Am I a cheater?

So I was with him for about 3 years.

Things were going good.

He always made it a point to let me know that the woman he marries will be the only one he is ever with so if she died, he claims he will never be with a woman again out of respect, love, and loyalty.

I know most guys think it sounds like B.S but it is a tradition in his family so I do believe him when he says this to me.

He also made it a point to let me know that we were going to get married (without even asking for my opinion!) lol

Well, I think it is perfectly fine to remarry. Also, I didn't think he was the one for me. I loved him dearly, but didn't see my self marrying the guy.

I didn't know how to respond without hurting his feelings about his strong beliefs on marriage and marrying me. Also, he never asked me for my opinion on neither!

As a result, I guess he went around with the assumption that I had the same beliefs.

As I got to know him, I also realized he was very jealous and controlling. So our relationship was like a damn roller coaster! We would break up all the time and then get back together.

The last time I broke up with him, I thought we were done for sure so I actually started dating since I was single right?! lol

And I met a really nice guy who I ended up having sex with.

A few months later I started talking my ex again and he asked me if I had dated or had sex with any one and I told him yes since I did right?! Ha Ha!

He got so angry with me and accused me of being a CHEATER!

He said he didn't see or talk to any one because he was still in love with me and getting over our break up.

So WTF I wasn't even with him?!

Now he always tells me he can't trust me and that I broke all the "trust" between us.

I don't consider this cheating! I WASN'T with him! I think he's just jealous

What do you girls and guys think?

PLEASE HELP! I am so confused!


Most Helpful Girl

  • He is just being jealous. He "loved" you (I use that word loosely here seems more like a controlling obsession, very unhealthy, please don't go back to that) and when you guys broke up that time he thought it would be like the others so he didn't want you to see any one else. Truth is you did nothing wrong. You didn't like him that much, he wasn't a good guy (he sounds a little creepy to me, no offense) for you to date so you broke up and moved on. Just because he can't get over you doesn't mean the opposite is true. You had every right to go out, date, f*** or do whatever with who ever you wanted. Don't feel like you're in the wrong because you're not. Screw him, he clearly needs... Some kind of help though I couldn't begin to guess what if he thinks that he's still in charge of you/owns you when you're not together.

    You don't want him as a friend anyway so shrug him off and move on, he's not for you and you don't need his approval or friendship, there are a lot better people out there and, lets be honest, we all know it.

    So don't you dare even think about feeling bad, you did nothing wrong, okay?

    • OMG, The best advice I have heard in a while. Thank you so much.

    • You're very welcome, I really hope I could help. And thank you for saying so.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You're dealing with a clingy emotional crazy guy.

    If I were you, I'd stay away from him and let him move on.

    Marriage? Hah. He's so desperate to get married eh? I tend to let the chips fall in place and let the girl say she wants to marry me. Just takes time though, to build that loving bond.

    No, you didn't cheat. You moved on while he didn't. Getting back together with him will only result in the same pattern of breaking up. One, or both of you, need to change and get on the same wavelength to make it work. And I doubt you're willing to change for him, or vice versa.

    In all honesty, whichever one loves the other more, will inevitably make sacrifices to be with their significant other. This is why girls chase jerks around, calibrating to his demands. Or wussy nice guys doing whatever it takes to be with a drop dead gorgeous self-centered witch. It's a scale-balancing act.

    • He was always VERY VERY clingy and emotional. It scared me a bit. I agree with you about one of us needing to change to make things work. I don't think we are on the same page. I thiink he wants a submissive woman who is ready to marry while I am just wanting to explore the world and get in touch with my self.Too bad I didn't figure this out 3 years ago lol :/ Thank you for your advice. It has helped alot.

  • If you made it super duper clear to him that you are not together any more! You should not feel bad about anything! Feel good about yourself, you found someone you really liked and hopefully something good came out of it.

    Do not beat yourself up. Let me just tell you exactly why he thinks you cheated.

    Here it is. " Even though you made it perfectly clear that the relationship is over, but he like always took his opinion over yours, he was unable to accept the reality" and so even though you both were officially not together and probably still arent, he actually believed he could make the relationship work again"

    It seems to me like he has issues with himself. He needs to realize that the world does not revolve around him.

    Please Do not beat yourself over this. It isn't healthy, plus you could do better! You did the right thing and nothing wrong.


    Hope this helped anyway possible. Enjoy Your Life. Good Luck.

  • Well if you *actually did* break up with him - then no. You didn't cheat.

  • Damn, if I didn't know better I would think you were my ex...I mean like just about word for word. No I don't suppose you were cheating though he probably took it really personally.

    I mean damn though...I swear if you aren't my ex then this is really damn creepy. I suspect you are probably more honest that her though.

    (sorry the comment on a 2 month old question, but it was just seriously weirded me out reading it)


What Girls Said 1

  • Technically you weren't cheating. He is jealous for sure! If you guys broke up and you went with some other guy, that is out of his control and he is pissed. I recommend breaking ANY AND ALL ties with this guy. A controlling man is a precursor to abuse. CUT ALL TIES ASAP.

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