My boyfriends father is unable to come back to the US so he wants to have our wedding in another country. Is this fair to me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years now and he's getting ready to propose soon. I know because he's given several hints. He's really close to his dad and his dad was deported to Jamaica almost 8 years ago now. His father can never return to the United States. Although his father was deported to Jamaica, they both still talk to each other on the phone everyday and he's visited him about 3 times now. He wants to have our wedding in Jamaica because of his dad and I agreed to this a long time ago, but now, realistically, having a wedding there will cost more than if we had a small local wedding. I told him how i felt regarding this situation and he thinks i'm selfish thinking this way. He also asked me how i would feel if I were to have our wedding here in the United States, but one of my parents was unable to attend because he/she is deported. It's not like his father or mom is really going to help pay for our wedding. We're literally flying to another country and asking our guests to pay a lot of money to attend a wedding in another county because his dad is deported. Is that fair? If not, i don't know how else to bring this subject up to him. I've already brought it up several times. Or am i just being selfish?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not so much a question of fairness as it is of thoughtfulness and kindness.

    Bottom line is that you two are the main priority; you must both respect the other's wishes and desires; and you both must feel comfortable and fulfilled with whatever type of wedding you choose to have.

    Having a wedding in a country where the couple doesn't actually live has come up as a topic on GAG before, and I still believe that it tends to be a very bad idea. For international families of relatively modest means it's probably a better idea to have two separate (modest) weddings, or a wedding and a reception, or to elope in one country with only the nearest and dearest in attendance and then have a full wedding in the other country.

    Hopefullly this will be a chance for the two of you to deepen your understanding of one another, and your sense of mutual respect.

    Good luck.


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