How to get a man to purpose?

Guys how can I get the father of my child to purpose? It's been 8 years and we have an almost 5 year old. I've been really upset and pressuring him about the marriage subject and it's almost made us break up. We have been cohabiting for 7 years. Its seems we are at a cross roads. He loves me and says all the things people usually say when they are ready for marriage but he is just not ready. He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but he just isn't ready. He doesn't know why. He wants to keep things the way they are and work on us and focus on his music and fixing himself, which he says he'll probably never change, he likes who he is (selfish and a man child). He also wants me to support his music hobby like I did when we first dated, and not talk about our problems or feelings and just give him his space and privacy. I want to work on us and start planning a future, save for a house and make our family official. he says I'm pushing him away with all my nagging and being insecure. But I feel rejected and not worth anything to him if he isn't ready for marriage after 8 years. He knows he doesn't deserve me and can't and won't try or put in the effort to make me happy. I am not high standard at all. But I've basically moved mountains for him and I've been everything for him. how can I change things now to get him to appriciate me and see my worth. How can I get him to want to marry me Even after cohabiting this long? What makes a guy realize what he has is the best he's going to get and not let it go? We are constantly judged, or asked why we are not married or engaged. Its embarrassing and I feel like I'm looked at as a joke in relationship. How can I live with him and get him to purpose. What steps do I need to take to get him to open his eyes and come crawling to me for once. To want a life with me and or worry for once about losing me and his family.


Most Helpful Guy

  • "[He] says I'm pushing him away with all my nagging and being insecure."
    This right here is the most important sentence in your post. The more you nag and pressure him into getting married, the more your efforts will backfire. If you make him feel smothered instead of free, why would he want to get married?

    "[He] likes who he is (selfish and a man child)."
    This is a problem right here. You don't like the person he is, but he does. Do you think everything will magically get better just because you get married? Bottom line, just because you've been together for eight years doesn't mean it's a good idea to get married. Do you both love each other? Are you both ready for that kind of commitment? Do you both appreciate each other for who you are? Until the answer to all of those questions is yes, it's not a good idea to be getting married.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Pressuring him is not the answer. Even if you get a proposal out of it it's not going to be the one that you want. Wouldn't you rather him come up with the idea on his own? To be ready and want to ask you to marry him? Since you've already talked about it, and he knows that marriage is what you want (this is going to sound blunt... Sorry) maybe it's just not the type of lifestyle he wants now or possibly ever. Marriage isn't for everyone, and many people are content in cohabitation. It's quite possible that after living together for 8 years and having a child that he's pretty set in not getting married.

    Did he come from a broken home? If so it's possible that the idea of marriage was wrecked for him. He could find it pointless. Statistics show that children from broken homes or who grew up with parents who had a strained marriage are far less likely to take the plunge themselves.

    The most you can do is talk about how important the issue is to you. You're entitled to voice your wants and needs as well as he is. But just because you want and desire to get married doesn't mean that he has to propose. If it's a deal breaker for you you may have to consider ending the relationship. If he's still this opposed to marriage after so much time living together and sharing a child he isn't likely to change his mind unfortunately. But that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or that you've done anything wrong either. It doesn't make you "not good enough" for him. It just means that you are two different people on two separate pages in life.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Okay, I tell you what I have heard. The people in west are afraid to marry because they think that they will have to pay half of wealth in divorce which is very common in Western Countries.

  • You can't force anyone to propose to you. It doesn't work that way. The hard truth is you may never marry him... Later, you may understand that it was a good thing that you didn't. It would be miserable being in a marriage that someone felt forced into... That would be a strong reason to cheat...

    • I don't really want to force him, I just want to know what point does a man get to to realize what he has he doesn't want lose? What can I do to help myself and make him see without nagging Or pressuring.

    • I don't think it is possible to realize or see anything. It's totally up to him. He's an adult and knows what is going on. Eventually, you will probably have to give him an ultimatum... or just live with cohabitation for the rest of your life.

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