Guys, do you care whether your wife takes your last name?

Question

I like the idea of having the same last name but I wouldn’t want to share one that’s embarrassing or difficult to spell and pronounce. And by the time I’m ready to get married I’ll already be known professionally by my own name so changing it would be a pain even before you consider the legal hassle. I might hyphenate it though.

Answer 1

Zealashton

Xper 6

im ignoring all the shit of this world.

i hate my whole name,
but i can't see my self being called anything else.

instead if i had to chose a new name
i want my lover to give me a name, a full 3 name, thats uniq and only me
and for her, i would like it if i could do the same,

if she wants my last name fine,
if she wants us to have the same last name fine
but its not going to be what our famillys branded us with,

a new life, means new start, new start means new advatures, new advantures should have new names,
names that we can be proud of, and feel honored
i would then sudjest we get a hot iron meat shaped as some custom crest we come up with, and brand our should or our backs with,
a branding,,
i think thats extream, but yet, in a way that hot metal burning the flesh, should repersent our commit ment, and bond, and all the pain we will suffer, but also something beatufuil will be created from the pain and suffering,
this is my belif, not a religion, or anything, and i hate religion they do forskin mutilation and more, and no one should do such things, to anyone,
i would never subject someone to mutilate their body to that extent, being branded, is pretty sever, but its not like im asking you to do it, or anything, we can always get a tatto, to match, or something,
but i like that idea tho but i would say matching big tattos on backs with a custum crest would be awsome,
i belive, that people
should have their own ways to make them uniq, and not follow others, religion is toxic and pure evil, i think you all should find something that will make you genuinly uniqe and exotic but

i hate religion, and people who follow like blind sheep

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Answer 2

TheorionMage

Yoda

When in my formative years, I found most Western European folks 'tripped over' pronouncing my Eastern European sur name, I removed the offending consonant "Chojnicki" to "Chonicki". My family over time took this as my being ashamed of my ethnicity and down the years they estranged me. Frankly I don't miss the inter-household soap-opera drama.

My present second wife had worked very hard in her first marriage to hold all her household together, earn income and raise two sons. When we 'hand fasted' (pagan marriage) she's elected to retain her familial maiden name and not hyphenate adding mine. I KNOW where her heart and fidelity is. Her appending my last name upon hers is only a minor annoyance.

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Answer 3

NamerOfStars | 91 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I've heard a story that Kevin Bacon's wife, pregnant with their first child, got into an argument with him (I don't know if this is true, obviously): she apparently had made an arrangement back in childhood that her first child would be named Macon, after a family friend, but Kevin but his foot down, saying "We're not naming a child 'Macon Bacon'". (Which shows how long ago it was; a celebrity deciding NOT to give their kid a stupid name would be newsworthy these days). In a situation like that, I'd be more vehement that she keep her own name. Other than that, I don't care.

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Answer 4

madgoat | 226 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

I let her make the decision and she chose to take my name. It's very flattering and defines her as part of my life. The alternative may have felt like a rejection although I did consider taking her name actually.
Hyphenation is a good compromise. I don't really like the idea but it makes for logical sense. Particularly for women who have a strong public and professional identity. Then it's a brand.
I guess you could change your name but keep your current in the professional sphere. Like folk do in entertainment.

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Answer 5

Finchie40 | 104 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

That would be something you would have to talk to him about , me personally would prefer my wife to take my last name , out of respect and because it would be a hassle for not sharing the last name when it comes to. Having kids and government documents , You’re a family now And it’s proper , If my wife didn’t want to take my last name I would feel she really didn’t want to take my hand in marriage , again another selfish decision , it’s just a name and it will all fall into play , people change their phone numbers all the time it eventually goes back to the way it was , respect your marriage or don’t get married at all

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Asker

1 y
If it’s “just a name” then why does it matter if she takes it or not?
Finchie40

1 y
It might matter to your fiancé , again you would have to talk to him about it and see how he feels about it , if he doesn’t look to happy with it then just take his name , if he doesn’t care then keep your name but again talk to him about it , if he instantly doesn’t like the idea then don’t do it and don’t try to change it around to get your way , the first words out of his mouth is what matters
Asker

1 y
I know he may feel differently but I’m asking you. Clearly you care that your wife takes your last name, so why call it “just a name”? It doesn’t seem to be just a name for you, so by that did you mean it’s just a name for her?
I wouldn’t default to whatever he wants because his preference doesn’t matter nearly as much as mine when it’s my name that I have to go by and not his. If he feels strongly that I have his last name I would hyphenate it but only if he does the same with my name.
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Finchie40

1 y
I think most guys care to be honest , it’s the symbol of marriage it shows you are a family , if you have kids one day you want your kids to feel that you are one , it confuses kids and I know families that the wife didn’t take the last name and the kids hate it , they feel it’s disrespectful , so why confuse them and others , is your name that important to you? If you love your husband it shouldn’t be an issue , it’s a proper thing that has been going on for centuries , shit they even teach you in school about it But you do what you want to do it’s your life , all I am saying is talk to him about it , now if he has an embarrassing last name I can see not taking it lol but if you did I feel it just shows you value and look up to your husband and respect him , he might feel embarrassed to his friends and family that you didn’t take it when a girl doesn’t take it , The husband feels she doesn’t really value him I know it hurts a guys feelings even though he might say it’s fine it’s still going to sit in him weird, it’s just the way most people were taught and it’s proper. Bottom line it comes down to being known as one , It’s better to be known as The Smith family instead of The Smith family , oh wait hyphenated Jones
Asker

1 y
We can still share a last name if we both hyphenate and we wouldn’t have kids so it doesn’t matter how that would affect them. And even if we did have kids their names would be hyphenated too because they came from both of us and they’re part of both our families; it doesn’t make sense for their names to only reflect one side of their family.
My name is more important to me than someone else’s inability to grasp a simple concept.
It’s not about not loving, valuing, or respecting him, it’s about being practical and honoring my family. And I don’t intend to “look up” to him regardless of any decision about my name— I’m his equal partner, not his child. If he wants to share a name that’s fine but it would bother me if he wants me to change my name for marriage and his satisfaction but he wouldn’t do the same for me. Hyphenated last names may be longer and unconventional but I find them more appropriate for a married couple because they reflect a union, not an absorption. It’s not just me joining his family and becoming part of him, he’s joining my family and becoming part of me.

Answer 6

Asker

If it’s “just a name” then why does it matter if she takes it or not?

Answer 7

Finchie40

It might matter to your fiancé , again you would have to talk to him about it and see how he feels about it , if he doesn’t look to happy with it then just take his name , if he doesn’t care then keep your name but again talk to him about it , if he instantly doesn’t like the idea then don’t do it and don’t try to change it around to get your way , the first words out of his mouth is what matters

Answer 8

Asker

I know he may feel differently but I’m asking you. Clearly you care that your wife takes your last name, so why call it “just a name”? It doesn’t seem to be just a name for you, so by that did you mean it’s just a name for her?
I wouldn’t default to whatever he wants because his preference doesn’t matter nearly as much as mine when it’s my name that I have to go by and not his. If he feels strongly that I have his last name I would hyphenate it but only if he does the same with my name.

Answer 9

Finchie40

I think most guys care to be honest , it’s the symbol of marriage it shows you are a family , if you have kids one day you want your kids to feel that you are one , it confuses kids and I know families that the wife didn’t take the last name and the kids hate it , they feel it’s disrespectful , so why confuse them and others , is your name that important to you? If you love your husband it shouldn’t be an issue , it’s a proper thing that has been going on for centuries , shit they even teach you in school about it But you do what you want to do it’s your life , all I am saying is talk to him about it , now if he has an embarrassing last name I can see not taking it lol but if you did I feel it just shows you value and look up to your husband and respect him , he might feel embarrassed to his friends and family that you didn’t take it when a girl doesn’t take it , The husband feels she doesn’t really value him I know it hurts a guys feelings even though he might say it’s fine it’s still going to sit in him weird, it’s just the way most people were taught and it’s proper. Bottom line it comes down to being known as one , It’s better to be known as The Smith family instead of The Smith family , oh wait hyphenated Jones

Answer 10

Asker

We can still share a last name if we both hyphenate and we wouldn’t have kids so it doesn’t matter how that would affect them. And even if we did have kids their names would be hyphenated too because they came from both of us and they’re part of both our families; it doesn’t make sense for their names to only reflect one side of their family.
My name is more important to me than someone else’s inability to grasp a simple concept.
It’s not about not loving, valuing, or respecting him, it’s about being practical and honoring my family. And I don’t intend to “look up” to him regardless of any decision about my name— I’m his equal partner, not his child. If he wants to share a name that’s fine but it would bother me if he wants me to change my name for marriage and his satisfaction but he wouldn’t do the same for me. Hyphenated last names may be longer and unconventional but I find them more appropriate for a married couple because they reflect a union, not an absorption. It’s not just me joining his family and becoming part of him, he’s joining my family and becoming part of me.

Answer 11

ColHathi

Yoda

I would, yeah, because if she'd want my name, that would be incredibly flattering, and it'd make me feel very honored and loved (in that moment). That said, it's not something I'd ever ask of her, it's not something I'd expect her to do, I wouldn't doubt her love just because doesn't want to, and I wouldn't be sad if she didn't want it because I don't know why she'd want to.

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Answer 12

Surely

Yoda

It sometimes makes an issue with government forms when you have different or hyphenated last name. Always need to ask what is on the original form before signing anything.
Have been through it with my wife.

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Answer 13

wkozak

Xper 6

In my country only the famous people do this, no one cares about the last name of someone's wife except if she is the first lady.

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Answer 14

jamesgoldman | 215 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

It wouldn't be a deal breaker if she didn't but I like the idea of getting a double-barrelled name

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Answer 15

OfDeath | 122 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

That's part of the deal when I ask a woman to marry me. If she turns around and said "oh but I won't take your last name" then the deal is off.

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Answer 16

guesswhoseback

Xper 5

If she is doing for “feminist” reasons I probably would I never propose to her in the first place. But my last name is very long and intimidating for people to pronounce. So there might some wiggle room here.

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1 Person

Answer 17

Dave31989

Yoda

my mom hyphenated

i don't care, personally

as long as my kid, son or daughter, DEFINITELY, gets my last name. GET OVER IT

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Answer 18

samay259

Xper 1

I don't want to take her my name.
We will be one soul but it doesn't have anything to do with name so let's not ruin it and let her beautiful name staybas it was.

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Answer 19

michael1469 | 86 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Yoda

Looking back at if... my second wife didn't... and we were divorced in 2 years... so i would say lack of commitment.

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Answer 20

bamesjond0069 | 375 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

Take my name or dont marry me. That would be humiliating.

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Answer 21

Psychoanalytical

Xper 5

No big deal to me. Those things don't matter to mature men in my opinion.

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2 People

Answer 22

Rob17792

Yoda

when i'm in her state i'd take her last name on but when she's in mine she'd take my last name on

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Answer 23

Unit1 | 384 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I hate my (last name). It carries nothing but shame. I aim to change that legally.

I don't care if women want my last name or not. As long as it's not the current one 😂

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1 Person

Answer 24

SuccessfulHornDog | 279 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I ended it with a girl because she didn't want to take it. I hadn't yet proposed but we got on the topic and that's when I realized that feminists aren't for me.

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3 People

Answer 25

mrgspoter

Yoda

Her no kids if had any yes, but I don't like marriage so that's a excuse for me to say no lol

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Answer 26

Trooper205

Yoda

It's entirely up to Get for thought, but I'd LOVE my Girl to take my Name ❤️ She said Her name with my last name to Me in the past, and it simply made my heart melt and my eyes well up.

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1 Person

Answer 27

Twinrova

Explorer

Yes. My Nonno would want that and that is important to me.

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1 Person

Guys, do you care whether your wife takes your last name?

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