For those who have been married for 15+ years, what is the key to a successful marriage?

I am about to be 31 years old and i am in a very serious relationship. We have already decided we want to marry each other, gone engagement ring shopping, and etc. However we are waiting for my guy to get his fianances right before he proposes. He is currently working on it. I don't want to get divorced, EVER. I know that you can't really control that. For you couples who are happily married, faithful, and not thinking of divorce, how did you keep your marriage happy? Why do you think a lot of marriages fail?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Im not married yet, but I have had a lot of relationships fail. I also know a lot of successful people who have been happily married over 20+ years! The main secret is you need to be willing to work things out. Our modern culture keeps telling people to "walk away" whenever things get tough. You had a few fights? Dont talk and resolve them, just walk away.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I may be young and unmarried, but I can give you some good advice that worked for my mum's parents.

    Never go to sleep, until you have made it up, after having a row. Don't give each other the silence treatment. COMMUNICATE! Talk to each other about issues, problems, worries.

  • Yes. It's quite simple actually. The key is allowing buttsex and ass to mouth from time to time.
    Not every time but always have it as an option.


What Girls Said 2

  • Okay, first, I'm gna shoot straight here with ya, I see 2 red flags here.

    #1, "I know you can't really control that."
    I mean, I can't control the weather or the economy, but, last time I checked, I damn well COULD control whether I kept mah own promises, girl.
    Yr word is EVERYTHING. Without yr honor, what do you have, really?

    It's true that circumstances change, sometimes in dire ways. And, sometimes the situation gets so extreme that you can legitimately make the case that yr no longer married to the person you originally married.
    (For instance, if genuine abuse starts to happen -- if you didn't marry an abuser, but yr partner has become one -- then you aren't really breaking a promise by leaving, because that's not the same person anymore).

    But, short of something drastic like that... nope. Yr word is pretty much THE ONLY thing in life that you absolutely CAN control. And the fact that you would say something like that, right out of the gate, is actually pretty worrisome.

    #2, "waiting for my guy to get his finances right before he proposes"
    The HELL do "finances" have to do with a PROPOSAL?
    I'm sorry, but, if I were yr partner in this situation, I would be very, very afraid of the disproportionate responsibilities that would eventually fall upon me in this relationship.
    I mean, I don't think "getting finances right" is even a good reason to delay marriage in the first place. Call me old-school, but, I like to think that part of a wife's job is to build her husband up and HELP him "get his finances right", if that's what he needs.
    But, that notwithstanding... srsly, the whole idea that a PROPOSAL is something that needs $$$$ is just plain stupid bullshit, and, I'm frankly afraid to even ask about the reasons why.


    Okay, those are the red flags.

    My marriage has been 14 years and 11 months of pretty much perfection -- between two people who both had the attitude of "fuck marriage, i'ma go this world alone" before we met each other. I suppose that's one month short of yr 15-year requirement, but, I suppose we'll get there. (:

    The biggest key is communication, UP FRONT.
    What I mean by this, is that you notice little things that have the potential to become bigger problems, and you talk them out while they are still small problems. That way, you never get the chance to let them become bigger problems in the first place. (cont'd)

    • The second biggest key is to absolutely soak everything around you with POSITIVE memories and associtaions.

      See, the biggest problem, in long-term relationships, is that these big piles of resentment begin to build up -- because people allow them to build up. You know... things remind you of other things, which remind you of still other things, which remind you of... yeah, you get the picture.
      The secret is to make the same thing happen, but in the OPPOSITE direction.
      Always be building positive associations with things. Make it so that all of the things around you, and all of the furniture in yr house, and all of the words that you say all the time, remind you of pleasant memories. These can be of the sexual kind, or of the close-bonding kind, or of anything else.

      Lots of people are pretty good at doing this with their kids ("This reminds me of ___ when you were two!"), but just lousy at doing it with each other, even though the secret is basically the same.

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    • well we are just two different women who are attracted to different things. That is fine. If you are happy, that is all that matters. I just would be miserable in that situation.

    • i completely agree about stopping small problems from growing into big problems' nip it in the bud.

  • I asked my mom once (she just celebrated their 31st anniversary). She told me to make sure I marry someone who I respect, and who has qualities that I admire.

    • I think we have those two things.