Am i on the wrong or what?
Ok so I have been married for 1 yr. And lately its been nothing but arguments about how i never wanna do anything he asks me for. I feel he doesn't understand me. I work 9 hrs. A day 5 days a week. i start at 7am and get off @ 4pm i am a senior caregiver for a 96 yr old lady. I get up at 5:50am to leave my house by 6:30am my husband on the other hand is a sales man he works from home & only goes out when there's a delivery for him to do. He wakes up @ whatever time he wants which is usually between 11am and 1pm he doesn't do anything around the house. So now he asked me to make him some quesadillas in the morning before I go to work & i told him sometimes u don't even have breakfast because im in such a hurry so he tells me well wake up earlier so I said no because i try to go to sleep at around 10pm and always end up sleeping @ almost 12am because he won't let me sleep. So i told him instead u should make me breakfast before i go to work since u can go back to bed when i leave but he said fine next time one of the cars brakes down imma ask u to fix it. & so he got mad because i said i wouldn't make him the quesadillas.. & i don't think he understands i work 9 hours daily my job is stressful already having to care for an older person that if she wets herself im responsible to help her change in responsible for cleaning her house doing laudry running errands for her taking her to any appts she might have making breakfast & lunch and getting her to take her meds. By the time in out i just wanna sit for a bit but then i get home and the house is a mess and my husband is in a terrible mood cus he hasn't had anything to eat all day. But why hasn't he because he's too lazy to get up open the fridge and make himself a sandwhich or a quesadilla or anything so i have to deal with his mood. Im23 years old & i feel as if I was 40 my back & feet hurt im always too tired for anything. So am i wrong by not wanting to do certain things for him?
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Both of you are and aren't in the wrong.
You are not in the wrong for expecting acts of selflessness from your own husband. There's nothing wrong with hoping and wanting for your husband to do something nice for you knowing how hard you work and how demanding your schedule is. However, you are slightly in the wrong for wanting to not meet your wifely duties. To sum it up, there a wifely and husbandly duties that both parties need to fulfill in order to have a healthy, happy marriage. Acts of selflessness and taking care of one another is the core of those duties. Being willing to serve one another mutually is a key to having a balanced marriage. This meaning, you should be willing to cook him a meal even if you're exhausted every now and then and he should be willing to do the same. There are certain things we must do in order to make sure relationships with loved ones function a certain way... we have daughterly duties, sisterly duties, and duties as friends. When we neglect these duties, the bond becomes susceptible to damage.
So refusing to do certain things for your husband is like removing bricks from the layer of foundation in your marriage. Of course you should have a backbone and know when to say no and be able to assertively tell him that you don't have the energy or time to do things sometimes, but to be completely unwilling to do them ever is going to cause problems. You two need to sit down and have an honest, non-combative discussion about what's going on in each other's lives. You need to express to him how you feel and really put into perspective your level of stress. Tell him that you want to do nice things for him but it's honestly hard to find the energy with your demanding daily schedule and share that you need him to step it up and do selfless things for you at times like waking up early to make you breakfast. Follow up with the plan on a weekly basis so that you guys don't backslide into mutually selfish behavior.