Help please! About a year ago my husband was texting a mutual co-worker of ours trying to sleep with her. He lied to me about it repeatedly until I talked to her (not knowing he was trying to sleep with HER, I thought he was trying to with her friend though) and he confessed. A few months later he started talking to another co-worker just being flirty. He did try to hangout with her outside of work a few times. I told him "if you do this again, I'm leaving". At that time our son was roughly a month old and he said it would never happen again. Randomly one day in May I saw a "good morning :)" message to an unsaved number, it looked familiar so I checked my phone to see if I knew the number, it was the girl he was flirting with when our son was a month old. I was furious. We talked to our pastor and parents, we're trying to work through it. I THOUGHT we were passed it. My husband went away for the weekend to do some farm work with his brother. A girl was also working and he got her number. He was texting her flirty things like "I'm going to miss that gorgeous smile the most" etc. I was beyond upset!! We talked for a long time and I told him to tell me EVERYTHING that had occurred, to tell me anything I didn't know about. For the last 2 years in May he went to a strip club while he was out of town, got 2 strippers numbers. He signed up for Ashley Madison and a similar website.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do!! He leaves the house and I get so nervous. He uses his phone and I get beyond paranoid. To the point where he no longer can use his phone. I'm depressed. Is this really what life is going to be like? He has agreed to consoling. But, will he ever really change?
Most Helpful Guy
Looks like you roped a chronic cheater, although probably in his mind - he's not cheating because he isn't sticking his dick in her. Cheating goes well beyond just physical cheating. If he's chatting, flirting or fantasizing about other women in his life (and not just the fantasy of a celebrity or model, who he doesn't actually know), that is like 100 red flags all raised at the same time.
He is obviously aware of what's going on, because you have called him out on it. But he simply does not care. Unfortunately, you fell in love with someone who is selfish and who will destroy everything else in his life just to satisfy his penis. People with such traits are very VERY common. They will essentially do whatever they want, thinking the worst will never happen - and when it does - only then will they think "oh I was stupid for doing that".
That means that there is almost nothing you can do to change his behavior unless you are prepared to walk out on him. Only then - which would be the worst case scenario - would he actually start to reflect on his actions. Needless to say, if you walk out on him, the effects to your family structure and baby will be huge. But having seen his type over and over again, I suspect my prediction is true.
Telling you EVERYTHING that happened isn't actually helping. Because what's the point of DOING IT and then telling you. Had the thought never occurred to him to NOT DO IT, so then there's nothing to confess to?
You may need to shame him publicly to teach him a lesson. It's not the best recommendation I've given. Walking out on him and hiding with your parents may do the trick. I would consider calling your husband's parents (your in-laws) to tell them what's going on, should you decide to skip out of the house for a week or two with your son. Shaming him in front of his own family is quite severe, and may the hard kick in the ass he needs.0
Most Helpful Girl
As much as it hurts my heart to say this -- If you can still get along with this man right now, and can still bring yourself to stare him in the face and deal with him... then, leave, NOW, while you still don't completely hate him yet.
You have a one-year-old. That means you have to deal with this man, in some way shape or form, for at least twenty more years or so. TWENTY YEARS.
If you stay married to him, then, judging from what you're saying, he will keep fucking up -- and you'll eventually be not only depressed, but bitter and hateful. And then you'll *still* have to deal with the babydaddy -- AND the kid -- AND the fact that the kid is used to seeing the two of you together, and having to explain to the kid what THAT's all about, on top of everything else.
Seriously... Leave. Now.
Before you start to hate him.
(And omg, he was actually dumb enough to think Ashley Madison was real! Oh lordy...)1