I'm in the Wedding Party and I'm not allowed a plus one/guest?

My best friend, Brian, is getting married in late October. We've known each other for 12 years. I'm a groomsmen in his wedding. His brother is his best man.

Brian and I now live 3-4 hours away so we only see each other a few times a year. Him and his fiancee (Jill), have only met my girlfriend, Kelly, 2 times. Both times were great, but limited because of the distance. I've been with Kelly for a little over a year.

I recently received an invitation to Brian's wedding. It did not mention anything about a guest. When I asked Brian and Jill they said I was not allowed a plus one. I didn't respond to his text and we haven't spoken since.

To make matters worse, I designed their wedding invitations. I am a professional graphic designer at a firm in the city. I designed this free of charge. I told them I would happily do it for free for them. Since this is my full-time job, I rarely, if ever, do free work.

I am confused and hurt. I'd like to say something to Brian and Jill, but I am lost. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What should I do? thanks in advance.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can understand where you are coming from and as a good friend you are (doing the invitations for them for free and all) you'd like to bring your girlfriend I assume. The thing is weddings can be hella expensive so I guess if everyone brought a plus one, it would make food expenses and drink expenses more expensive for them.
    Just ask them. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt. They probably forget that you had Kelly (as they have only seen her twice?) Or just limited on the number of people that can attend to the wedding. All in all, you feeling confused/hurt is understandable


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, that depends.

    From their perspective, they probably want you and only YOU at the wedding. They want you to participate and be in the wedding pictures... etc.

    The unfortunate reality is that you have only been with your current girlfriend for a short time. After knowing you for 12 years, they've probably seen other girlfriends of yours come and go. And quite frankly, even though I don't know you, I have little confidence that your current girlfriend will be your lifelong partner. The odds are against you.

    What this is telling you is that your best friend doesn't want a whole bunch of random girlfriends at their wedding, who are likely to be ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends in the near future.

    I had my wedding, and I placed no restrictions on boyfriends or girlfriends. I now have wedding photos with my close friends + their exes. Pretty much those photos are useless and my friends in those pictures will never want to see them ever again.

    It would be quite different if she was your wife. But a girlfriend of less than a year? I think it's reasonable for them to exclude your girlfriend. Even among my family wedding, younger cousins in their teens and even up to late 20's are forbidden from bringing their current bf/gf to weddings unless they've been going out long term (like 5 years) and have been coming to family events.


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What Girls Said 2

  • It's their wedding day and they only want close friends and family there. It sounds like they don't consider Kelly a close friend. You also need to know that a lot of places charge by the number of guests attending. They might not be able to afford extra guests. This isn't about you and you're making it that way.

    • They invited 140 people. That isn't "close" friends and family.

    • Show All
    • So wedding etiquette says someone not in the wedding party that is engaged/married get's a +1, but someone in the wedding party who is in a relationship but not engaged/married, doesn't get a +1? That seems silly to me.

    • having more than one fork on the table is silly but here we are.

  • Maybe they have limited seating at the venue or only want people they both are close with there.
    Weddings can get very pricey depending on how many people attend.


What Guys Said 0

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