How to reverse your S.O. from pulling away?

I've been dating an amazing man for almost 11 months. I am almost completely divorced, and he filed for his divorce three months ago. Around the same time he had began to withdraw and close himself off. I met him through a dating site, and from the first time we met he had me "cocked and locked" - his eyes touched my soul and instant feeling I've never experienced before began to develop.

I had been married for 20 yrs, and he is on his second marriage. I never felt this strong for anyone...scarily so. When he looks in my eyes it's as if he's touching my heart and when he kisses me, etc - it's so intense - I have never felt this - ever.

Now back to his backing off - the more he backs off, the more it makes me feel insecure - even though I realize he has things to deal with in his divorce, I also am terrified to lose him.

I have had an old boyfriend text me all types of things trying to break us up which made me feel like he actually knew my S.O. - so being the honest person I am had asked him. It made him irate - so was not the right thing to do - but I have since completely blocked my old boyfriend from me all around - which my S.O. knows of...but I don't think he fully believes.

I am at a complete loss because I had grown so close to him that he is not only my lover but my best friend so it's a double whammy that he's not in my life on a daily basis throughout like he had been.

I am crying a lot lately and my heart is so heavy it hurts tremendously - I don't know what to do to stop the regression of our relationship, and put it back on course - and the more I beg (yes, I have begged because I am so deeply in love with him) ...he backs off a little more -

Losing my lover and best friend. Completely alone with no-one to talk to but my daughter (because I don't want to lean and my girlfriends, etc ). I felt free to talk about anything with him - I just need to find out how to get him to feel the same to me -

So - anyone if you possibly could help I'd deeply appreciate it...

I am truly hurting and at a total loss as to what to do here - (yes, I do know he needs time to deal with his divorce, etc..but ,...).


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What Guys Said 1

  • Obviously he is a heart breaker of the first water from what you write. You give no details as to why his marriages failed twice. Once = she went nuts possibly; twice = possibly he can't/won't make it work ... which might hint at what you're going through if your relationship is #2.5

    You already found out what I'm going to say from experience - that chasing this guy makes him run, the opposite reaction to your desires. Yet you do not suggest to yourself that you withdraw, at least equidistant to his action ... because you can't? Too painful? I submit that if you can't suffer this small pain of retreat for a short period (of course this is moot - you have no choice) AND do not break the silence before HE DOES, then the risk is a big one. He's free & gone forever, using those penetrating eyes when playing the field to see if he can better his catch over those that would date a married "almost divorced" man. Not saying he WILL, just stating the RISK.

    So, if you are not able to have his comfort, what to do about this pain? This can be mitigated the old fashioned way by taking your focus off him, off you. Take that spotlight and shine it elsewhere. Offer help to others, indulge yourself.

    The very best thing I can suggest that will offer you mental distraction, a social outlet, nice people, exercise/endorphins and some thrills is ... dance lessons. Begin searching today the newspaper, city, college, yellow pages and begin trying some out. At first, you might find them odd but soon you'll be as hooked ... as on any guy. These new friends may also double as coffee buddies, etc. Fill your life bucket, even though it has a hole in it - it won't seem so empty.


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