Why has he become cruel?

He was planning a friends reunion before he leaves to his family's place for Christmas and New Year's Eve. However, it was canceled because the friend who was going to lend the house had to used it in order for studying for his final exams.

Then he said if someone wants to propose something before he leaves, he told that he would leave on the next Friday, that because of wanting to see everybody again, he postponed his trip to his family place. I proposed a place that would have been perfect after December the 12th, so that everybody, including him, would come to the reunion, but I left everybody to choose the date for the reunion.

However, until now there was no reply or answer about choosing the date, so then I send him a message if we could go out (I was thinking just the two of us, but I didn't specify in that).

He answer me a little late (this week), telling me that this weekend he wouldn't have time for seeing me and that he will leave THIS MONDAY. Can you imagine? After telling that he would be staying until Friday.

Then I answered him his message, that it would be impossible, and adding the next thing:

"BTW, didn't you tell that you will be leaving to ______ on December the 18th? why the change of plans? If I got the courage to ask you and to propose a place where we can reunite it was in part because you said that you would leave on that day.

Excuse me, but I will dare to ask you, and please be sincere and honest: Do you really want to go out with me? Do I disgust you or did I do something to hurt you?

Please, don't be angry with me."

And one day after, I proposed him that if he wants, we can see again before he parts, because I got news from my job that my vacations start on Monday.

I think I REALLY messed it up, it's only that it's seems obvious that he doesn't want to hang with me anymore, that he prefers to be with other persons or always been busy. That he only gives me excuses for not going out with me while it seems that with the others he acts as if he has the whole time of the world.

What do you think? Did I really messed it up? Doesn't he want to talk or at least see me even if it's only for a few minutes? What can he be thinking from me right now, that I am only a nuisance, a bother? What can I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Things I'd like to point out from your question:

    - it's only that it's seems obvious that he doesn't want to hang with me

    - "Excuse me...to hurt you?"

    - Can you imagine? After telling that he would be staying until Friday.

    - he only gives me excuses for not going out with me

    I think you overanalyze and worry about the outcome. You are sitting there, planning the reunion and making everything "peachy perfect" but not actually interacting WITH him. Your doing everything "FOR" him. This makes you appear like you are needy of his attention - which is a turn off IMHO.

    Make sure that you have priorities also, he can organize his own reunion if he wants it. Or if you really want to help him - go out there and organize it with him instead. If you try to assume all the responsibility and make things to what he wants- your trying to force happiness, that doesn't work.

    Furthermore, if the guy is ignoring you - that's a clear sign to start moving on. If he comes back and goes "Sorry I was busy with ___" don't instantaneously assume it's a lie. Assume he is telling the truth and accept his answer with gratitude "Thanks for getting back in touch, I was worried about you".

    Communication plays a big part of relationships, it's been proven in your question that there was no communcation to relay vital information - "If he was busy" / "When to plan the reunion" / "Who is to be invited" / etc

    In this case, move on - it's not worth the effort unless there is an exception involved that I'm unaware of.

    Best regards,


    • What is the meaning of which is a turn off IMHO?

    • Show All
    • The insincerity your seeing and feeling, is why you shouldnt date him. Try and work things out to be friends =)

    • I like that idea, waiting 1-2 weeks (or after Christmas vacations), so he can heal himself as I will do. BTW, we are only friends, and we haven't seen each other since September, we have only communicated by msm or e-mail.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • well if that was the only time he has "ditched" you then yes, I think you are overreacting. You may have ticked him off, but don't let it bother you. Just write him and be like "i understand this is a busy time for both of us, so while I really wanted to see you and am disappointed I wont, I want you to have a good holiday and we can spend some alone time when you get back". Gotta give him space

    • This wasn't the first time.

    • Show All
    • Then, the best thing to do now is to do nothing, isn't it?

    • If he isn't calling you...then yes do nothing. If he is calling you...be distant

  • You DEFINITELY messed it up, shawty!

    He HATES you, I'm sorry but shawty, you ain't acting like a woman, just dump the man already, he don't want NOTHING to do with you my girl,

    -large boobed lady