When do you think you need to finally to get married?

Question

Answer 1

nightdrot | 71 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Never, actually. The reasoning being somewhat convoluted.

My girlfriend and I met over 14 years ago and have been living together and we have been living together for 12 years. We have three children. They are the center of my universe and I love her and them with all my heart.

The funny thing is that when we moved in together - itself a bit of a surprise given that we are actually both pretty traditional - we began to talk about getting married. It did not really appeal.

So the conversation sort of drifted off - and then my girlfriend got pregnant the first time. It was funny. She cried telling me because she thought I was going to be upset. I cried because I was wildly happy.

So we began discussing marriage again - but it just does not sing to us. It is not that we do not believe in marriage. There is no doubt as an empirical matter that it is better for society than not. As a religious matter - we are both Catholic and attend church even now with our kids, though we do not take the Sacraments - we understand its importance.

It is just that we love what we have and we think it is natural and beautiful. We are as nature intended us to be, simple and instinctive. Somehow, the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state detracts from that. Even the religious aspect, though we are a bit more unsure in that respect, gives it a complexity that does not improve what we have, strange as that sounds.

It is not even a question of not wanting a big ceremony. Probably we could work around that - without offending too many family members. (I say that only partly in jest. Certainly, it would make her Navy veteran and very Catholic father VERY happy to have a wedding at all.)

It is just the whole idea of marriage adds a level of complexity that we do not want. What my girlfriend and I share is animal and natural and instinctive and emotional and deep all at once. Marriage, seen in that way, is artificial and a contrivance.

It is not that I object to artifice. I do not and think society needs it. It is just that I do not want it in my relationship to the mother of my children.

Truth in advertising my emotions - and that of my girlfriend - are sincere. Our thinking is not totally consistent. Yet we are happy - we are in every way, were you to see us, a happy and loving comfortable suburban family only minus the ring and the marriage license - and we don't want to fix that which is not broken.

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1 Person

KrakenAttackin

1 y
There is marriage before God and marriage before the government. If we took government OUT of marriage I would be more amenable.
nightdrot

1 y
@KrakenAttackin Well, actually probably not. That is why, as I have mentioned, that what my girlfriend and I are doing is - oddly enough - not something we would recommend as a matter of law and culture.

Think of this, before the early 1970s, marriage was a legal contract. If it was broken, it was determined who was at fault and alimony, child support and property distribution was apportioned accordingly. This made marriage something that society took seriously and engaged in with care. It reflected and reinforced an ethos that supported marriage.

Then the culture began to change and with it came the advent of no-fault divorce. Suddenly, the marriage license had no value and was simply a scrap of paper with certain tax and maybe Social Security survivors benefits attached.

So treated, as marriage was given less seriousness, so it began to decline. It became something that people took for granted and took frivolously. So we are where we are.

For my girlfriend and I, the religious aspect is not something we have, bluntly, reconciled in our own minds and there have been moments when we really do struggle with it. However, as a matter of law, it has been so degraded that we just see it as degrading what we have.

However, in a way, that is accepting things as we find it, and not as it ought to be. We are happy and it works for us - but you need only look around to see that, in law and culture, that is the exception and not the rule.

Answer 2

KrakenAttackin

There is marriage before God and marriage before the government. If we took government OUT of marriage I would be more amenable.

Answer 3

nightdrot

@KrakenAttackin Well, actually probably not. That is why, as I have mentioned, that what my girlfriend and I are doing is - oddly enough - not something we would recommend as a matter of law and culture.

Think of this, before the early 1970s, marriage was a legal contract. If it was broken, it was determined who was at fault and alimony, child support and property distribution was apportioned accordingly. This made marriage something that society took seriously and engaged in with care. It reflected and reinforced an ethos that supported marriage.

Then the culture began to change and with it came the advent of no-fault divorce. Suddenly, the marriage license had no value and was simply a scrap of paper with certain tax and maybe Social Security survivors benefits attached.

So treated, as marriage was given less seriousness, so it began to decline. It became something that people took for granted and took frivolously. So we are where we are.

For my girlfriend and I, the religious aspect is not something we have, bluntly, reconciled in our own minds and there have been moments when we really do struggle with it. However, as a matter of law, it has been so degraded that we just see it as degrading what we have.

However, in a way, that is accepting things as we find it, and not as it ought to be. We are happy and it works for us - but you need only look around to see that, in law and culture, that is the exception and not the rule.

Answer 4

Walt832

Xper 6

On the day i stop humping 🐇. I prefer to remain single to much drama later, then kids will drive you nuts and responsibilities. I have enough in my business and my parents crap. Just enjoy on the weekend in my backyard 🍷 in my whirlpool 🧖‍♂️ or 🧘‍♂️.

Isn't wonderful just step in the door and hear silence and peace. If I step in my parents home, aaaah shiiiiiiiiiiiit 😆. Mom craps while my dad is just watching tv, dad only says "mhm, yup".

I asked my dad, what the recipe? He says "let her be, wants arguments to blame and feel she is right. So just "mhm, yup" she will stop. Even she still mad 😡 because she didn't optain what she wanted, so either way she will be mad. 😆.

I am like 😳 aaaah hell naaa I'll be 🏃out the 🚪.

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Answer 5

Anonymous

When you find the right person and know he (or she) is the one. I got married to my first husband at what would be considered a more typical marriage age and that marriage ended badly (so badly that I had to get a restraining order to protect myself and my 2 daughters). I didn't get married to my current husband until I was 41 (which would be an "old" marriage age) and we've got a great relationship, he's got a great relationship with my two daughters, and we've had twin boys together.

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1 Person

egykimo

1 y
Been waiting for this opinion. Thanks !

Answer 6

egykimo

Been waiting for this opinion. Thanks !

Answer 7

DaisyM23

Xper 6

I mean... in a lot of cultures, young marriages are generally expected but don’t rush it. Find someone you love, it can be at any age, hopefully over 21 at least. But yeah... l personally would hope to get married by 35 but it changes with different people, no set age

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1 Person

Answer 8

OlderAndWiser | 815 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Influencer

Perhaps English is not your primary language and you aren't expressing yourself precisely, but getting married should be a want or desire, not a need.

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4 People

egykimo

1 y
In your culture it can either a want or a desire, however it can be a need in my country cuz it is linked to sexual intercourse as its not allowed beyond marriage. Its not about language dude
OlderAndWiser

1 y
Since this is an international site, you should mention whenever there is a cultural consideration that affects your question. With respect to Western cultures, I wrote this a few years ago:

When Should You Get Married? ↗

Answer 9

egykimo

In your culture it can either a want or a desire, however it can be a need in my country cuz it is linked to sexual intercourse as its not allowed beyond marriage. Its not about language dude

Answer 10

OlderAndWiser

Since this is an international site, you should mention whenever there is a cultural consideration that affects your question. With respect to Western cultures, I wrote this a few years ago:

When Should You Get Married? ↗

Answer 11

exitseven | 275 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I had ended an long relationship that was really painful, then I went on a spree where I was dating several girls at once and treating them all like crap. This was not making me happy at all. In fact I was very unhappy and sick of it all. Then I met somebody who was really nice to me. I used to see girls treat guys like this and always wondered why nobody ever treated me like that. I went with somebody for over 4 years and she used to tell me that she loved me but she always treated me as less important than just about everything else in her life.
After a while I decided I was ready to get married.

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Answer 12

Qdbrown

Xper 6

If the man is smart and doesn't want to be tortured and humiliated--Never!

Modem marriage is so against the man I wonder how some even entertain it? Must be religious and Disney fantasies.

If a man gets married, these days, he has made one of the worse the decisions in life. This wasn't the case years ago. But the horror stories are like above 80%. And it's a nigthmare that just keeps on giving years and decades after divorce.

So if a man gets married, these days, not talking to you Gen X'ers or older who still might be married, you get a year of greatness followed up by things I wouldn't wish on my enemy.

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2 People

Answer 13

The_Maphio

Yoda

You don't need to marry, ever.
Unless you do it for the ceremony, which would be pretty sad.

You can also get married at your town hall, without wasting all the money a wedding ceremony normally entails.

This is if you're a practical person, of course.

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Answer 14

Static_In_The_Attic | 55 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

I VOTE NEVER! On the flip side if I were to get married I would only do so after the prenuptial agreements are signed & all assets are protected. Marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it is all said & done your house is gone. No thanks I’ll pass!

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3 People

Answer 15

Little_Bumblebee

Guru

When you feel ready and you have found the person that is right for you.

I don't think there is a universal time that is optimal when it comes to marriage.
Also, marriage isn't for everyone.

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NatalieKeller95

1 y
who would you say marriage isn't for?
Little_Bumblebee

1 y
Just that some people don't want to get married and stuff like that.
And some wants to stay single for whatever reason they have
NatalieKeller95

1 y
like disabilities such as autism and downs syndrome, could also be a reason why some don't get married
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Little_Bumblebee

1 y
Sure. I wasn't thinking in those lines as I don't know any with those kind of disabilities. But yeah, that might be a reason too.

Point was just that not everyone wants to or needs to get married. For whatever reason

Answer 16

NatalieKeller95

who would you say marriage isn't for?

Answer 17

Little_Bumblebee

Just that some people don't want to get married and stuff like that.
And some wants to stay single for whatever reason they have

Answer 18

NatalieKeller95

like disabilities such as autism and downs syndrome, could also be a reason why some don't get married

Answer 19

Little_Bumblebee

Sure. I wasn't thinking in those lines as I don't know any with those kind of disabilities. But yeah, that might be a reason too.

Point was just that not everyone wants to or needs to get married. For whatever reason

Answer 20

modelUN242

Explorer

22, my mom got married that age I think. Plus I know some other girls who did at 22-23. I'm pretty jealous.

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Answer 21

NobleFlight

Xper 5

I don’t “need” to get married, rather when I “want” to, perhaps IF I want to. If I did, sometime around age 30-35 would be nice.

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Answer 22

likelyOK | 62 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Explorer

Stop showing up we had a really racist family member, just stopping coming around them

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Answer 23

ryancg

Explorer

I don't know, I'm 28 and people I meet seem to think it's strange that I'm not married and don't have kids. I'm in a committed relationship currently, I've just not given much thought to marriage.

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Answer 24

AdithyaR | 70 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Yoda

When you're well and ready.
And it's perfectly fine if you don't ever get married either.

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Answer 25

genericname85 | 157 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

to me, it's utterly pointless to think about marriage while not even having a girlfriend xD

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Answer 26

DeltaCharlieEcho

Xper 6

If you’re a man and live in a western society, it’s not going to be the right time in any of our lifetimes.

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Answer 27

Apple1996 | 274 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I got married young when I was 19. It was the best choice I've ever made. I can't imagine waiting any longer than that.

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1 Person

bamesjond0069

1 y
Thank you for not being silent. So many women who make that kind of choice dont speak up for various reasons.
Apple1996

1 y
@bamesjond0069 not sure why more don't speak up. They're married and there's nothing to hide about it
bamesjond0069

1 y
I think they just get a lot of shame. I know i do for my more traditional choices in dating. So i can only imagine.
Show All Show Less
Apple1996

1 y
@bamesjond0069 yeah people hate the traditional lifestyle. Its sucks cause I get judged for it a lot
bamesjond0069

1 y
I am a 34 year old man so I am not afraid to just say whats up publicly. I think younger women in your position are just going to be more timid in standing up for their choices.
Apple1996

1 y
@bamesjond0069 very true. I think as people age they give less fucks about what anyone thinks about them. That seemed to hit me a little early so maybe that's why I'm so open

Answer 28

bamesjond0069

Thank you for not being silent. So many women who make that kind of choice dont speak up for various reasons.

Answer 29

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 not sure why more don't speak up. They're married and there's nothing to hide about it

Answer 30

bamesjond0069

I think they just get a lot of shame. I know i do for my more traditional choices in dating. So i can only imagine.

Answer 31

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 yeah people hate the traditional lifestyle. Its sucks cause I get judged for it a lot

Answer 32

bamesjond0069

I am a 34 year old man so I am not afraid to just say whats up publicly. I think younger women in your position are just going to be more timid in standing up for their choices.

Answer 33

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 very true. I think as people age they give less fucks about what anyone thinks about them. That seemed to hit me a little early so maybe that's why I'm so open

Answer 34

Anonymous

Never. I‘ll never get married anyway because of my race. 😁

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egykimo

1 y
What's wrong with your race
Opinion Owner

1 y
I‘m black. 😂
egykimo

1 y
🤨 the most beautiful and kind hearted people. Race doesn't have any thing to do with marriage anyways
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lukeclej

1 y
You’re not wrong. Only 25% of black women get married. But if you’re not the stereotype and actually take care of yourself then you should be ok.
Qdbrown

1 y
She is trying to tell you that she is black. And just because you're married isn't so... They also have high divorce rates.

Answer 35

egykimo

What's wrong with your race

Answer 36

Opinion Owner

I‘m black. 😂

Answer 37

egykimo

🤨 the most beautiful and kind hearted people. Race doesn't have any thing to do with marriage anyways

Answer 38

lukeclej

You’re not wrong. Only 25% of black women get married. But if you’re not the stereotype and actually take care of yourself then you should be ok.

Answer 39

Qdbrown

She is trying to tell you that she is black. And just because you're married isn't so... They also have high divorce rates.

Answer 40

Clarke498 | 82 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

A better physique. Which would lead to better confidence. Hopefully.

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Answer 41

itsdeaaa_94

Xper 3

It's too soon for me. And I'm not talking about age or time. I need to get all my things done. I need to change things about myself. And finally, I need a partner.

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1 Person

Answer 42

BarryLiverstone

Yoda

With the way the government is in the US and where it is trending; marriage is no longer a need. People can now rely on the government as they used to a spouse.

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1 Person

Answer 43

sheikalana | 120 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

30s is a good time for a women to get married. For guys I guess between 30-35.

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1 Person

bamesjond0069

1 y
Lmfao 30s for women my ass.
KrakenAttackin

1 y
@bamesjond0069 What she means is "I have finally climbed off the cock carousel, hit the wall, now I need a simp to pay for all of my bad judgement".

Answer 44

bamesjond0069

Lmfao 30s for women my ass.

Answer 45

KrakenAttackin

@bamesjond0069 What she means is "I have finally climbed off the cock carousel, hit the wall, now I need a simp to pay for all of my bad judgement".

Answer 46

gacialukas

Xper 1

I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

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When do you think you need to finally to get married?

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