What is it that he wants?

So my ex and I were together for 3 years and broke up about 2 months ago. We considered ourselves engaged and even though a formal proposal never occurred he had asked me to marry him and I said yes. The reason I got for our break up was that he felt I never supported him. I do agree that I have some issues when it comes to showing someone what they mean to me and that is something that I have decided I need to work on. When we first broke up he was very cold to me, condescending remarks and what not. He told me he had no feelings for me whatsoever that it was like an off switch and he turned it off. Well the night before I was set to move out we had a bunch of friends over and he was extremely intoxicated. An altercation happened that made me leave that same night with nothing but the clothes on my back. He had had a black out and didn't remember what had happened. We talked about it and got some feelings out and since then he has not been cold to me. We work for the same company but in different buildings so with that among other things we have decided to remain close friends since we were each others best friend for 3 years. I'm at a point now, however, where even though it would make me extremely happy if we reconciled I am not getting my hopes up and I'm not expecting anything. We still do hook up and are affectionate but only in private and not around our mutual friends. He is not dating anyone else, neither am I. What is confusing me is how he says he just wants to be friends and that I'm his best friend he can tell me anything etc. But sometimes he lets things slip. For instance, he has started telling me again how much he loves me. He told me once he could see himself with my forever. The other day I was at his house and he had fallen asleep so I went to tell him I was leaving and I said "I'll see you in the morning" he got startled and asked me what I said, I repeated it and he let out a breath and said "Oh I thought you said we can't see each other anymore". I don't know what he wants, does he just want to be friends or did he just want to take a few steps back in our relationship? Any thoughts or advice?


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What Guys Said 2

  • It's hard to say for certain. Perhaps he simply wanted to be appreciated more in the relationship and feels he's done that. Perhaps he wanted to grain "control" in the relationship.

    Certainly if he wanted things done completely you two would not continue to hang out and he would not tell you he loves you (unless he's just very manipulative and is using you until something better comes along).

  • You're being cool about your (lack of) relationship with respect to work.

    After 3 years, both your love has changed. Perhaps he misses the rush of 'first love.'

    You're wise to not expect anything. He may surprise you..

    The signs for a reconciliation are good.



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