How do I know if he's "the One"?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and we have discussed the idea of getting married. He nor I want to be another statistic by divorcing within a few years so... so how do I know if he's "the One"?


Most Helpful Girl

  • How long is a while? However long it is I guarantee it isn't long enough.

    How do you know he's The One? When one of you is on their deathbed and the other is still by their side. Until then you can't know, you can only believe.

    Imagine yourself old. Can you see yourself with him? When he's lost his teeth and needs you to mush up his food and feed him can you see yourself doing this? If you can imagine a future (a real one with lows as well as blissful good times) and he is always beside you then there's a good chance he's the one. Be honest though. It's no good sugar coating the future. Think of the worst that could happen. If you were bankrupt and destitute, if there was a bereavement, if one of you had a life changing accident. Still think you'd make it through together?

    What if he got a really good job. He was working long hours with a gorgeous secretary? What if you get fat when you're stuck at home raising the kids and he's living the high life in the city? When your worlds don't mesh as well and head in different directions?

    Being able to say confidently that you're both strong enough to get through things like this together is a very good sign.

    Also beware of the too perfect future. If you can only see sunshine and roses you're not ready for the big step.

    Most importantly do you make each other happy? Even when his farts stink? Even when you nag him? Do you love him even as you acknowledge his faults and the bits that annoy you and love him despite these and because of them?

    • Thanks. :) of all the answers I've seen so far, this is the most helpful one. And I voted it so. The questions you asked were very enlightening and I do believe I know how I'd answer them. Thank you again.

    • Thank you. Glad I could help. They're all questions I've asked myself at one point or another.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You can never err too much by waiting in these cases, at your age, I'd say.

    I've been married for going into 4 years, 5 years of living together, and 7 years of dating. So far it's not bad (though I still have some years to really know for sure), but so far I think the endearing quality is that we have an extreme level of trust in each other, and a constant stream of open communication.

    I think that's what has held it together so far. All married couples I've befriended (and I have a number of friends who became married) and then divorced became distant. They no longer communicated, no longer fully trusted each other.

    Keeping the communication and trust alive is the key to me so far.

    It's also worth noting that marriage isn't a wise choice to declare your love for each other. It's a wise choice when shared income, shared household, and possibly kids starts to become appealing, when you both want to settle down and kind of tackle new responsibilities, sacrificing some level of freedom.

  • Do you believe that we can answer that for you?
    More importantly, when you tell your daughter, who may very well ask you this question, how to know true love do you want to tell her that you learned from some dingus on a lame-ass website (sorry, but kinda true)?

    No! The internet has taken so many experiences, so many stories, so much romance and adventure, from the a race that used to cherish the magical and beautiful. We no longer dance through the streets of Paris with our partners in such intoxicating joy; nor do we walk the silent Moscow groves and sing softly in one anothers ears; never again shall we walk the English countryside together and feel and see the beauty that surrounds us. We only walk and text and "like" and communicate - the most basic human activity - through internet devices; we then question, after many years of what w thought was love, why we hardly ever talk or sit across from our partner.
    We have created a machine, thought to be so wonderful, that has killed the very essence of human civilization.

    • I'm sorry... is it just me or does it sound like you just went through a bad breakup, be it your own or someone else close to you... Believe it or not, the picture perfect love still exists and I know that because I know a lot of couples who have been together for a long time and are still showing that affection everyday.

      As for my daughter, I would love to be able to tell her the truth about what love really is and how she'll know. To be honest, I would rather have her ask so website the same question and get the same answer from some guy like you than get married and divorced within five years because she didn't know.

      But hey, thanks for reminding me that men like you are in need of someone to love them exclusively. Good luck finding that person with that attitude.

    • Show All
    • @Wizbit
      With all honesty, that was a genuine compliment.

      Now i must commend you on, again, failing to realize a common ground exists. While the radicals of our ideas maybe considered false, a view of their collisions can be seen as appropriate. I do not claim your ideals to be false, yet you do so to mine; i didn't realize i was talking to god.
      I will not take your "experiences", of which have no validity for only you lived them, as fact nor law nor righteous speak. The world is large (well not so much anymore), and the experiences one may have differ widely. Would it be right that anyone see one individuals experiences and knowledge as the definitive precept?

      Do not take what you believe to be my age as an indicator of my knowledge or experience. Such things are not, nor have they ever been, correct or righteous. Is an eighty year old many always wiser than a twenty year old man? Such assumptions are foolish.
      I have nothing to judge your experiences with, nor do i even have

    • any way of confirming that you had said experiences.

      You are blind. Can you not see how the books you have read have built your mind? Had you never read a book, it can be assured you thoughts would be very different from what they are in the present. Do you not know the value of books, the very leaves of the tree of knowledge. Or do you only see the rotten pomegranates the rotten pomegranates that did not come to light (bonus points available here, too)?

      People have differing ideals. Maybe you ought to see that there is a common ground, or that multiple opinions can be correct. Seriously, i would not be surprised if you yelled, at some point, "open the universe a little", due to what can only be assumed as sheer close-mindedness on your part.

      You speak big for someone who did not study a STEM field. :)

  • He isn't "the one,"but could be part of "the group of good mates."


What Girls Said 2

  • I believe there is more than one person out there for everyone. That being said, if you are both completely head over heals in love and legitimately feel like he can be your best friend (because there will be times when all you want is company but he is the only one there), if you feel like you can fight and admit you were wrong OR just apologize even when you're right just to keep the peace because you are scared of losing him. Do you feel like y'alls values are close enough to want him to father your children? Is he what you think of when you think about happiness? Trust me, if it feels right, just go for it and do everything you can to make it work.

  • "How do you know if he's the one"

    You know when you don't have to question it I feel. I never once wondered if I'm husband was the one because I always knew it.

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