Our families keep asking when we are getting married... my parents divorce really destroyed my teen years and late childhood?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. The last couple months everyone has been asking us when we are getting married. I'm 23 and he's 25. Our families like one another a lot. I love him like crazy he's perfect. However I can't help but feel terrified of getting married due to my parents divorce when I was 15. They fought, slammed doors and my father drank and hid alcohol everywhere when I was younger. It was emotional abuse all the time. Because of that experience I'm so scared of getting married and getting a divorce. People don't keep their promise and I really can't
live wotj a broken promise. I told my boyfriend this and he understands. His mom left 3 years ago with just a note on a table and left for another guy after her youngest son graduated Hs. I feel in a way I have destroyed our relationship. We live together and were very happy. I want to marry him but not now. This is the first year out of my life where I'm out of school. I think that if I wasn't scared he would've popped the question last year. A month ago hos dad told us he was getting remarried and asked if we wanted to make it a double wedding- jokingly but kinda serious. I couldn't make eye contact with him or my boyfriend as j stood between them staring at the floor scared as my boyfriend had his hand gently on my head trying to get me to nod. About 2 weeks ago we were in the mall my boyfriend joked do u want me to buy a ring as we walked y Kay. I could've melted into the floor I was so nervous. I really don't know what to do about this situation now that I'm older. I love him lots but I'm scared.. I love his family and they love me. Any advice or stories from experience? I don't even know what to say to my boyfriend or if he really wants to get married it seems he kinda goes back and forth and now I feel like I kind of changed his mind too. What do you think?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Divorce sucks. Eventhough divorce rates are at an all time high her in the States you just have to believe that everyone is different and feel you are committed to making things work despite the odds. I got married after 7 years together I felt that I had a feeling we could survive anything after some tough times. In life you just have to go for it.

    Take your time and wait until you are sure. He will do the same. I think he was just testing the waters early to see where you was at. No man wants to be rejected when he is down on one knee so he wants to make sure you want when he is ready.

    • Do you think i shut down my chances though all together? He left a year and ahalf ago but got back together and we have been fine since. It makes me think that he is weaker than me about staying committed. I don't even know what to say if it ever came up again in conversations. I keep stressing out about it

    • I don't think you shut down your chances. I think he will kinda test you and dance around the subject again to get your reaction.

  • Don't get pressured into it if you don't want to. There is no reason to marry. We aren't in the dark ages where a woman need to marry. You can be perfectly happy without marriage, it doesn't effect your relationship. It's just a little bit of paper and something others are nosy about.
    I personnally thing 3 years relationship is not enough for a marriage, especially when you are young. My gut tells me i should be like 5 years together with a woman or easyly more and live with her at least 3 years together. why rush? if you can't be happy as girlfriend and boyfriend without beeing married then in my eyes it's clear you shouldn't marry at all.
    Don't feel obligated to marry him. You don't have to and that's completely independent from love. You can love him and be crazy about him all you want, but that doesn't mean marriage is the right thing for you.

    If you want to talk more, just write back :)

    • I feel like I changed his mind one minute it seems like he is interested and then after I talk about its like o has him agree with me and he changed his mind. This idea is eating me alive, I can't stop thinking about it. Do you think he was really testing the waters when we walked by Kay and when we were with his dad? I feel terrible for the things I said. I'm just scared of him leaving. I have a hard time with men leaving I know it's cause my dad walked out and my grandpa died when I was young. My ex left me after three years and married a girl afterthree months. It really terrifies me.

    • Please realize that these are two different things. if he loves you and you have a stable relationship everything is fine even without marriage. if marriage is needed to keep the relationship stable, then the relationship isn't good for marriage.
      And don't be frightened of being left. I Know it is easier said than done, but if you worry about that all the time, it will have a negative impact on your relationship and heighten the chance of a breakup. Be confident.

      And remember you are a wonderful woman. You don't need a man for that. (Just writing this because I have a feeling you have a little problem with self-confidence)

What Girls Said 1

  • Always remember, no matter what anyone else wants for you, it's what you want that's most important. You're young girl, and there's absolutely no rush to get married. I have friends who have been together 10 years (literally, and this includes HS) and they've just gotten engaged. Of course that's a long time, but there were still things they wanted to do before making that commitement. So if you aren't comfortable with marriage, or maybe need help working through your personal issues, then do that. Focus on making a better you, because that's what's most important right now.

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