or lower class people getting prenups at all is ridiculous. They have no assets to protect.

    • I'm reminded of a Chris Rock comedy routine... "A rich guy who earns 10 million a year gets divorced, and ends up paying five million a year alimony? He ain't starvin! A man who makes 50k a year ends up having to pay 20k a year alimony? Bitch, you gonna have to die! I ain't movin back in with my momma just because you 'fell out of love!' "