Husband wants out, but keeps in touch?

My husband left our marriage of 6 years 5 months ago. We'd been having communication problems but I thought we both wanted to work things out - apparently not. It was a complete shock as he'd always been overly attached to me, emotionally and physically. I pursued him and we have spent regular time together in the first few months, all good, but 4 months later I told him I'd like to see how he was feeling and thinking after having had some time and space to think about things. He said (by email) this was 'putting him on the spot' and added that our marriage was over, there were plenty of reasons why he couldn't live with me, and apologized for feeling too uncomfortable to confirm it in person.

Since then I have accepted it, am still hurting but am moving on. I have no desire to contact him anymore but have to have contact with him over the sale of our house. In the last 2 weeks he has started emailing me more frequently, being friendly and buying me a gift for Easter. He has said repeatedly since he left that he wants to remain friends, but at the moment I am just hurt and disappointed. During the first dew months I must have been living in denial but now the full force of what I have lost is hitting me. Why is he being nice and communicative now, and why is he doing it at all after leaving without wanting to work things out together? Should I just respond to his messages briefly and then leave him alone, or ignore the personal content in them completely?

Husband came around to help out and brought up the subject of property settlement. He became verbally abusive when he realized he wouldn't be getting as much as he expected. Never thought it would end like this. So sad but have to let him go.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I feel you have answered your own question with the words "I am moving on".

    As your husband has chosen to dispense with his marriage vows you are free to do so. You have not said whether you have children with him in which case you are not quite as free as he is to move on.

    He seems to me to be a rather immature person who maybe married for a surrogate mother rather than a wife - he certainly shows no constancy even within his own emotional state. As I am sure you are aware he will not be a dependable partner if you do change your mind and take him back, so to answer your question I would only answer what is pertinent to finalising your relationship and I would advise against accepting presents - to a man this means the opposite of your resolve to move on.

    He may well expect you to pursue him again and if you don't he may pester, change of email address time and return postal mail to sender.

    Then get out there and enjoy yourself and if you want another relationship there are plenty of men out there who are more faithful and constant. Good luck and may you literally "Shine on"! :o)

    • Thanks for your reply. You are right about him being immature and wanting a surrogate mother. Thanks for stating the truth about him not being a dependable partner - I needed to hear that. His moods are very changeable since he moved out. It's great to get a male perspective about the gift. Are there really lots of loving, constant and faithful men out there? I'll have to take your word for it and live in hope!

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    • Thanks for your wisdom and encouragement, Panopticus - much appreciated!

    • If I may add one more sliver of opinion; it may be an idea to have a witness with you if you have to discuss anything more with your husband on another occasion. Not wishing to be sexist but just practical, I would choose a man or men to be your witness/s. Your husband would be more likely to succeed in controlling his attitude and less able to claim you said what he preferred others to hear rather than the truth. He has no respect for you and needs to be treated with caution.

      Good luck!

  • Ignore him. He'll only break your heart again.

    • Thanks for being straight with me. You're right, of course.

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