How do you make sure you don't get too complacent in a marriage?

I do you make sure that you don't get to the point where you expect your S. O. to just do things for you because they have done it for so long?

How do you keep things balanced on a regular basis? Or to bring things back when they start to get a little of whack?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just asking this question seems like a strong start.
    I recall seeing a set of television interviews with LONG married couples (50 years +) and one thing I heard them say over and over is partners who try to be egalitarian fail. Trying to do your fair share promotes accounting that invariably leads to disagreements over the relative value of tasks. Or in the course of a long relationship there will be times when your partner is just not able to fully keep up his/her end of the deal. If, instead of going into it trying to split things 50/50, you go in with the intention of giving as much as you can and your partner does, too, that smooths over the inequities and the times when one of you doesn't have much to give. I liked that advice.
    I also, personally have a formal practice of gratitude. I try to end my day every day thinking about the ways in which life was good to me that day. It makes me happy, just focusing on all that is happy or supportive in my world, and being regularly reminded of how much my boyfriend contributes to my life makes me naturally want to give back. Virtuous cycle.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • That's the million-dollar question. It all begins by understanding and romance may not live throughout the marriage but commitment and obligation respect will


What Guys Said 1

  • 1. You need to remind yourself that your marriage is your highest priority in your mortal life.

    2. You need to remind yourself of the divorce statistics and remember that most of those people who got divorced thought, at one time, that they had it right and their marriage would last forever.

    3. You need to not just remember, but to actually practice the Golden Rule.

    4. Remind yourself that you no longer have "my concerns" and "her concerns," you only have "our concerns."

    5. Have a regularly scheduled date night and never lose your passion for making love with your spouse.

    • Show All
    • My wedding programs had this great quote from a surrogate father of mine: "marriage is not a guarantee that it will work. marriage is a commitment to make it work." We both thought that was pretty awesome and we still broke up after just 12 years together.

    • I know - from experience - that one person can't make a marriage work. I tried for 17 years in my first marriage. It's sad that someone can take that many years of your life and then simply discard all of the plans and dreams that you made together.

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