Please I need advice, I've been with this guy for a year now and we're planning to get married in two months or so.. I have a problem?

I just want to make sure that I mean to him as much as he means to me. We had a fight bcz he sometimes tends to yell or disrespect. he keeps saying i'm a child and shdnt be thinkin like that. I said it's ABC in a realtionship respect is important no matter what.. we were arguing and on the phone he was like " GOSH PLEASE SEND ME A WOMAN! i don't wanna deal with a child!" we argued and ended the call and i sent him this message and logged off " I don't want to take much from ur time, you have a lot of work to do and I can't be online for the situation I'm in. Everything that I did was because I care about you and ur work, it's bcz I love you and I wanna be the best in your eyes in everything, I try to prove wrong everything you ever said about me to put me down. I tried to be there and help but apparently I'm not doing it right? I just don't know why I am treated like that, when all I want is for you to realize that I am the one who cares about you the most and wants to be there for you. I wanted you to appreciate what I'm trying to do and show, instead of slapping me on the face everytime I try to. (<metaphor he dznt do it) It's ok I get it, you're asking God for another woman and that explains everything. I'm not the one u want, it's unfortunate that I'm not when I was willing to throw everything for u. I just hoped you'd see how much of a woman i am even if u deny that and say that I'm not. I am not any woman you see, I'm the kind of woman that gives her all to the man she loves. You will realize all of this by yourself. I won't bother you anymore, it's the last thing I want to do. I never wanted to be thought of as annoying, and never will be, so I'll leave you and I know in my heart that it's what you want. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, it kills me but it's up to you. good luck, I wish u the best. Take care." he then replied with a question mark. that's it I didn't reply yet. how should i act when i see him in class? what did he mean by "?" what shd i do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • For heavens sake the very first thing you do is NOT TO MARRY HIM.

    • Why though? he loves me and we've been together for so long. I just don't know what to do..

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    • You've been together ONE YEAR... that's not very long... the one year mark is when people really start to show their true colours...

    • @Sara413 .. I rather think she has already made her mind up regardless as to what we have said.

      Of course the old saying comes to mind that "Love Is Blind" :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • That is not love. You are in the NRE phase of the relationship, those feelings are driven by certain chemical reactions in the brain present at the start of all new, deep relationships. I can explain the chemicals if you want, but that's far less important than understanding that one year is NOT long enough to develop true, deep, mature love, and that what you are feeling, and what he is feeling, is a temporary boost that will fade. Its longest time is usually around 2 years, 2.5 years... that kind of ballpark.

    His actions and words are not acceptable, and they prove that he does not actually love you. Those are not the words or feelings of someone in love. Marriage would be a disastrous event at this point, it would be locking you in to a life with someone that doesn't love you. He may have said he loves you, but his actions prove otherwise. That is not love. If he views you as a child, he will never view you as his equal and his partner, and your life together will be doomed.

    • Ok then what do you think is the right thing for me to do next? I will see him everyday in uni for sure and in class too. How should I act? everyone knows us as a couple.. and his sister is my close friend.. she's in uni with us too.. I just don't know what to do.. should i give him his space? it's really hard for me.

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    • You're welcome. Good luck. This is an awkward situation you are in, and it could turn messy very easily. I hope he is mature enough to understand the problems, and that he respects you enough to try and change.

      You deserve to be treated like an equal, because you are. Your feelings are valid.

    • thanks, I really hope so..

What Girls Said 1

  • Whether you stay together or break up is a whole other thing, but at this point I would say, for sure, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

    You guys are clearly not at that place in your relationship, even if you truly to believe you are meant to be. You've only been together a year - you're still learning who one another REALLY are. What's the rush to get married? Wouldn't you rather wait a few years and figure out how to be together in a healthier way?

    No offense, but the way you two talk to each other it seems you're both a bit immature, and your relationship most definitely is. Give yourselves some time to grow as individuals and for your relationship to mature. Learn how to talk things out like adults, how to treat each other with respect and dignity, and how to compromise as a couple. If you can't figure out how to do these things in an equal and fair way, end the relationship.

    • I am 21 and he is 24 and we both are in a time where we wanna get married. However, what do you think I should do next.. when I see him in class on Sunday? after the message i sent, do you think I should stay away and see if he cares to follow me?

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    • I wouldn't just ignore him completely. If you're not ready to talk quite yet, then just say hi and if he asks to talk say you're not ready. If you are ready to talk, ask him if he has time to get together after class or later in the day to have a talk.

    • Thank you for your time and advice, appreciate it!

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