Why should I allow her to come in between us?

Ok so basically me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 and half years. At the start he introduced me to his best mate (female) and we spent time with her and her family. As I now have a job where he lives I practically live with him for work but it means I don't see my parents like I used too. So when he sees his friend I take it as an opportunity to see my parents or one of my friends. His mate is getting married and hasn't invited me, apparently due to the budget. I was so upset, more about the fact that he was planning on going without me and didn't even question it. He spoke to her about it and said he'd pay for me but she said no she's not invited, it's nothing personal, I only want family there. Fair enough it's her day therefore her choice but that's obviously not because of the budget and now seems very personal to me. My boyfriend is upset, I asked him before he even asked her not to attend without me cause we're a couple and therefore should be invited together. Now, I feel sorry for my boyfriend but am resenting her, if she knows how much it means to him to have me there then surely it shouldn't be that much of an issue. I'm only one extra person. I really didn't think it'd be an issue. Now I've got time on my side but I'm so torn now? Argh!!

I have been invited to the evening part as has he of course. But I am now reluctant to go to even that after what's happened! I guess she may even withdraw my invite.


Most Helpful Guy

  • shitty position for the boyfriend.

    the course of action i'd like to see in this romantic comedy is him standing up for you. if she doesn't treat him like a friend allowing you two to roll as one, then she doesn't deserve your boyfriend as a friend at her wedding.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean, if you two would have only been dating for a couple of months before the wedding invitation, I could somehow understand that you weren't initially invited.
    But after 1.5 years, it is obviously a serious relationship and as far as my view of things goes, means you are treated as "+1" always.
    Yes, it is her wedding, but it really is very rude to not invite you along and even refusing to have you there after he offered to pay. It does sound personal.

    My boyfriend has been invited to a shitload of weddings this past year, sometimes by friends of his who I haven't even met yet, or met just once. But still, he was invited +1 of course. It is the correct thing to do, if you know your buddy is in a commited relationship.

    I feel so sorry for your boyfriend, he wants to be at this wedding but doesn't want you to feel sad about it. On the other hand, I don't think it would be fair for you to tell him not to go without you. Let him go if he wants to. I mean, at this point, if I where you, I wouldn't even go if I was invited. fuck her you know?
    It is his decision if this issue will destroy his friendshit with her or not. Not your business hun'. Just don't let this get in the way of your relationship with him. Support his decision and respect his wishes too.

    He could also set a statement at the wedding, if he only shows up at the reception or at the party for a short time and not stay for the whole bang.

    • To be fair we've been invited to the evening do together so he said he'd just attend that with me. So he won't be missing the whole day. The whole thing has just really annoyed me :/

    • ah well that sounds reasonable.
      I wouldn't have been annoyed... I'd have been furious lol (but that's just my firecracker temper)

    • He decided he's going even though I was so hurt at all the things he said to me I was tempted to leave him. I said fine it's your choice and ill go out with friends. I'm now taking a break from him as he's not respecting me at all. I told him he's more the welcome to continue seeing her and have her in his life but I don't want her in mine! He then said he'd tell me about the wedding after it had passed and keep bringing her up when he wanted too and if we got a house together she'd be coming around. I tried to say that's unfair as then he's not respecting my wishes. Why can't he go to her house and talk about her to other people. I dunno I'm just so frustrated now.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • all i see is coz of jealousy , she doing it for a purpose, i dnt think ur boyfriend shud think even to attend the wedding of his mate.

  • it sounds like she doesn't want to get married

    • What do you mean?

    • Show All
    • I will admit I have let my jealousy get in the way a lot. I've never liked how close they are, I know some people will say well that's immature. But I'm not usually wrong about things like that. Every time I mention it to my boyfriend he's like but she's getting married and has kids of course it's platonic. But then that's not answering the question...
      Anyways apparently she's done it with a lot of couples and has only invited one half of them and not the other which I just find weird. I don't like the idea of my partner going to a special occasion without me there unless I don't know them at all, like I've never met them or I've met them once.

    • maybe your boyfriend and her had something in the past and he's over it
      but she isn't, it sounds weird cause I would invite my best friend and there partner if I was getting married, cause that means I moved pasted it

What Girls Said 2

  • I personally think your being silly. My Husband works in the Nursing field so most of his co-workers and friends are woman. They are at the age that everyone is getting married now (we got married young), so there have been a lot of weddings and I haven't been invited to not a one... which I personally am cool with... they aren't my friends or co-workers. He is allowed to have friends and a life that doesn't always have to include me. If I were you I'd encourage him to go. You not being invited could have to do with a headcount or the fact that if she makes an exception for you she may end up having to make several for other people as well and then it all gets out of hand. I'd tr to get over myself if I were you it'll be better for your relationship down the road.

    • I can see your point of view also but a lot has happened in between all this and I'm not happy with the way she's been acting or dealing with the situation. She almost didn't invite her brothers girlfriend until she was made too. The whole thing just seems ridiculous to me. She said it was the budget and might be able to fit me into it initially then after my boyfriend offering to pay it just went to a straight up no. I personally think people in a serious relationship should be invited as a couple or not at all. I know everyone has a different view on this of course. I do actually know her though, I've been round her house, on day trips with her, all sorts. I stopped going round cause it meant I didn't get to see much of my own family and I'm very close to my mum. There are a lot of things going on in the background is what I mean.

    • Show All
    • Haha sorry. I did come across a little strong. I don't think it's healthy to be that smothering in a relationship though. I just don't get how that can be anywhere near healthy. But I guess that's why I'm with who I am and your with who you are. When he first got invited out without me he almost didn't go but I talked him into it. It's important that he have friends and a life. Just because we are married doesn't mean he needs to miss out on things. I never wanted to be a ball and chain, and I'd never want one. Different strokes for different folks. If he's okay with being treated like that I guess thats all that really matters.

    • That's ok, im a sensitive person I admit. Well apparently he likes that... I mean like we've spent pretty much every day maybe bar one of two, together! He hates the thought of spending more than one day apart. And I can be just as bad to be fair although I have to say I enjoy my independence and recently it has become more irritating. But he's never minded me going out with mates whenever I want too or anything, I just always run it past him in case we have plans or invite him occasionally. The thing is he doesn't really have that many friends, it sounds awful but I have good reason for it. I pulled him away from a couple of his mates not because I didn't want him to have friends, I want him to have loads of them but because they were persuading him to do something dodgey and against the law, substances I wasn't happy with. The only way to get him out of it was that he didn't see them and be tempted by it. If it wasn't for that I really wouldn't of minded who he was friends with.

  • there's really not much you can do here, its really outside your control, and by making an issue you are just making it harder on your boyfriend

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