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I am common law with my girlfriend. We have chosen to not have kids either. Marriage is just a big waste of time, effort and money. It's a show-off thing that we don't need. We both felt that money spent on a 12 hour party for mostly other people to enjoy was better utilized if it were put into a house or something we could actually hold on to for years. Weddings and marriage is just a rock and piece of paper and really shouldn't change or effect the way you feel about your partner. Therefore, just totally unnecessary. Not having kids is a bit more complex. It does boil down to just not having enough natural desire to raise them or be parents. We don't have the patience. Our lives are full and complete as-is. We love our lives and how we spend our time. We feel the personal sacrifice to losing our free time and daily routine changes needed to raise kids isn't what we want. Money is another huge deterrent. We have the financial and time freedom to do whatever we want. We always have nice vacations, new cars, nice things and we both will be able to retire in our mid 50's because we didn't have kids to raise. Growing up, I was the oldest of 5 and watched my dad work his ass off for us his whole career. My dad had nothing for himself. 98% of his paycheck went to kids and mortgages. My parents always fought about family stuff. Looking back, my parents sort of painted this picture that raising kids, having a family was all about sacrifice, struggle, torment, fighting, friction, working till your dead, being tired all the time and so on. Just nothing positive about it.
I really don't understand the thumbs down. I feel like it consists of those who Hate/don't like the user/commenter or those who hate/dislike the truth... Or maybe number 3! Those who are in denial!
To raise a kid from infancy to age 18 can cost up to $300,000. Is it any wonder that people with kids always seem to have financial problems?
@Daniela1982 therefore there is still child labour in some countries
@SueAnon84 Every once in a while we have someone tell us we are selfish or not doing our part in humanity because we don't have kids. We just shrug our shoulders at them and tell them they are just jealous and miserable they don't have a life like us. Anyone happy with kids really shouldn't be going around putting others down. This is how I know they are actually miserable inside. Truth is, for every person who has something negative to say, we get about 5 that tell us how smart we are.
@Daniela1982 This is so true!!!
Kids are good for when you get old. They will take care of you when you won't have anyone else. But I understand that kids aren't for everyone. It's just funny that a lot of illegal immigrants have plenty of kids when they don't even have a pot to piss in. How do they do it with little money?
@Daniela1982 Yeah, those kids suffer. They don't grow up with a nice life of clean clothes, healthy foods and end up fighting for themselves. Pretty sad.
Actually, in my case, we have children but it was that we both didn't want to be married. It was not either/or, it was both.My girlfriend and I met 14 years ago and moved in with each other about a year and a half after that. We are deeply in love but when we began to talk about marriage, somewhat to our mutual surprise, we realized that neither of us wanted it.Not because we objected in principle. In fact, we are actually on the whole both pretty traditional people. However, we love the naturalness of what we share and marriage felt contrived and the idea of an expensive ring, an elaborate ceremony and a permission slip from the state felt like it cheapened what we share. (The religious question - we are both Catholic - I admit that we have never fully reconciled in our minds and we do wrestle with it.)Even after my girlfriend became pregnant with our first child - a pregnancy that was unplanned if probably predictable - we just both decided we did not want it. I would propose tomorrow if my girlfriend wanted, but three children later it still does not appeal.
I'm not 30 years or older yet but i share your views on marriage and kids. Thank the impracticality of raising healthy humans and the complexity of marriage and the difficulty of achieving permanent financial success if you come from ground zero. It's all monetized in this day and age. So all that you're left with are very few amounts of choices.When do we get to enjoy our life properly when we have chosen marriage and kids? Little hint: You don't. Unless you're filthy rich or that is really your thing.
Not everyone wants a traditional lifestyle as determined by society, regardless of age. Sometimes I wonder if people truly want certain things, or if they only want them because they're conditioned to BELIEVE they do.
The traditional lifestyle developed because it was what people wanted. Considering marriage is the oldest human institution and reproduction is our highest biological priority (aside from survival), I’d say most people want it for good reasons even if societal pressures make that blurry.
People are definitely conditioned to do things like buy shit they don’t need, “have fun/party in college/their 20’s”, and criticize tradition.
I have found that men don't ask fat/overweight girls out on a date, much less marry them. They want hot girls with no personality, that are into their self and their looks, and like to play games rather than heavier girls who would treat a guy like a king. I girl can always lose weight and get into shape but a bad personality usually is there for good and very hard to change. I guess there is only one thing more to say...
Do you ask fat/overweight men out on a date? No? Then don't whinge about it
And no, it's not a man's job to ask you on a date.
@Zion333 Wow! A bit touchy there aren't you?
My wife was pretty overweight when we met but I feel for her anyway. I found that guys that are just looking to get laid might avoid overweight women but guys looking for a serious relationship can look beyond that.
*fell for her
@Straight_Shooter And how is it with her now? I've lost a lot of weight the last 2 years but still have a ways to go 190 to 140. You can do it if you put your mind to it.
Yo how you doin? You in Washington state?
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, at least not for the right reasons. I think part of my wants it because of hormones and society influence, not because I TRULY wanted it from the bottom of my heart. I want to be a good parent and for that I believe I need to be 100% sure that I want it, without the pressure from anyone or anything. But on the other hand, if it did happen unplanned, I'd do it and I know I'd love it.And when it comes to marriage, well I just haven't found the right guy yet. I spend most of my twenties on my long-term ex and focusing on studying and building up my career after we broke up. Now I'm nicely financially settled and to be honest I want to enjoy life a bit more, I'm planning on travelling in next few years. Who knows, maybe I meet the one along the way. :)
While I was not against either one, it was never a priority. I lived my life and never went looking specifically for either one. I had a couple of relationship where marriage was a possibility, and was even discussed, but it never happened. There just wasn't a compelling reason to marry.
I haven't gotten married because I haven't found someone I would be interested in marrying (I'm still looking). I'm not really interested in ever having children. Maybe for the right person, I would compromise and have just one child (and of course be the best father I can to him/her). But I'd honestly rather not have any.
Well for one thing I don't like or want children. I have plans and goals in life, none of which involve having rugrats. So even if I find the right guy, he cannot want kids either or it's an instant dealbreaker. As for why I'm not married or with someone? I can't find the right person that makes me happy or wants to be with me. I've been single over 10 years now, and at my age, the dating pool sucks!!! Most guys my age are already married, taken, or flat out not interested in me. Plus I live in a relatively small town, making dating even worse unless I do a long distance relationship or move. So I'm just living the bachelorette life for now.
Marriage is a Bad Deal for men. We can get everything we want without risking our lives, career and treasure with whom the Feminist Movement tells they have no fixed obligations to marriage. Maintaining a home and raising children can have its satisfactions but where women are no longer constrained by marriage, it simply is not worth the risk. One thing that is occurring for men who really want that life is to recruit uncontaminated foreign nationals from the Orient and Latin America to become life partners. A little Browning Of America in exchange for Peace of Mind. I have done exactly this.
That is because women from some of these countries you have mentioned will do anything to get out of their poor life and come to the US where they can then get the rest of their families over there too. It will probably cost you as much in the end as you seem to think domestic women take you for. The real problem is no on marries for love anymore, it is mostly for sex and when that becomes old cheating and breakups occur. But that can happen no matter what race of woman you marry.
@Daniela1982 All these things can happen, but the odds are still better. I live it today.
That's easy, at least for men. Men used to exchange financial security for 18-21 year old obedient virgins who would be faithful for life. If they cheated they were tossed out with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Now a man is expected to give the same financial security in exchange for an"over 30" woman who has been plowed by dozens or even hundreds of dudes and usually has multiple baby daddies. There is also a greater than 50% chance that she will divorce him as soon as she qualifies for lifetime alimony. It just is not worth it.
Well, no one has proposed. Not only that I am not pretty and guys preference pretty or not pretty. But other reasons too. I do want to get married though. As for the kids, well, you can't easily have kids without a man. But of more recent days, I've felt I didn't want to have kids. I'm not maternal, and other reason/s. And what's the point, if I don't want kids..
not 30 yet, but i'm far enough of both that i think it still counts: im an introvert and find it incredibly difficult just to meet new people. have not been in a relationship for years because of it. the only relationship i was in only came to be because she startet talking to me
Awww what a cute picture.I'm married. 20 years. I recommend it. But didn't have kids. Which I'm also fine with. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been good if we had, but I like our relationship without them. We get to live a very urban lifestyle, stay up late, do what we want as adults.
If I had a girlfriend who wanted children and our relationship was great, I would have been a father now. Since I do not have such girlfriend, I do not have children.As for marriage, I do not believe in it. I would not mind registering our relationship for tax purposes, but it means nothing to me. If we are happy together, I see no reason why we should get married.
Both are a complete waste of time. Marriage is just a device for women to access money for life regardless of if she wants to opt out of the marriage. And yet somehow in the day and age of gender equality men still have to fork over fork over alimony. Men have no custody rights. A survey of the judges in my state that deal with custody revealed a clear bias against men in custody proceedings, and this is in what is supposedly a progressive state.I'll take the financial security, freedom, and overall simplicity of being single. It is far more rewarding.
I used to want all this too. Continue the traditional and natural existance of humanity. But all this liberal pc culture, feminism / misandry, #metoo, etc. totally destroyed everything. Now I lost interest in women and plan to stay single. Marriage is now a scam and a threat towards men.
Well my husband is 30 and I soon will be in 2 years.We have not had children yet because I am a high risk for pregnancy so we need to make sure that our environment does not make things more complicated for me. Creating this environment would require a lot of planning and savings.
Well I am in a relationship with my boyfriend and hope one day he will propose to me.. Me and my boyfriend do have a child but it was a miscarriage but we will be having have children when we are both ready.
Propose yourself, it's the 21 century not 18
I shunned having a family, it was a curse I put on myself. That mis directed me. now I'm quite long in years to start such an adventure from scratch. anything is possible.
Well I'm not quite 30 yet but...1. I'm no ones type2. Women don't seem to be interested3. The pickings are slim at this age and will only get worse as I become 30 and older.Guess I might as well prepare for a lonely life and enjoy the decline. Lulz
I'm almost 30 so I think I an answer. Marriage is not nearly what it once was. In the past it benefited men and women equally. Today it benefits women far more than it does men. The benefits to men have all but disappeared while the risks and costs to men have skyrocketed. Marriage today is a very unwise choice for men.The same is true of kids. Men essentially have no reproductive rights and very few parental rights in the eyes of the law, and women are prone to taking full advantage of that. Fathers usually get get screwed anytime there is a divorce or split. Why would a man choose to put myself in that position?
I would argue marriage itself isn't the issue. What the courts have not been punished for turning it into, however, is an abomination. The courts need to be pitted and gutted, their core operating philosophies behind their policies deconstructed with a fine toothed comb. And all dogmas of Kate Millet disease eradicated with extreme prejudice.
@ObscuredBeyond I will agree that marriage itself isn't the issue, but it's moot when you consider the big picture. The reality is that marriage is bad for men as it exists in combination with today's social, political and legal climate AND the propensity of today's women to take full and unfair advantage of men in divorce. Marriage will never be a good deal again for men until all of those conditions change, and the only way things WILL change is for men to boycott marriage until it does, and that is increasingly what we are seeing happen.So yes, the concept of marriage is good, for both men and women (and children); the reality of it today is bad for men and great for women, which is unsustainable, which is why we are seeing the institution of marriage fall apart around us.
This was engineered in advance. The whores of Babel want to sit on the throne of God. The intact ordained family unit, therefore, has always been a threat to their madness. So making the institution toxic became imperative. Like pouring strychnine in a well.
@ObscuredBeyond Yeah well I'm not religious so I don't subscribe to all of that, but I agree with you on the core motives of feminism.
Haven't met the right girl yet, was in a relationship for a few years and that ended, just got rejected by my most recent interest... The time will come, maybe.And if not, whatever, I'm in my 30s, I don't have the patience for bullshit anymore.
I wanna get married. It seems at this day in age it’s always one or the other that wants more out of the relationship. Willing to get married and stay committed for their whole life. I know for sure I wanna get married for one I love having sex and As you get older that opportunity will get harder but if you’re married it’s right there
I would have had kids but my bestest loverly womanhalf took contraceptives. A couple had miscarriages, the rest I wasn't with long enough to impregnate. Nonetheless it was wise because there was no way I was insightful enough to have kids, and I can't let them grow up in poverse conditions. These days, all the kidstuffs are exponentially entertaining and desirable to keep even if broken so... i guess now's the time
I have barely had what anyone would call a relationship and I'm a virgin. I have no issue with the theory of wife and kids it's just the practical situation that I'm an ugly miserable loner :)
I have never been married, no children too. At my age, I know how a relationship are. Been in two relationships. I am an Introvert guy. Scared to talk to women. I have Epilepsy. I am walking my path now. In peace and being happy on my own.
Why don’t you like relationships?
@Dsg1193 I like them. I've only been in two. But my age now, I'll never find a woman who will understand me. My Epilepsy too.
Simple ! I am a Christian and the Lord has not shown me the man he wants me to marry or have children with yet ! My man will show up at my front door when the Lord is ready for him and I to date and so forth
Had a severe mental block for many years. I waa a 35yr old virgin. Went to shrink 2 years ago, changed my life. Been with girlfriend for over a year, we have child on way
I believe at this age you know what you want from life, your values are set and everyday life stabilized. Many would not date anyone but wait for THEIR match as they know what they want. So with me... Not too many vegans/vegetarians in my area 😅
Marriage isn't a game. I personally think it's a flawed idea that's barely functioning in modern times. As for kids, I find them burdensome and annoying. If you have a disabled child you will feel like shit most of the time because you helped bring him/or her into this world.Lastly, most people pretend marriage and kids are great. In reality it's all tedious and tiresome work unless you are born into an at least ok family.
I really don't understand the thumbs down. I feel like it consists of those who Hate/don't like the user/commenter or those who hate/dislike the truth... Or maybe number 3! Those who are in denial!
I dont understand people like this. I got married at 19 so when I see people at 30 I'm like wtf have you been doing with your life😆
There are more thing's to life than marriage and kids 😉
@crazy8000 I think people that dont get married or have kids aren't experienced in life and don't know what true love acutally is. If they go there whole life like this they will probably regret it when they are older
That's a religious belief. a lot of people doesn't even believe in marriage or want to contribute with more overpopulation.Some other's doesn't want spread their shitty genes.Some doesn't want the high risk of toxicity relationships tends to become.Some other's just don't want to feel that.What's right wrong life experience is relative to whom's it is.
@crazy8000 more overpopulation HAHAHHA what a fucking joke. Its no coincidence you are from the retarded country of Sweden. More people live in china and india than outside of it, more people live in 2 countries than in the other 203. How is the world overpopulated if clearly 203 countries have LESS population than these two? Total madness, have fun being replaced by afrticans.
I agree with you miss apples, marriage and love are the most beautiful thing in the world 😊
Very predictable with name calling also says a lot about someone and the situation.@estotericstoryWho do you try to convince?
I have these two friends of mine who married at that age; they're the happiest people I see sometimes.
Your life is too fast
I haven't hit on any guys my age since I don't have a lot of single guys who are my age that are in my circle.
I did not found right person for all of this.I would like to finish uni before all that, my PhD and move to city where is more opportunities, not only that what I can find here, what is not much...
I dislike the idea of marriage and I dislike the idea of having children even more than that.
Yes they certainly are a handful... and drain all energy you thought you had left... and the expense will leave you eating ham and mayo thoughtout your years... BUT... with the right spouse/partner/support from family you CAN have a very rewarding life.. and trust me when I say this.. U will Be Sad you Grew Up Old on your Own while everyone else has family to call their own... so keep that in mind... I do not think growing old without children is bad either.. but you get the idea
I was married when i was 20 year old, got separated after 9 years and divorcing after 13 years...She chose this way, there is nothing that can be done and she lost it all, that's what happens when you marry an unstable or mentally ill person who thinks that they are just fine and refuse to be treated.
Well that definitly sucks. That is why a longer engagement of a year or more is recommended that would hopefully let that come to light before you tie the knot.
@Daniela1982 miss daniela, you can marry a person after one month and be happy forever or you can marry after 10 years of engagement and divorce from the 1st month.A forever marriage to me means:1. keep your promises even if you have to die.2. love only your spouse forever and treat her the way you treat yourself3. don't let anyone manipulates you or interfere in your family life.4. your spouse is your life and your 1sr priority, not matter what happens, keep loving and forgiving except for cheating.5. that's all, enjoy your life and remember that marriage always need 2 to tango.
Why's the "over 30" part in there?Anyway, marriage... eh, I might do it, I mean there are upsides I suppose. Kids? Fuck that. Don't want life to be old and un-fun.
You have to get a woman you love to say yes to a proposal to do that. To get them to say yes to a proposal they have to be in love with you. To love you they have to get to know you. To get to know you they have to date you. To date you they first have to go out on A DATE. To go out on a date with you the first have to say "yes" when you ask them out. Once i get a woman i have interest in to say "yes" to a date then i feel i'll be closer to answering your question. Lol
I’m 38 and not married because it’s not been right! And no children because I have had three miscarriages! Life is hard and the older I get the more I realise that I don’t worry about either marriage or children! Or doesn’t and will never define you
Because I can't get a date let alone meet someone I'm remotely in a position to Marry. Also, no interest in kids. There are enough kids in this world. We don't need any more.
Marriage and children were things that I was always willing to have but neither one was a primary goal of mine. So I never found anyone to share those things with.
Kids are costly and stressful to raise. Dealing with another adult 24 hours a day also is stressful. Divorce is often messy and humiliating, especially for the man, and quite often he gets the wrong end of the deal. Without real love or a good partner neither makes sense---especially if you're a man.
I'm in a happy relationship and don't need a ring or a piece of paper. Kids I don't want.
They are waiting for the right time to start a loving relationship or not ready to take on commitment.It is because having children makes you take less time for the things you enjoy. It takes from your schedule.
I have never wanted kids and I haven’t met anyone I’d marry
I'm a mother, but I don't want to get married, I'll happily commit myself when I find the right person but marriage no
I need to be reunited with my long-term boyfriend in FL. We've been in a long-distance relationship for the longest now.
Married no kids. Our lives have just had too much demand, keeping careers going. We will have kids as soon as we get situated and have a good foundation on which to raise them.
I have social anxiety so it's hard to meet people. Plus I would hate to go through the stress of having children and getting married. Plus I haven't met the right person yet, though I am not interested in marriage or having g children.
Simply i was in military service and didn't want to leave people in pain in case of KIA... Then was busy to build foundation for future family just to find out that apparently i am too old now so i am enjoying myself and chasing my dreams... It bugs me sometimes that i don't have mini me but libe goes on
I've been married. " and have kids ,,, but right now I'm single ,, and looking `
I was engaged 20+ years ago. My fiancé died 2 weeks before our wedding. Since then I simply have not found the right woman. I also had a vesectomy many years ago so will never have children of my own.
Wow! That must’ve been devastating for you
@Diiamondz825 yes it was, but better now
Trying to find a stable partner so we can both mess up a kid together takes time. Besides marriage doesn't last long enough to attempt it in the first place.
I simply don't care & i don't mind leaving this world without ever continuing my legacy im an only child so the though of be being the last of my entire lineage had me shook at 1dt but now it's whatever
Who hurt you?
@Jesse0 un terms of the opposite sex?noone I've always felt comfortable doing my own thing & bring able to have independence & just bring able to spend my hard earned cash all on myself most guys who are desperate for a relationship think it's the best feeling in the world to have a girlfriend but from what I've seen in my family personally it just causes a lot of headaches & petty drama that could of been avoided if not getting into a relationship in the 1st place
I DON'T know.. I just Don't want to get married. I am not committed to anyone. And its 30... I am not that young anymore that marriage is the ultimatum for me! I m enjoying life in a new way and knowing that aging has its own beauty
To each his/her own. I loved being a father , I had four kids. But it is an extremely personal choice. The choice whether to have them or not, to get married or not lies within your experience an that is very personal
Having a child has been my greatest accomplishment. Raising her alone had been my greatest challenge and when we talk she is my best friend.
Raising a child alone is a very GREAT accomplishment. Kudos to you.
Thank you. It's been the most challenging and rewarding thing all at once.
Never had interest in kids. Always been sorta anti-marriage, but lately I'm happy in a relationship so just maybe.
I was married for a while, now divorced. Stopped dating after that. No kids because I've never met anyone worth it.
I havnt because my ex left me and girls dont give me any time
Married haven't found the right person maybe kids come cause to much sex lol
I truly want nothing to do with being a wife or a mother. And to be honest, this is the hardest question for me to answer because... I have no idea why I feel this way. I think the reason is buried deeper than what I can honestly dig up.
If that is how you feel then that's okay as along as you are happy
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