My boyfriend always talks about me having his babies, but ends the conversation when I tell him I won't have children until after we're married?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, I'm 23 and he just turned 27. He has always talked about having children with me since the beginning; how many kids he wants, baby names, etc. Whenever this type of conversation comes up, I always tell him that I absolutely do not want to have children until I'm married. I'm obviously not going to have children with a man who is not committed to me. Yes, I know marriage does not always equal commitment! But it is important to me. Once I bring up marriage before kids, he replies with, "Well I want kids before I'm 30. I don't want to be really old by the time my kids are teenagers." Then I simply reply with something along the lines of, "Well you better propose soon because I'd like to be married for at least a year before I get knocked up." And then he tells me all about how he doesn't want to get married any time soon and follows with, "We're not talking about this anymore."
We almost never get into arguments about it... unless I try to continue the conversation; the whole thing has seriously been bothering me. Especially because I recently had a pregnancy scare and he was kinda happy about it. He sometimes tells me about how the idea of being with one person for the rest of his life scares the shit out of him. That's totally normal! But why the hell is he talking about having children with me when being committed to one person scares him? The fact that he wants children with me but hates talking about marrying me keeps bringing up a huge red flag. Two of my mom's friends were married to men who always pushed to have more children and it had turned out that their husbands would go out and have affairs while they stayed home to take care of their kids. I would like to think my boyfriend wouldn't do something like that but the way he feels about me having his babies while not marrying me has been making me feel otherwise.
What do you think? What should I do?

To add a little bit more to this, we have talked about getting married outside of conversations about children. He almost never the one to bring it up first. He will talk about what kind of wedding he wants to have if I start talking about it randomly. But he always says that he doesn't want to get married any time soon, which to him is way more than a couple years.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Screw him! Stick to your guns! If he can't make a commitment to you and marriage, he's ready to make a commitment to 18+ years of children? It would be a big red flag to me too, if I were in your position! He's asking you to do something huge like having children which, mind you, if he walks out of your life he won't truly be obligated to help take care of if you dont take legal action, you will be stuck with for YEARS, yet he's not willing to at least give you the safety or assurance of marriage? No thanks. The way I see it, you're left with the short end of the stick when times get rough.


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  • Have you two ever discussed actual marriage? Do you know if that's even something he wants in his life?

  • I feel like he has baby fever and wants them. It doesn't matter with who. He could replace you with anyone if it resulted in babies. If he actually wanted you, he wouldn't be so weird about it when you bring up marriage. It's almost like he wants kids but not you.

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