I don't know if they are rude. But we definitely feel like the black sheep of the family. No matter how hard we try we just don't connect and get so many comments. These comments cause anxiety. It's not just the parents but siblings also.
It is difficult to tell if they make you feel negative, or you feel negative about yourselves, so are hypersensitive to criticism. You say "we get so many comments" and they "cause anxiety". How do you respond to them? Make the commenters think about what they are doing. Without more detail it is hard to suggest anything. You can ask things like "What effect do you intend that comment to have?, "How do you think that makes us feel?", "Why do you try to impose your values on us?".Of course, if you are actually involved in harmful activities (like drugs), then his family may have a legitimate case to make.
I don't think confrontation is great. I sometimes feel like there are hints of racism I am in a interracial relationship. But also my husband is of low social status compared to his bothers and I think that might be another reason. Basically we just have different opinions e. g. I'm a stay at home house wife and they aren't in his family. We prefer minimal lifestyle with little technology they are opposite. I feel like we have to walk on egg shells to be accepted for who we are truly.
Confrontation may not be great, but neither is your current situation. Nothing will improve unless you do something. It may help to point out that you both might have made unwise life choices, but you are where you are, and doing your best to make a happy life for yourselves.
They don't like us as individuals I think
What is his opinion about this problem?
To ignore it cause that's how they are and not think of the comments, I'd like to do same also just getting the hang of not getting anxiety after is hard
Is it his parents, his siblings, or both?
Do you live near them? Is manufacturing a situation that would "require" you to move to another location a practical solution?
We don't live with them. We talk to them every week and yeah even that's like too much for us.
You need to find a way to put a psychological distance between yourselves and them. The only thing you can do for your husband is to downplay the importance of their opinions and be supportive of him. Having an antagonistic family is extremely stressful on a marriage. Been there and done that.
It's just getting into that frame on mind is so hard for us. It really affects our health. Have you got any tips how to be at peace when we sense negativity from them.
You need to view them as mentally ill people who you can tolerate and even love because they are family, but you don't need to like them and you certainly don't need to value their opinions.
It's the anxiety afterwards it stays for days. I don't know how to get rid of that.
Perhaps he should communicate with them less frequently.
We can't 😓
Cause they'll talk about me... And I don't like that
It sounds as if the best course of action would be to minimize contact with them and just accept the fact that they will be talking about you regardless of what you do. If you maintain contact because they might talk about you, then you are willingly and voluntarily giving them control of this situation.
I really don't want to be known as the woman who distanced my husband from his family.. I can't live with that guilt
Then let it be his decision. But gently remind him that he has options if he chooses to continue spending time with them and getting upset at how they treat him.Thanks for MHO!
Yeah and you are welcome 🙂
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