have dated my boyfriend for more 3.5 years. We are getting married in September. I am getting nervous about getting married. I am also having second thoughts because we argue all of the time, and I feel like he has been taking me for granted. So here is my story:
We met at a bar when I was 25 througha mutual friend. I thought I could truly see myself marrying him after about two years of dating. He was helpful, we never argued, the intimacy was there, and he enjoyed doing nice things for me. I enjoyed spending my time with him.
After about a year of dating he said he could really see us getting married. He said he could really see us getting married before my older sister even got to the altar, but admitted this after some drinking was involved. I liked what he had to say, and then he never talked about it again.
A year later, my younger brohter gets engaged, and during my brother's bachelor party he asked my dad if he could marry me. (Also alchol induced.) (Timeline: This is after 2 years of dating). He eventually tells me after the bachelor party what he asked my dad. I am excited, and I think it's about time. But he never talks about it again.
In the meantime, my two younger cousins get engaged about 5 months after my brother's wedding. They have only been dating their signfacant others a year and half by now. By this time I am a little upset, that things with my boyfriend have not gotten anywhere. I am a little depressed, and I start to to wonder if he really is wanting to get married, or if just sounds like a good idea when he is intoxicated.
We have a talk soonly after. I ask him if he wants to get married. He says he does, but then he says he doesn't want to talk about it. He tells me we will talk about it later. He gets mad, and it eventually turns into an argument. He never brings up the conversation again. I continue to bring it up over and over again, which was probably a mistake on my part over t
Anyways four months roll by after the conversation. Long story short. I've been wanting to move out of the house that I bought before I met my boyfriend. Four months have passed since that initial conversation. I move back in with my parents. I tell my boyfriend I want to be engaged before I move in with him. I also told him that
Please take note we have been staying at each other's house since we first started dating, so living together would've been nothing new. I'm independent person I didn't have to sell my house, I just didn't like the commute. I also have been looking for a new house to buy, but I haven't found what I wanted yet. Also I did want him to realize what it would be like to not have me around as much. I wanted him to
Most Helpful Guy
Some of this got truncated. You might want to add an update?
If you're not happy with how things are going now, there is no reason to expect them to improve later. You really should try to get all the issues you have with him worked out well before the wedding. If that fails, postpone it or even cancel it if he will not commit to working them out.0
Most Helpful Girl
Please funny take this in a rude way or mean cause I'm not trying to. I don't think you should get married. I say this because your emotions are flip flop you love him but he's not on the exact same level as you out maybe he is scared that you might not like something about him (like him taking his time cause he's scared) and divorce him. So Many get divorced for stupid reasons like oh I thought he would be considerate or he does think about things or he won't go to bed with me or my favorite (I don't believe in it) is I fell out of love. And instead of taking it out out seeing a counselor they give up. Marriage is accepting the good the bad the worse unless it's abuse. You wanted to move things faster and add much as he wanted to step up to the plate you kind of de-balled him on pushing. Now I'm not saying it's all on you, I think if he really loves you there won't be that fear he needs to open up to you more. If you can wait 3 years to 8 years of just dating that will be nothing compared to marriage it's for life at least that's how it's suppose to be. Again I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way but this is my opinion. Wait. Stay engaged just wait on the marriage until you both are on the same level of communication, behavioral, and emotionally.1