I had a bad proposal... To get married or not get married?

have dated my boyfriend for more 3.5 years. We are getting married in September. I am getting nervous about getting married. I am also having second thoughts because we argue all of the time, and I feel like he has been taking me for granted. So here is my story:

We met at a bar when I was 25 througha mutual friend. I thought I could truly see myself marrying him after about two years of dating. He was helpful, we never argued, the intimacy was there, and he enjoyed doing nice things for me. I enjoyed spending my time with him.

After about a year of dating he said he could really see us getting married. He said he could really see us getting married before my older sister even got to the altar, but admitted this after some drinking was involved. I liked what he had to say, and then he never talked about it again.

A year later, my younger brohter gets engaged, and during my brother's bachelor party he asked my dad if he could marry me. (Also alchol induced.) (Timeline: This is after 2 years of dating). He eventually tells me after the bachelor party what he asked my dad. I am excited, and I think it's about time. But he never talks about it again.

In the meantime, my two younger cousins get engaged about 5 months after my brother's wedding. They have only been dating their signfacant others a year and half by now. By this time I am a little upset, that things with my boyfriend have not gotten anywhere. I am a little depressed, and I start to to wonder if he really is wanting to get married, or if just sounds like a good idea when he is intoxicated.

We have a talk soonly after. I ask him if he wants to get married. He says he does, but then he says he doesn't want to talk about it. He tells me we will talk about it later. He gets mad, and it eventually turns into an argument. He never brings up the conversation again. I continue to bring it up over and over again, which was probably a mistake on my part over t

the next few months, but that is what happend. Let's just say I cried and I sobbed. I guess I just wanted him to want more out of our relationship by that time.

Anyways four months roll by after the conversation. Long story short. I've been wanting to move out of the house that I bought before I met my boyfriend. Four months have passed since that initial conversation. I move back in with my parents. I tell my boyfriend I want to be engaged before I move in with him. I also told him that
because I also wanted him to get his priorities straight and ask me to marry me.

Please take note we have been staying at each other's house since we first started dating, so living together would've been nothing new. I'm independent person I didn't have to sell my house, I just didn't like the commute. I also have been looking for a new house to buy, but I haven't found what I wanted yet. Also I did want him to realize what it would be like to not have me around as much. I wanted him to


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some of this got truncated. You might want to add an update?

    If you're not happy with how things are going now, there is no reason to expect them to improve later. You really should try to get all the issues you have with him worked out well before the wedding. If that fails, postpone it or even cancel it if he will not commit to working them out.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Please funny take this in a rude way or mean cause I'm not trying to. I don't think you should get married. I say this because your emotions are flip flop you love him but he's not on the exact same level as you out maybe he is scared that you might not like something about him (like him taking his time cause he's scared) and divorce him. So Many get divorced for stupid reasons like oh I thought he would be considerate or he does think about things or he won't go to bed with me or my favorite (I don't believe in it) is I fell out of love. And instead of taking it out out seeing a counselor they give up. Marriage is accepting the good the bad the worse unless it's abuse. You wanted to move things faster and add much as he wanted to step up to the plate you kind of de-balled him on pushing. Now I'm not saying it's all on you, I think if he really loves you there won't be that fear he needs to open up to you more. If you can wait 3 years to 8 years of just dating that will be nothing compared to marriage it's for life at least that's how it's suppose to be. Again I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way but this is my opinion. Wait. Stay engaged just wait on the marriage until you both are on the same level of communication, behavioral, and emotionally.


What Guys Said 1

  • He's clearly hiding his motives. I don't mean he's cheating on you, of course not, but I believe that he must have some insecurities about marriage that he's not telling you.

    • Thanks, we are engaged now, but this website will only allow to post so many words to my story... I have more like 6,000 more words to continue to the story with.. I guess I'll have to add it in two weeks, because they only let you add extra updates every so often : (

    • Show All
    • I love rereading old questions... Here's an update. We were engaged going to have a wedding last September. We ended up breaking up. Looking back I'm so glad I didn't get married to him. It would've been a mistake. He wasn't treating me very well. I think I stayed because I had so much invested, and I wanted him to put more effort into the relationship, and I wanted him to want more. Also, I think it was my fault I was depending on him too much. Maybe it was me. Anyhow, some times you never know what happens to these situations. I just felt like posting out of the blue because I could.

    • It's really good when we look back and don't regret our decision. I believe it was the right one since you're happy with it ;)

What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like he keeps avoiding the subject-and not making the situation better. All he has to tell you is that one day he is going to marry you but not soon, or maybe in the next blah blah years. He could at least give you a timeline. But he fails to do that when he knows it's important to you. I think it's not going to happen anytime soon and wouldn't wait around for it. Also it sounds like he gets a little too "in the moment" and starts promising things when he's drinking which is not a good thing and not credible.

  • ... To get married.

    Sometimes guys act like that because they really nervous. Maybe there are 'some things' that make him agitated, about money? Or he's really afraid because he doesn't want to make you disappointed after getting married? He's still preparing everything so be patient and don't talk about it anymore.

    But, maybe, it can be... Not to get married. After 5 years waiting or even more. He's not serious then. :)