Can you ask a man to marry you without coming off like a desperate psycho?

My partner & I have been together for a little over four years. We've just finally gotten to the place where we're ready to blend our families, move in together, build a life, etc. Because I was married and divorced, I wanted to take things super slow to make sure that my kids weren't getting attached to someone who may not be their stepdad in the end.

But my one rule was no marriage. I did it. Failed. Not doing it again. We even split up once over my refusal to budge (& later reconciled). Lately we've been talking about it & I'm trying to be more open minded, but I was still mostly opposed. But I was checking the calendar to confirm dates to book vacation time & saw that what would have been my late dad's birthday is on a Saturday in spring 2017. He died when I was a kid, so he obviously played no part in my first wedding & I would be willing to get married on that day as a small way to honour him & have him be a small part of it, as he didn't get to be at any major milestone in my life. I've mentioned in & he's looked at rings online & half suggested ideas for a wedding, but we haven't really established anything, probably thanks to four years of refusing.

I would like like to think we are past the outdated proposal & two people can mutually agree to get married, but I worry it's emasculating. Is there any way I can say "Hey, you wanted to get married, this would mean the world to me if we married on this day. Could we please start planning & make this official?" Without sounding like a shrew or controlling?


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  • Hey you wanted to get married? Is slightly arrogant sounding to be honest. No offense. Why can't you use the term we instead of isolating him in his pool of marriage proposal rejection, making him sound like a desperate Nancy boy. The rest of it is nice, you don't sound controlling or like a shrew at all.

    • Obviously that's not how I would approach it, but there are character counts lol.

      Truthfully, this is something we've fought about & I don't want him to feel like I'm just agreeing now, but that it's something I want too. But I also don't want to make him feel emasculated, as he's very much "a dude" as he says. He likes to pay when we go out, he likes to be the alpha male & I don't want to hurt his pride. If that makes sense.

    • It makes sense, but I don't think what you want to say will hurt his pride

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