How do I deal with a paranoid fiance???

I have been with my fiance for 2 years now, we got engaged last year June. We first met back in Feb 2007, we tried to have a date a few times but his family not knowing he was going out for a date kept asking him for help with things. As such I called it quits. We didn't see each other for a whole year, during which I met another guy that I liked, it didn't really go anywhere apart from one oral sex session. We met up again March 2008, within weeks we said "I love you" to each other. He told me about his past relationship, how he was engaged before and she disappeared on him 2 weeks before the wedding. I told him about my past experiences and that he was my first actual relationship.

For the first few months everything was great, just a few hiccups. But over the past year and a half he has been getting increasingly paranoid and distrustful. He gets extremely jealous and paranoid over the guy I met during our year apart, my past sexual encounters and any male I talk to.

The most recent is this...I wrote a simple status on facebook about not being able to sleep, to which a cousin of mine replied with some ex's. My fiance then calls me up at 2am and demands an explanation as to who he is and why he put the ex's on there. No matter how many times I said he was just a cousin and there was nothing going on he wouldn't believe me. I hung up on him as I couldn't get through to him. I spoke to my cousin and he wrote to my fiance explaining things. I can see how it would look to my fiance, some man putting ex's on my status and him not knowing who he was. But why couldn't he believe me?

I spoke to him online and he started ranting about some of my extended family members purely because they are related to a bloke I had a one night stand with over 5 years ago.

Since being engaged I have been trying to get a date set, find venues, etc the usual stuff. But he Doesn't help with anything and then complains there's nothing in the wedding about him. So I change the color scheme, the location...he complains about a lot of things that we can't change yet, he won't do anything to help with the situation either, like set up a savings account, find a better job, etc.

He thinks whenever we don't have sex I don't find him attractive, or that I'm seeing someone else. Its driving me crazy, but I love him so much. Please guys help me out, what can I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'd like to begin by telling you I have been there. Only in my case she insisted she wouldn't get engaged until I bought an outrageously high priced ring that was obviously something I couldn't afford.

    I thank the gods, higher powers, fate, what have you that we never got married now. Like you it was a whirlwind romance, intense feelings, and like you the jealousy, irrational behavior and insistence on sex was so distracting I never saw it for the smokescreen it was and is.

    You see, she had cheated on my since day one. All that stuff about jealousy and delaying a serious commitment were all about distracting me from what was really going on. To this day I'm still not sure how many people she slept with during our 3 year relationship but it was over 10 on a regular basis, she admitted to them after we split. All the drama is about making you focus on something besides where they are and what they are doing. I never noticed it until afterward but the jealousy and outrageous behavior were directly connected to any questions or curiousity about who she was with or what she was doing.

    Simply put, you need to move on, you are being hurt constantly by someone who is supposed to love you and care about you but is instead being completely selfish. If you don't believe me about the cheating thing, start checking up on him, you'll find out quickly either he's a jealous nut, or he's sleeping with other people. In either case the relationship isn't good, and you know it, but just don't want to move on because you still love him. In the long run however, it's only going to get worse either way, people who have those kind of ingrained habits almost never break them.

  • Hmm relationships, I will say that most men are just jealous by nature. I am not, but a lot of men are. For me personally I couldn't stand someone treating me like that. It sounds like you guys have too work some things out. he deffly sounds stressed overall. you need too get the point across to him that you are not cheating on him, and that your past partners have no part in your future. hope everything works out for you!


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