Can someone help me understand him?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. During these two years he's been up and down on the subject of marriage. Sometimes he'd talk about it or he'd say that he wants to marry me one day. One time I had a health scare and that night he looked at me and said he'd regret not having married me yet. Other times he's very against the idea. He'll say that he doesn't see the point in it, and that all marriages end in divorce anyway. My New Years resolution to him was that I'd never bring up the subject of marriage again, and I've kept my promise. Last night though, out of nowhere he started talking about marriage again but ended up saying this: "I'll buy you a ring, and show the world that you are mine, but I'll never marry you. Take that however you want." I'm really confused now. If he never marries me I'll be OK with it, but it's hard when he brings it up sometimes and gets my hopes up, only to be let down.

To top off the icing on the cake, as I was thinking about posting this question my sister called me and said that her boyfriend had just asked her to pick out a ring. They've been together for as long as me and my boyfriend have. Now I'm a sad panda...

Last weekend my boyfriend came home from work and said that he'd had a client come in who was a preacher and that he'd made a promise to the preacher to go to his church on Sunday. Well, he forgot. However, a couple days later I was in my boyfriend's store visiting and the preacher came in so I went and sat on a chair and waited. My boyfriend apologized for forgetting and the preacher says "if you don't come to my church, I can't do your wedding". My boyfriend got a little embarrassed...
and so the preacher then says "well isn't that what we were talking about last time?". My boyfriend got really embarrassed then (the preacher didn't know who I was).



Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't be a sad panda. How you told him how you feel? Obviously you want to marry so you should tell me that. If he is still against the idea then I am afraid you two need some time apart. That might make him see sense!

    I am not so sure about the prove that you are his...isn't that essentially marriage to most people that proves that (not all of course)?

    • I have told him how I feel, and he knows that I want to be his wife. The funny thing is though that most of the time it's him who brings up the subject. It just seems like he can never make up his mind of whether or not he wants to marry me. Also, about a year ago we did break up. He called me two days later saying that he couldn't stop thinking about wanting to marry me.

      That's what I thought giving someone a ring meant too...

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    • No don't blame yourself...once I see the history then the probable answer is easy to find. It happens more than you realize.

    • Thanks for your answers.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • If he's willing to buy the ring and "show the world that you're his" but doesn't want to get married, sounds like he doesn't want to get married.

    Basically what Johnireland said. If you REALLY want to get married, it seems like you'll have to give him an ultimatum. It sucks, but when it comes to commitment this is the way you have to be with a lot of men, including myself sometimes.

    • I'm not going to give him an ultimatum because I love him, and marriage doesn't have to happen for me to be happy. I'm just confused as to why he still talks about it...wants to do it...then changes his mind. Again, and again, and again...

  • If you really want to get married, this isn't the guy for you. He sees marriage as mostly a negative, in order to be compatible, you'd have to agree.

    • He's more important to me than marriage is. I just need to accept the fact that he'll probably never propose (It would help if he wouldn't talk about it -,-)

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    • You were content before when you thought he'd never ask. He still may drag his feet. But it does sound like he really loves you, regardless.

    • :D that's all that really matters.

What Girls Said 1

  • You need better taste in men. He's just stringing you along.

    No wonder you're harping on my opinions.

    Sad panda indeed.

    • LOL, go away Udolipixie. I don't need your negativity or your trolling.

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    • Try to stop lumping all men into the same category. They're not all the same. Some are pricks, no denying that, but there are some men who are good at heart. Just like you and me.

    • Is he on medication? Maybe he's worried about getting a house if you two don't live together? However if he's thinking of getting a ring he's probably saved up.

      Just let him ride this confusion out.

      Hateful is pretty strong. I hate a select few rapists/pedophiles/child molesters. I'm distrustful just that men get more distrust.

      Good advice is good advice no matter if you like the person or not.

      I'm not good at heart. I occasionally have good intentions but I'm a bit well tipped in the grey.