Is there a such thing as a marriage anymore?

I find marriage kind of sacred but now people are getting divorces. I get scared that I will be come like my whole family with all the cheating husbands and wives and then the massive amounts of divorce. There are so many sexual scandals. I want a marriage where I will only have one husband...maybe another if the first one died but I really just want to have one guy who I will end being with until I get old with and die. does this even exist anymore?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Pssssh. I wish. I love this question because I have been asking the same thing. My parents met at 17 years old and have been together ever since. But as time goes on, relationships just don't seem to last anymore. It's sad. I picture this amazing wife of mine but the way things are goin, I'll probably never find her


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What Guys Said 6

  • It exists. But honestly, few get it right the first time.

    We push marriage WAY too hard in this society. The way it's sold, you grow up, find your sweetheart, get married, have kids, raise them, and live happily ever after.

    It. Never. Happens. This. Way.

    First, we grow throughout our lives. Sometimes we grow toward our chosen partner, sometimes away. Sometimes our relationships survive our changes, sometimes not. Here's a secret: that's okay! If you find yourself more and more miserable with the partner you've chosen, through someone or no one's fault, then better free than miserable. That's what you don't often hear about divorce--a LOT of them, are really good ideas.

    Also, young people *especially* tend to gallop toward the altar before deciding, seriously, whether they belong there. Do they like each other? Do they want the same things, emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually? Do they want this person parenting their child? Are they prepared to deal with ALL of this person’s issues?

    It's heartbreaking to see a marriage in crisis simply because they refused to ask these questions. Or worse, they asked the question, got the wrong answer, but got married *anyway* because "I had to get married; that's what you do when you love someone."

    Wrong, wrong, wrong!

    This will save you an ocean of sadness: you're going to love a lot of people in your life. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY ANY OF THEM, EVER. He might be a poor candidate for marriage—meanies, druggies, crazies and the like.

    You might be a poor candidate for marriage. You may not like long-term commitments. Or putting down roots. Or exclusive relationships. Here's a secret: that's okay! If you're not the marrying type, no need to blow up a marriage proving it.

    We never tell people this about marriage, of course. Instead, we preach the *opposite* of the truth. I've heard nonsense like:

    -Love will make the marriage work no matter how incompatible you are

    -You don't want to put a marriage at risk by sorting out major issues in advance

    -If you wait until you're mature and you know what you want, you'll be too old to marry

    -If you value the marriage, you'll change into who your spouse wants

    -You're unhappy in your marriage because you want too much

    -Everyone, deep down, wants/needs to get married

    -If you don't get married, you're selfish/defective/immature

    -Marriage is the only possible way to be certain to make a relationship last

    ...and on, and on, and on. Widespread, destructive lies, the source of a lot of unhappiness. *Of course* we're going to have a staggering divorce rate. People discover that everything they heard about marriage was a lie; what they heard would work, won't; what they heard would be good, will be miserable. It’s later, after they learn the truth about marriage, people, and themselves, that they get the good marriage.

    If you value marriage, be honest about it. The minute we lie is the minute marriage breaks--our own marriages, and marriage itself.

  • Yeah I think people treat marriage as a transient thing they can get out of if they ever regret their decision. Divorce is treated like a legitimate conclusion to a marriage even though it's akin to an abortion (conceptually). I don't think I could ever trust a woman not to marry me for money or any of the other things I have going for me besides who I am as a person. For instance my dad and I run a family business that has been doing very well and the thought of some ex wife getting the proceeds from this thing that my dad and I have put so much effort into makes my blood boil. If I ever get married, you better believe I'm having an iron-clad bulletproof pre-nup drafted for it.

  • Yeah, I know what you mean; you see a lot of marriages gone wrong in the media because that's what makes news stories! That shouldn't be an indication of whether your future marriage falls through though, because the crux of the matter is that the luck of a successful, loving marriage depends on those involved.

    If it's not there, you'd have more luck being struck by lightning twice while the planets are in alignment.

  • no I don't think it exists.. its a cute idea but I don't think people have it in them to have such a substantial emotions

    ppl only live for themselves... as a guy, for instance, why would I want to get married : look at the dating pool I have to pick from in the US

    girls with white-washed views of themselves, epicly slutty pasts, selfish narcism... women that only wana marry once they're getting old and after having slept around...

    and for what? 50% divorce rate.. 75% initiated by women.. and what percent do you think in the remaining 50% are actually happy... without cheating?

    f*** it.

    • those stats aren't close to being accurate just so you know.

    • i've seen it happen to good men too many times for me to risk it. I'm not interested in committing to the aging shell of another man's f*** buddy

  • I think there are many factors will infect it:

    1.If your husbands have sex with other girls after marriage,will you divorce?you can not control your husbands' **** lol..

    2.Too many things will attarctive you ,maybe handsome guys ,maybe moeny,maybe otherthings,can you make sure you won't do something betray your husbands?

    3.If the marriage life is too long time ,do you think there will still have passion for you?and if no passion,will you or husbands will seek again?(espacially for sex)

  • "but now people are getting divorces"

    I've got some disturbing news for you kid. People have been getting divorces for a very very long time. They're not new.

    You want a monogamous marriage until death? You should go to one of those countries where divorce is illegal and live there and get married there.

    You might wonder while you're there, why there are so many deeply unhappy couples, who desperately WANT divorce. And why sometimes a husband will murder his wife. But don't worry about that. I'm sure you'll pick the one perfect guy for yourself, and you'll both never get tired of each other, never stray, and never ever ever want to go and be with someone else and find yourself trapped in a permanent legally binding loveless contract.


What Girls Said 4

  • I think it exists, and I know from personal experience how it is to have family like that. No one in my family has had multiple children with the same person, only a few marriages and they ended... except two where the men passed away... I plan on changing that when I get married. I think the fact you are recognizing it and thinking about it is good in itself, you just need to find a man somewhere else... a different type than what you know because they are out there looking for the same thing you are... its just a crazy hunt lol.. and a lot of trial and error.

    Just take things slow in your relationships also, see if there is something there besides sex before you just go and do that... and maybe try and live with him for awhile and see how that works before you marry him...

    Then when you find that guy, where he's like your best friend and you can talk to him about anything and everything and you truly feel like you can trust him with anything, you'll know it...

    I've learned all of this by trial and error myself haha, my exs being the same types as the other women in my family would of ended up with... I had to move out of the state for awhile to really understand some things... but its all up to you personally what you need. I guess in all of this ramble, my point is just take relationships slow lol... its the safest way to go about it... because the longer you know someone the more you know about them and understand them and you can tell what they want in their life by their actions.

    A guy can seem all sweet and dreamy to start with but with time he'll slip up on lies, or his true behavior comes out. So just be optimistic. :)

  • I don't think it's healthy to think only about the negatives and what could potentially happen. Sure, cheathing could potentially could having a great marriage which I think is more common. There are good and bad possibilities with everything, that's no reason to deny yourself of what you want.

  • Mosty people are too lazy and idividualistic nowadays to actually commit to a relationship, let alone marriage. It does exist but it's more rare than it used to be.

  • Yes it does. My two closest friend's parents are still married and so are mine. Most of my extended family members that are married are still together. My parents got together in their 30s, I wouldn't say they've had the best relationship at all and at times I believe they would be better off divorced but they are still together with no striking evidence of infidelity. I have seen happy couples and unhappy couples reach old age together. I think it's something the old fashioned people have instilled in them about never giving up no matter how hard the trials of life are. They grew up with fewer choices than we did so they were taught to make the best of what they got perhaps. Sadly, we are living in the age of instant gratification where if we don't like something we just trade it in or get a new one.

    A guy once told me that it was OK for people to divorce and remarry because people make mistakes. This struck a wrong chord with me because I feel that who you choose to marry should never be considered as a mistake. It's like saying that that person was a mistake and you want to erase the past with a divorce. That is not what life is about. You can bet that there are always going to be trials in a marriage. Infidelity is a more common problem than one thinks but many couples have successfully overcome this and they are able to reach old age. I know the feeling of being "betrayed" but I also know that I would much rather have that than to feel "replaced."

    • Oh yeah and about my parents, even though it may seem that they are unhappy they are truly not. They still show affection even though they argue so much, but that's their character and they fit for each other.