How can I overcome this overwhelming feeling of regret after getting married?

I am twenty three years old and i have been married since February of this year. Don't get me twisted when i say this; i love my wife and i know i am lucky to have her but there are issues in every relationship and things we are not happy about.

I keep getting this feeling of regret in getting married. I have always stressed about money and because of debt from previous choices i made, and we struggle. Its not her fault but being married has made it harder to save money. My wife doesn't make a lot working a minimum wage job and she doesn't know how to save very well. I spend a lot of time thinking of ways to save and not struggle, we have some money saved up but if something were to happen to a car we would be using up all our savings.

I get these feelings of deep regret whenever i see other people in relationships. I see beautiful women and wish i was still dating, i hear the guys going out to do things and i can't go with. I just want some "me"timend i can't get it. I feel so frustrated and i know if i were to tell her she would be hurt and i gotta patch her feelings because of how i feel.

Today after work i came home and i decided to lay on the couch. She thinks something is wrong with me and doesn't let it go. She claims i have an issue or i have an attitude. All i wanted to do was relax and she jumps all over me with this stuff. It is like this a lot, she makes something out of nothing. I guess the law of conservation of mass doesn't apply to her. She does this so often about a lot of things it makes me so so mad, i resent her sometimes.

I work for the army and each day is so stressful for me. I hate my job, i can't stand how i get treated, and all i want to do is come home and relax and i cannot. I am starting to hate my life. There is no way i can tell my wife, sometimes i dont want to be here anymore. Each day i wake up for PT i dread the day before it has even begun. when i am home my wife is always looking up stuff on her phone or browsing amazon telling me what she wishes she had. I want to run away and never come back, i would love to take my motorcycle out and never return. I guess i really do hate my life, i have nothing to look forward to.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Let's talk realities. You're an adult who has chosen to get married. You knew your financial situation before you got married, and since money doesn't grow on trees, you need to sit down, pen and paper, or with a financial adviser with your wife present and talk about what you need to do so that you can not struggle so much with money and devise ways you both need to work on saving for emergencies. You're putting it on your shoulders, but I think both of you probably need a financial reality check so you understand how to budget and save TOGETHER. You say you can't talk to your wife because she'll get mad about everything else, but where has that gotten you? Are you any happier not talking about these things you are going through.. no. In a marriage you need to trust the other person, and be able to have them listen to you in the good AND the bad. This isn't even the hard part of a marriage yet. This is barely scratching that wound and feel you're faltering... hate to break it to you, but you've got to stand up and take these things head on before they get worse and lead you to a divorce down the road. You want time to relax, tell her that and explain why instead of just expecting her to 'get it.' If your job sucks, start working on a plan for how to improve your job situation or since you're in the army, in your downtime, how to do activities both with your wife and without that will help you cope with stress. Marriage is a team effort, and not that you are, but blaming your partner or the world for all your problems is no solution. Really sit down together and discuss your issues, and the stress, and the money, and everything else and ask that she help you get through this and work on it together. Just telling the internet, isn't going to solve it for you---you need to talk to that most important person in your life and work things out.


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