What does it mean when a guy says he gets more angry at you because he "cares" more?

My boyfriend seems to let people walk all over him. This is not just people that he knows but close people.

One person in general, his ex-girlfriend. They only dated for about 8 months and that was almost 5 years ago, however they remain close friends and she calls all the time.

I've been noticing that she has only been calling when she needs something or help/advice. She doesn't seem to call just to hang out or get dinner and all of that stuff. It's been taking a toll on me and our relationship.

When I finally brought it up to him, he agreed that he needed to look at how his friendships were and how people were treating him. He also then told me that he doesn't get that mad about it but always gets mad at me for things because he "cares"

more about me so that's why he yells at me more than anything.

I am so confused...

his ex is engaged, btw.


Most Helpful Guy

  • they were close at one point so they feel like they can confide in each other, although asking him for things isn't cool. I have ex's I talk to, we are like venting buddys, get stuff off our mind. and when he said that to you it means you mean a lot to him so he will have more feelings on what you do. I know this is a bad example but a parent care more about what their own child does then what there best friends child does, its not that they don't care its that they care more about their own so they will get angrier if their own child makes the same mistakes as their friends.

    • i agree, this is a great answer. its kind of how he explained it too. thank you!

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What Guys Said 5

  • As his Girlfriend you should understand and try to listen to your GUY, he may have past issues with that girl and he still probably has some issues to address..you need this cleared out because this is unhealthy on your current relationship..Its OK for him to be a friend for that girl but he should also value himself and your relationship..IF the girl only seeks an advise well and good but he should also know when he should stop..i have been in that relationship before I once like a co-worker and we hangout then we lost touch for a year and when the time I thought was right she was with another..got pissed and always vented with my current I felt bad and insecure on things, until the girl I'am with that time, told me after hearing me out the real issue.. we men sometimes get bottled up and vent out on the wrong people..after that ordeal was over the girl decided I should be matured enough and be ready for her so she left me but we are still friends..as for the girl who walked on me she was left hanging sometime jan 2010 she tried me her woes but knowing with what she did I told myself I can be her friend but not her spare tire..

  • Sounds all true to me.

    He will get paid back for his time/advice eventually, from which you'll benefit as well as his partner. The day will come when he'll have less time to deal with her if this continues to be a one way street. Then he'll either end it of choke it off ... and your hands won't be dirty, you'll not have to lift a finger.

    Yelling = you are not listening or

    not learning not to repeat "the offense", whatever that is, however minor.

    Yelling = the subject is very important to me - in this case YOU

    Something isn't quite right between you two - it's NOT the ex - and he's worried to the point of yelling that things might not work out as well as he hoped between you two.

    What could it be?

  • This sounds like it is headed for disaster, sorry.

    You wrote that you are 25 to 29. At this age, he should know better than to keep ex-girlfriends around! He says that he cares, but I doubt it. But here is good news for you, you don't need to be confused. You can only be confused if you are trying to figure him out. So stop figuring HIM out, and figure YOURSELF out. Is this sort of disrespectful behavior something you need in your life? Do you want a man who'll be submissive and show no self-respect to his ex-girlfriend? Whenever he does that, he also dishonors you. Commitment isn't just about not cheating, it's also about avoiding exactly the sort of situations you wrote about.

    The answer to your actual question is... NOTHING. It means nothing. Judge him by his actions, not his words. He obviously is still attached emotionally with his ex. He might not admit it to himself, and he will certainly be afraid to mention it to you. The only thing I could add... but I'm not even sure about it, is that perhaps he gets mad at you because he has power over you and he is frustrated... while on the other hand, he has no power over his ex or his friends.

    • This has helped me out a lot.

      However, we are working on things and seem to be doing great.

      I really value your answer. Thank you so much!

  • Imagine a child and mother. If mother sees somebody elses child smoking for example (or doing something she considers wrong) ... she will just think that it is wrong ... If she sees her own child ... that child might expect pure hell!

    But it is little bit wrong cause you are not child but a partner and he cannot change you. You can change yourself for him but he cannot change you. he should try more to accept who you are.

  • ex is engaged? but still calls? hmm...but nyways he "cares" so that's good, you see you said everyone walk all over the guy so he obviously needs to get that anger out...so tell him to get it out on his ex & show her what time it is! he doesn;t need her no more...


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