How do I tell him its my family that needs convincing not me?

I have been engaged to this guy for 3 years now and he still hasn't decided when to get married. It was an arranged engagement but the decision of when to get married and if we wanted to get married was up to us. I fell for him the first year we got married but it always felt like something was missing from his side and there was he had a recent breakup with his ex and was still in love with her. We took a short break from each other but then became friends again and this last year, he had already moved on from his ex and was trying to develop a girlfriend type relationship with me. When I asked him if he wanted to get married and when he said he did but he wanted to buy a house first (i heard this also from a lot of other guys so it didn't seem far fetched) but to buy a house its not so easy. It would take years to build credit to get a loan to buy the house. I already wasted 3 years fighting my mind and my heart and i dont know if I could do it any longer. For the past week, i given up entirely and he felt that and he is in someway trying to convince me that i mean something to him.

He hasn't said I love you or he hasn't even said he likes me, it being an arranged engagement i dont expect him to say it anytime soon. He asks me for suggestions as if i was his wife but when it come to his future plans there no hint of me being a part of it. Ever since I gave up on trying to fight my heart and mind, i only saw him once and i told him I couldnt be physical (oral sex and kissing) with him anymore. He tells me on the phone that I was the only girl to touch him physically and he would say there is a reason why he became physical with me (basically he was trying to say he accepts me as his wife)

I dont know what to say to him anymore. Should i just end it or hold on a bit longer. Should I hold on but stop being physical with him and see how true he is. Every time I take his name at home my family gets mad and tell me he just using you and taking you for a stroll. In a way I believe him (to a certain extent) but then on the other my family is right too, he doesn't love me. I have given up. I dont how to tell him he no longer needs to

Convince me but my family.


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  • Well perhaps hold off doing anything sexual with him at all even kissing. That is when the true nature of men show. Men are sexual beings and they often use women. I say actions speak louder than words. You should have a talk with him and draw the line. Tell him it feels as if you wasted 3 years already and you are no longer willing to do that. Thag you thought he was worth the wait but you no longer can neglect yourself and keep all your love for a man who isn't trying. If he says he will show you then. Allow him some time but state your time limit. If you dont see anything from his part. Move on. There are many men out there who will love you the way you deserve

  • Hmmmm it does sound like he's stringing you along. I'd let him go, it shouldn't be this hard in the beginning. You shouldn't have to convince someone to want to be with you.

  • Actually it's not your family that needs convincing, you're the one who needs convincing. You're not buying it anymore, forget him. Let him know that. Break it off. Don't give him conditions. Just tell him you need to leave your "options open for a man who is ready and willing to marry me, so I can't be with you. I feel it's time for me to move on because I want marriage, and this isn't marriage. So, I am ending it because I'm not convinced that you're ready and willing yet to get married, and 'i want a man who is, and I know many men are."

    You did great for not engaging in anything intimate ever since you realized it's not going anywhere. It also could be a case of getting oral sex from you for free (if you did it under a year or 6months of engagement especially) some guys get confused when they get sex too soon (oral sex considered sex also for most people, but still not intercourse).

    Really cut the relationship. Move on. You'll feel stronger and empowered, and you will soon see the difference between a man who loves you that's ready for marrying you vs a man who's not.

    Also with the next new guy you get engaged to, don't have any kind of sex, not even oral sex, and wait a few months before you kiss him. I say this because it works on not just north American guys but also because especially in your culture I'd think guys are also more influenced and affected by you if you make them wait and stay celibate. It gives his mind and your mind clarity and let's you both get to know each other better without the confusion that sex can create. This protects your heart, first and foremost, and also allows a man the opportunity to emotionally invest in you.

    You're a strong woman! Keep standing up for yourself, you're doing great. I hope this helps, these are just some lessons I was taught by older and wiser people and they helped me, I hope they help you too. :)