Ok, so my brother and I had a typical brother/sister relationship growing up... when we were kids, we were constantly at each other's throats but when we got into our teenage years, we became the closest of friends and have remained close ever since. My brother has been with his partner for approx 11 years now and they have 2 kids together but they have never been in a financial position to get married. My brother and I always had a pact (which we constantly discuss) that if I get married, I will not have a maid of honour and instead he will be my 'man of honour' and instead of a 'best man' he will have me as a 'best woman'. Anyway, today his fiancée told me they are finally going to get married and have set a date for next year then swiftly informed me that she is not having a maid of honour and he will not be having a best man. My brother knew nothing of this as she has planned everything while he was at work. I feel deeply hurt and upset as I feel I am close to them all, I treat her like a sister, I spend as much time with the kids and always take them fun places and so this felt like a bit of a punch in the gut. Do I say nothing and hope my brother will insist on me taking part or do I speak to my brother and tell him how I feel? I don't want to appear selfish but it has really hurt me and since his fiancées messages, I have been sat in tears. The way I feel right now, I feel like booking a holiday as an excuse to not go at all. Thank u for reading and I appreciate any advice x
Most Helpful Guy
A promise such as you and your brother made is not something that is forgotten, so I am sure that he will be aware of it when he discussed plans with his fiance. The promises that you make as children or young adults are promises that you feel are sacred because they were made with such sincerity. . . but they were also made at a time when it was easy to promise anything and there wasn't actually another person to consider.
Your brother is now in a position that the most important female in his life is not your mother or you; it is his fiance. He must make her happy just as she should make him happy. Perhaps she does not know about the promise and has simply made plans according to her whims and desires. (If so, that is a warning sign for your brother, as she should not make major decisions without consulting him.) Maybe she does know and thinks that it is silly or too untraditional. If she just made this decision, they have probably not discussed this and it may be premature for you to react to her announcement.
In any event, your brother must confront that and make the decision that he believes is best for him. His fiance may be looking at this as an issue by which to judge his loyalty to her; if so, it is foolish for her to put him in that position, but those things happen. You must set aside your pride and understand that your brother must do what is best for his future happiness with this woman. You need to dedicate yourself to helping your brother find happiness in his life because that is how you can truly express your love for him.
Most Helpful Girl
Yes, speak to him about it. It never hurts to ask because it sounds like you don't really know the reasons behind why his fiance has decided these things. She also likely doesn't even know about that pact that the two of you had, so that wasn't even in consideration when she made the plans. Talk to him, tell him that his fiances told you these things, but you were still holding onto your agreement the two of you made. He can either go back and talk to his partner about it, or he'll reassure you that it's not a big deal and it doesn't mean anything in which hopefully you'll also see it as such or find a compromise to play another important role in the wedding. Either way, don't sit on it, it sounds like it's something really important to you.1