I don't agree with the archaic trading livestock and treating the one spouse as property bullshit that is part of the history of marriage, and I hate the idea of blowing thousands or even hundreds of dollars on an extravagent wedding, but I do want to have my own version of a wedding with my partner where we meet somewhere and invite friends and family to a potluck marriage where it's literally a low maintenance fun potluck with music and dancing and a bonfire where we could wear something special and put a ring on it. Problem is,.. a. I only have two friends and they live on the other side of the states. And b. He anchores the idea of a wedding and doesn't see the point in marriage even though he proposed and wants to go down to the courthouse with me at the end of the year and make it legal without the drama of any tradition. I understand where he's coming from, and it makes me feel shallow and stupid for wanting an event of it. I feel like I've already given up so much in my life from being in a strict house that never allowed me to have any experiences whatsoever because of their constricting religious crap and I don't want to give this up too, but I also don't want to force him into making an event of something he doesn't want to make an event of. :/ what should I do? What would you do? Would you give up your dream low key wedding to be with someone you loved?
Most Helpful Guy
Everyone has a definition of a wedding, don't they?
In the end, it's focus is on the marriage and how the couple defines it, as they become One Unit for the world to see & deal with.
For many asocial guys, it's you & me, screw everyone else, now let's go to our cave, we need no stinking help from anyone (wrong). That said, become One means this satellite has blasted off from Earth and we are not children in our parent's home anymore BUT we are still gravity connected to all we know.
For many gals - the more social group - a big wedding is a party shouting graduation, someone loves enough to save me from childhood, dating pools, et al. and insure a life beyond what parents can give. They want everyone to know and always cherish that day's details.
So HOW do Two become One? Having their own uncompromising way? Dismissing the other point of view? Stiff arming everyone in their past, their expectations, their BLESSINGS - support when needed later? Do I make this mind set sound foolish? Good.
As a new unit (or country or business) of course you two are exclusive in love and meld into one harmonious entity BUT MUST participate in society, chief of this is relatives & close friends. They are a part of it just as water is required of fish, so are they required of marriage units.
Tradition is what you makes of it and now is the time where compromise to make the new unit work gets tested. You write this brief so that readers would believe that you have proposed the most generous compromise and he has nothing to offer but the courthouse. I think there's another solution that could put smiles on both faces if you are meant to be together and can communicate this out with brains focused on making the other party happy. If not, then good time to split up else be saddled with this problem over other many things the rest of your lives.
Yes, I would and HAVE given up everything in order to trade dreams for my dream gals but listen to this... they also have done same for me. The ones that didn't are in the rear view mirror, by choice or by boot. Remember, I gave up my dreams first... that's the only way to negotiate in love. If they do all the taking, then call it off... on the courthouse steps, in your case.0