I don't think I would be alive, if it werent for my kids.....

because of my online affair, and the fact that because of it, the "other" mans wife asked him for a divorce after 30 some years of marriage, makes me sick, and I don't feel like I can live with that on my conscience...if I didn't have children under 18, I would be dead, that is a guarantee! I know I have" made my bed", but how long does this burning guilt and pain need to ravage my life...i admit my mistake in doing this while married, but this "other" person filled a void in my life that my husband refused to...i have been begging my husband to go to counseling for years, to help save this marriage, and even predicted this behavior months and months ago, before ANYTHING actually happened...after years of neglect and abuse, I finally said..."you have to get help with me in this relationship, or I'm gonna find someone who DOES care, who doesn't pull away from me, when I want to be close, who listens to my fears, and concerns, who tells me every now and then, that I'm pretty, that I'm worth it, that I'm a good mom etc, and he continually refused, and pushed me away over and over! so, it happened,it got exposed (and I DO believe, if your lying, you WILL be found out...nobody is invincable!) I knew this would happen...and all the damage is done to EVERYONE involved, and I can't get rid of the fact that I would have been dead a few days ago, if it werent for my kids...everyone telling me it IS my fault,and how could you do that to your spouse etc...is just reaffirming the fact that I AM A LOSER, that deserves ALL I got, and am getting...i can't bear all this responsibility for damaging ALL these people, and relationships...all I wanted was to be happy...i tried for SOOOOO long, I loved, I gave, I sacrificed, and I got taken in by someone who told me everything I wanted to hear (this "other"man)...somebody help, without confirming what an ass I am...i don't think I can bear anymore hatred on me...i just want to want to live again...i just want help!

i am just sick, and wrecked with guilt for EVERYONE involved...besides all the damage I've done to my own family, I've ruined another marriage! how can I live with that on my conscience! I just can't even fathom it!
i just wish, that ANYONE, SOMEONE could forgive me, before I die inside, or other...


Most Helpful Girl

  • its overwhelming right now with the shock, judgement and guilt but as they subside you will realize you didn't ruin the other mans marriage, he did or they did. you understand your actions werent the right way to fix things, so act soon (when you're feeling a bit more in control) to fix the actual problem, which is your marriage. if you take steps to rectify that problem (divorce or whatever it takes) then you will find some sense of purpose in this trial.

    • thank you for you supportive words...anything right now will help...i feel so alone, and like sh*t!(exuse my words) I miss that 2 months I felt needed,worthy & (dare I say?)" beautiful!" I know I need to find that within myself before I can TRULY be happy, and it seems like I have been working on that my whole life!

    • one thing you might want to work on is your sense of worth is in feeling needed and beautiful. its going to be hard to find happiness in yourself if you rely on being needed. beauty is nice but its fleeting so dig deeper and surround yourself with people who WANT to spend time you for who you are.

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  • wow... well I think you tried all you could to get your husband to go to counseling with you.

    My husband and I fight a lot too. I am hoping that we will be OK. I am starting to, like you did, look for affection with online men! but they are supposedly single and we just chat and there is a bit of flirting.

    but my relationship does have problems. We fight and he breaks my stuff and physically abuses me.

    but it doesn't mean I should cheat. but I don't really think I am cheating. Plus no one has to know! right? I mean I had cyber sex and I flirted with men onlne but I don't tell my husband and I don't think it's really that bad.

    • you sound exactly like where I am at, right now, and have been for years! thank you for helping me feel not SO alone... ;0) I wish I could help you as well, with some of your "relationship trouble"...my "ex" boyfriend, that I had my 2 older daughters with,. was VERY physically, and emotionally abusive, and I was too young...it was, and still is, in some ways, a nightmare! It is VERY hard, and confusing...it doesn't get any easier either!

    • yeah my guy tried pushing me out the balcony window and the glass shattered all over me. Luckly only my right arm is all cut up and needs stiches =). we are trying to make our relationship better. he says he'll try harder. I think if the guy is willing to try then it will get better. I wish you luck and hope you find love with someone else. sorry those men treated you so bad.

  • Clearly, you are feeling a huge amount of guilt... unfortunately, feeling guilty doesn't fix things. It sounds as though you've been in a really unhealthy marriage for a long time- your husband's apathy towards you isn't acceptable, but neither is your cheating... Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is to divorce your husband and remain SINGLE for a while. I think your first priority should be your children- create a stable environment for them and clear up your relationship with your husband. If he really does treat you as badly as you say, than perhaps he wants out of the marriage too (hopefully on amicable terms). If the 'other man' can be a supportive friend, and JUST a friend to you, then yay! He sounds like a keeper. However, if he wants to jump into a serious relationship with you right away, then you have to make him understand that your children come first...If he can't handle that, then just be thankful that he was the catalyst to you knowing for sure that you deserve something better, and bid him adieu. I wish you luck and I really, really hope it works out.

    • Agreed to a T.

    • thank you for your more sensitive honesty...i would NEVER try and justify what I did, but also some people don't seem to understand what I have had to put up with, with my "S-O" for many years...some of the stuff he has said AND done, has been just as bad as my "online" affair...its 2 guilty parties (3, if the"other" man is included)...also, I never met up with this person...NEVER did we ever touch each other physically...it was all talk through e-mail messages...not that ,that was OK, but still...

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