When do you think you need to finally to get married?

Question

Answer 1

nightdrot | 68 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

Never, actually. The reasoning being somewhat convoluted.

My girlfriend and I met over 14 years ago and have been living together and we have been living together for 12 years. We have three children. They are the center of my universe and I love her and them with all my heart.

The funny thing is that when we moved in together - itself a bit of a surprise given that we are actually both pretty traditional - we began to talk about getting married. It did not really appeal.

So the conversation sort of drifted off - and then my girlfriend got pregnant the first time. It was funny. She cried telling me because she thought I was going to be upset. I cried because I was wildly happy.

So we began discussing marriage again - but it just does not sing to us. It is not that we do not believe in marriage. There is no doubt as an empirical matter that it is better for society than not. As a religious matter - we are both Catholic and attend church even now with our kids, though we do not take the Sacraments - we understand its importance.

It is just that we love what we have and we think it is natural and beautiful. We are as nature intended us to be, simple and instinctive. Somehow, the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state detracts from that. Even the religious aspect, though we are a bit more unsure in that respect, gives it a complexity that does not improve what we have, strange as that sounds.

It is not even a question of not wanting a big ceremony. Probably we could work around that - without offending too many family members. (I say that only partly in jest. Certainly, it would make her Navy veteran and very Catholic father VERY happy to have a wedding at all.)

It is just the whole idea of marriage adds a level of complexity that we do not want. What my girlfriend and I share is animal and natural and instinctive and emotional and deep all at once. Marriage, seen in that way, is artificial and a contrivance.

It is not that I object to artifice. I do not and think society needs it. It is just that I do not want it in my relationship to the mother of my children.

Truth in advertising my emotions - and that of my girlfriend - are sincere. Our thinking is not totally consistent. Yet we are happy - we are in every way, were you to see us, a happy and loving comfortable suburban family only minus the ring and the marriage license - and we don't want to fix that which is not broken.

KrakenAttackin

28 d
There is marriage before God and marriage before the government. If we took government OUT of marriage I would be more amenable.
nightdrot

28 d
@KrakenAttackin Well, actually probably not. That is why, as I have mentioned, that what my girlfriend and I are doing is - oddly enough - not something we would recommend as a matter of law and culture.

Think of this, before the early 1970s, marriage was a legal contract. If it was broken, it was determined who was at fault and alimony, child support and property distribution was apportioned accordingly. This made marriage something that society took seriously and engaged in with care. It reflected and reinforced an ethos that supported marriage.

Then the culture began to change and with it came the advent of no-fault divorce. Suddenly, the marriage license had no value and was simply a scrap of paper with certain tax and maybe Social Security survivors benefits attached.

So treated, as marriage was given less seriousness, so it began to decline. It became something that people took for granted and took frivolously. So we are where we are.

For my girlfriend and I, the religious aspect is not something we have, bluntly, reconciled in our own minds and there have been moments when we really do struggle with it. However, as a matter of law, it has been so degraded that we just see it as degrading what we have.

However, in a way, that is accepting things as we find it, and not as it ought to be. We are happy and it works for us - but you need only look around to see that, in law and culture, that is the exception and not the rule.

Answer 2

KrakenAttackin

There is marriage before God and marriage before the government. If we took government OUT of marriage I would be more amenable.

Answer 3

nightdrot

@KrakenAttackin Well, actually probably not. That is why, as I have mentioned, that what my girlfriend and I are doing is - oddly enough - not something we would recommend as a matter of law and culture.

Think of this, before the early 1970s, marriage was a legal contract. If it was broken, it was determined who was at fault and alimony, child support and property distribution was apportioned accordingly. This made marriage something that society took seriously and engaged in with care. It reflected and reinforced an ethos that supported marriage.

Then the culture began to change and with it came the advent of no-fault divorce. Suddenly, the marriage license had no value and was simply a scrap of paper with certain tax and maybe Social Security survivors benefits attached.

So treated, as marriage was given less seriousness, so it began to decline. It became something that people took for granted and took frivolously. So we are where we are.

For my girlfriend and I, the religious aspect is not something we have, bluntly, reconciled in our own minds and there have been moments when we really do struggle with it. However, as a matter of law, it has been so degraded that we just see it as degrading what we have.

However, in a way, that is accepting things as we find it, and not as it ought to be. We are happy and it works for us - but you need only look around to see that, in law and culture, that is the exception and not the rule.

Answer 4

Walt832

Xper 6

On the day i stop humping 🐇. I prefer to remain single to much drama later, then kids will drive you nuts and responsibilities. I have enough in my business and my parents crap. Just enjoy on the weekend in my backyard 🍷 in my whirlpool 🧖‍♂️ or 🧘‍♂️.

Isn't wonderful just step in the door and hear silence and peace. If I step in my parents home, aaaah shiiiiiiiiiiiit 😆. Mom craps while my dad is just watching tv, dad only says "mhm, yup".

I asked my dad, what the recipe? He says "let her be, wants arguments to blame and feel she is right. So just "mhm, yup" she will stop. Even she still mad 😡 because she didn't optain what she wanted, so either way she will be mad. 😆.

I am like 😳 aaaah hell naaa I'll be 🏃out the 🚪.

Answer 5

Anonymous

When you find the right person and know he (or she) is the one. I got married to my first husband at what would be considered a more typical marriage age and that marriage ended badly (so badly that I had to get a restraining order to protect myself and my 2 daughters). I didn't get married to my current husband until I was 41 (which would be an "old" marriage age) and we've got a great relationship, he's got a great relationship with my two daughters, and we've had twin boys together.

egykimo

29 d
Been waiting for this opinion. Thanks !

Answer 6

egykimo

Been waiting for this opinion. Thanks !

Answer 7

DaisyM23

Xper 5

I mean... in a lot of cultures, young marriages are generally expected but don’t rush it. Find someone you love, it can be at any age, hopefully over 21 at least. But yeah... l personally would hope to get married by 35 but it changes with different people, no set age

Answer 8

OlderAndWiser | 695 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Influencer

Perhaps English is not your primary language and you aren't expressing yourself precisely, but getting married should be a want or desire, not a need.

egykimo

1 mo
In your culture it can either a want or a desire, however it can be a need in my country cuz it is linked to sexual intercourse as its not allowed beyond marriage. Its not about language dude
OlderAndWiser

1 mo
Since this is an international site, you should mention whenever there is a cultural consideration that affects your question. With respect to Western cultures, I wrote this a few years ago:

When Should You Get Married? ↗

Answer 9

egykimo

In your culture it can either a want or a desire, however it can be a need in my country cuz it is linked to sexual intercourse as its not allowed beyond marriage. Its not about language dude

Answer 10

OlderAndWiser

Since this is an international site, you should mention whenever there is a cultural consideration that affects your question. With respect to Western cultures, I wrote this a few years ago:

When Should You Get Married? ↗

Answer 11

exitseven

Yoda

I had ended an long relationship that was really painful, then I went on a spree where I was dating several girls at once and treating them all like crap. This was not making me happy at all. In fact I was very unhappy and sick of it all. Then I met somebody who was really nice to me. I used to see girls treat guys like this and always wondered why nobody ever treated me like that. I went with somebody for over 4 years and she used to tell me that she loved me but she always treated me as less important than just about everything else in her life.
After a while I decided I was ready to get married.

Answer 12

Qdbrown

Xper 4

If the man is smart and doesn't want to be tortured and humiliated--Never!

Modem marriage is so against the man I wonder how some even entertain it? Must be religious and Disney fantasies.

If a man gets married, these days, he has made one of the worse the decisions in life. This wasn't the case years ago. But the horror stories are like above 80%. And it's a nigthmare that just keeps on giving years and decades after divorce.

So if a man gets married, these days, not talking to you Gen X'ers or older who still might be married, you get a year of greatness followed up by things I wouldn't wish on my enemy.

Answer 13

The_Maphio

Xper 7

You don't need to marry, ever.
Unless you do it for the ceremony, which would be pretty sad.

You can also get married at your town hall, without wasting all the money a wedding ceremony normally entails.

This is if you're a practical person, of course.

Answer 14

Static_In_The_Attic

Yoda

I VOTE NEVER! On the flip side if I were to get married I would only do so after the prenuptial agreements are signed & all assets are protected. Marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it is all said & done your house is gone. No thanks I’ll pass!

Answer 15

Little_Bumblebee

Explorer

When you feel ready and you have found the person that is right for you.

I don't think there is a universal time that is optimal when it comes to marriage.
Also, marriage isn't for everyone.

NatalieKeller95

28 d
who would you say marriage isn't for?
Little_Bumblebee

28 d
Just that some people don't want to get married and stuff like that.
And some wants to stay single for whatever reason they have
NatalieKeller95

27 d
like disabilities such as autism and downs syndrome, could also be a reason why some don't get married
Show All Show Less
Little_Bumblebee

27 d
Sure. I wasn't thinking in those lines as I don't know any with those kind of disabilities. But yeah, that might be a reason too.

Point was just that not everyone wants to or needs to get married. For whatever reason

Answer 16

NatalieKeller95

who would you say marriage isn't for?

Answer 17

Little_Bumblebee

Just that some people don't want to get married and stuff like that.
And some wants to stay single for whatever reason they have

Answer 18

NatalieKeller95

like disabilities such as autism and downs syndrome, could also be a reason why some don't get married

Answer 19

Little_Bumblebee

Sure. I wasn't thinking in those lines as I don't know any with those kind of disabilities. But yeah, that might be a reason too.

Point was just that not everyone wants to or needs to get married. For whatever reason

Answer 20

modelUN242

Explorer

22, my mom got married that age I think. Plus I know some other girls who did at 22-23. I'm pretty jealous.

Answer 21

NobleFlight

Xper 5

I don’t “need” to get married, rather when I “want” to, perhaps IF I want to. If I did, sometime around age 30-35 would be nice.

Answer 22

likelyOK | 62 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Explorer

Stop showing up we had a really racist family member, just stopping coming around them

Answer 23

ryancg

Explorer

I don't know, I'm 28 and people I meet seem to think it's strange that I'm not married and don't have kids. I'm in a committed relationship currently, I've just not given much thought to marriage.

Answer 24

AdithyaR | 60 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Explorer

When you're well and ready.
And it's perfectly fine if you don't ever get married either.

Answer 25

genericname85 | 141 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

to me, it's utterly pointless to think about marriage while not even having a girlfriend xD

Answer 26

DeltaCharlieEcho

Xper 5

If you’re a man and live in a western society, it’s not going to be the right time in any of our lifetimes.

Answer 27

Anonymous

Never. I‘ll never get married anyway because of my race. 😁

egykimo

1 mo
What's wrong with your race
Opinion Owner

1 mo
I‘m black. 😂
egykimo

1 mo
🤨 the most beautiful and kind hearted people. Race doesn't have any thing to do with marriage anyways
Show All Show Less
lukeclej

1 mo
You’re not wrong. Only 25% of black women get married. But if you’re not the stereotype and actually take care of yourself then you should be ok.
Qdbrown

29 d
She is trying to tell you that she is black. And just because you're married isn't so... They also have high divorce rates.

Answer 28

egykimo

What's wrong with your race

Answer 29

Opinion Owner

I‘m black. 😂

Answer 30

egykimo

🤨 the most beautiful and kind hearted people. Race doesn't have any thing to do with marriage anyways

Answer 31

lukeclej

You’re not wrong. Only 25% of black women get married. But if you’re not the stereotype and actually take care of yourself then you should be ok.

Answer 32

Qdbrown

She is trying to tell you that she is black. And just because you're married isn't so... They also have high divorce rates.

Answer 33

Apple1996 | 185 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I got married young when I was 19. It was the best choice I've ever made. I can't imagine waiting any longer than that.

bamesjond0069

28 d
Thank you for not being silent. So many women who make that kind of choice dont speak up for various reasons.
Apple1996

28 d
@bamesjond0069 not sure why more don't speak up. They're married and there's nothing to hide about it
bamesjond0069

28 d
I think they just get a lot of shame. I know i do for my more traditional choices in dating. So i can only imagine.
Show All Show Less
Apple1996

28 d
@bamesjond0069 yeah people hate the traditional lifestyle. Its sucks cause I get judged for it a lot
bamesjond0069

28 d
I am a 34 year old man so I am not afraid to just say whats up publicly. I think younger women in your position are just going to be more timid in standing up for their choices.
Apple1996

28 d
@bamesjond0069 very true. I think as people age they give less fucks about what anyone thinks about them. That seemed to hit me a little early so maybe that's why I'm so open

Answer 34

bamesjond0069

Thank you for not being silent. So many women who make that kind of choice dont speak up for various reasons.

Answer 35

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 not sure why more don't speak up. They're married and there's nothing to hide about it

Answer 36

bamesjond0069

I think they just get a lot of shame. I know i do for my more traditional choices in dating. So i can only imagine.

Answer 37

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 yeah people hate the traditional lifestyle. Its sucks cause I get judged for it a lot

Answer 38

bamesjond0069

I am a 34 year old man so I am not afraid to just say whats up publicly. I think younger women in your position are just going to be more timid in standing up for their choices.

Answer 39

Apple1996

@bamesjond0069 very true. I think as people age they give less fucks about what anyone thinks about them. That seemed to hit me a little early so maybe that's why I'm so open

Answer 40

Clarke498 | 71 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Yoda

A better physique. Which would lead to better confidence. Hopefully.

Answer 41

itsdeaaa_94

Xper 3

It's too soon for me. And I'm not talking about age or time. I need to get all my things done. I need to change things about myself. And finally, I need a partner.

Answer 42

BarryLiverstone

Xper 6

With the way the government is in the US and where it is trending; marriage is no longer a need. People can now rely on the government as they used to a spouse.

Answer 43

sheikalana | 84 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

30s is a good time for a women to get married. For guys I guess between 30-35.

bamesjond0069

29 d
Lmfao 30s for women my ass.
KrakenAttackin

28 d
@bamesjond0069 What she means is "I have finally climbed off the cock carousel, hit the wall, now I need a simp to pay for all of my bad judgement".

Answer 44

bamesjond0069

Lmfao 30s for women my ass.

Answer 45

KrakenAttackin

@bamesjond0069 What she means is "I have finally climbed off the cock carousel, hit the wall, now I need a simp to pay for all of my bad judgement".

Answer 46

gacialukas

Xper 1

I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

Answer 47

LightxGreen2

Xper 1

Don't know lol. The way I see it I might be single as f even after 10 years.

Answer 48

Unit1 | 331 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Men and "finally get married"? 🤔
What's in it for men?

Qdbrown

29 d
No sex. Being valued less than the dog. Working long hours, and not gicing up most of your money. Loss of friends, freedom to go where you want and hobbies. Regulated to your own room or man-cave. Emasculation. Then divorce, living your family or out of your car. Supporting her new boyfriend. Never getting to see your kids much. Being treated like a failure with your circle. Makes suck starting a shotgun exciting. Drinking problems. A shorter lifespan. And sappy father's day gifts. Yeap, that's what's in it for men.

Answer 49

Qdbrown

No sex. Being valued less than the dog. Working long hours, and not gicing up most of your money. Loss of friends, freedom to go where you want and hobbies. Regulated to your own room or man-cave. Emasculation. Then divorce, living your family or out of your car. Supporting her new boyfriend. Never getting to see your kids much. Being treated like a failure with your circle. Makes suck starting a shotgun exciting. Drinking problems. A shorter lifespan. And sappy father's day gifts. Yeap, that's what's in it for men.

Answer 50

Anonymous

Its never going to happen, relationships and marriage are a thing of the past.

Answer 51

letssee89

Explorer

I'm today's world, there's no reason to get married

Answer 52

Smashingdoozy

Yoda

I don't think that you need to get married at all.

egykimo

27 d
It depends on the culture and society and your sexual limits b4 marriage etc.
Smashingdoozy

27 d
So it depends on your personal preference.

I don't want to get married. The only good thing I see about it which is stupid is being able to be taken more seriously financially.

Answer 53

egykimo

It depends on the culture and society and your sexual limits b4 marriage etc.

Answer 54

Smashingdoozy

So it depends on your personal preference.

I don't want to get married. The only good thing I see about it which is stupid is being able to be taken more seriously financially.

Answer 55

Anonymous

Probably in a few years. Maybe at 22-23ish

Answer 56

FictionalCharacter

Yoda

When I find my soulmate?

egykimo

29 d
Is it hard to find him
FictionalCharacter

29 d
Yes.
egykimo

29 d
Do you think it is possible to find him online
Show All Show Less
FictionalCharacter

29 d
Tried it. But it never works out because I want the real thing. Physical affection and intimacy, not virtual.
gacialukas

29 d
I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..
Red_Arrow

28 d
Virtual affection and intimacy, when honestly given, can be a satisfying temporary situation when needed, until you can get the real thing.

Answer 57

egykimo

Is it hard to find him

Answer 58

FictionalCharacter

Yes.

Answer 59

egykimo

Do you think it is possible to find him online

Answer 60

FictionalCharacter

Tried it. But it never works out because I want the real thing. Physical affection and intimacy, not virtual.

Answer 61

gacialukas

I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

Answer 62

Red_Arrow

Virtual affection and intimacy, when honestly given, can be a satisfying temporary situation when needed, until you can get the real thing.

Answer 63

GoldenTulip

Xper 5

Hopefully next year or in 2 years. :)

gacialukas

29 d
I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..
KrakenAttackin

28 d
@goldentulip. That wall is coming fast.
GoldenTulip

28 d
Ow yes? Is it? Hmm

Answer 64

gacialukas

I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

Answer 65

KrakenAttackin

@goldentulip. That wall is coming fast.

Answer 66

GoldenTulip

Ow yes? Is it? Hmm

Answer 67

DizzyDesii | 391 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Sometime before age 30.

egykimo

1 mo
Good luck dear

Answer 68

egykimo

Good luck dear

Answer 69

Agape93 | 200 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Never

egykimo

1 mo
You don't like commitment?
Agape93

1 mo
Commitment doesn’t bother me. I just don’t believe in the concept of marriage.
egykimo

1 mo
Is that because couples can actually do all things they want before marriage so no need for it?
Show All Show Less
Agape93

1 mo
Sort of. There’s nothing one needs to be married that one cannot do before marriage. The only benefit is financial, mostly regarding taxes, and the drawbacks can be significant

Answer 70

egykimo

You don't like commitment?

Answer 71

Agape93

Commitment doesn’t bother me. I just don’t believe in the concept of marriage.

Answer 72

egykimo

Is that because couples can actually do all things they want before marriage so no need for it?

Answer 73

Agape93

Sort of. There’s nothing one needs to be married that one cannot do before marriage. The only benefit is financial, mostly regarding taxes, and the drawbacks can be significant

Answer 74

ChrisMaster69

Guru

Been there done it. Have t shirt

Answer 75

Iron_Man | 692 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

That’s a longshot

Answer 76

TacosRAwesome | 507 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

The papers.

Answer 77

Nazgol

Xper 6

Already am😒🤯😩🙄

egykimo

27 d
Ok but why so sad
Nazgol

27 d
Because it's not easy!
egykimo

27 d
Yes especially in the Eastern societies.. plus it is a long journey with ur partner

How it is going anyways?
Show All Show Less
Nazgol

27 d
I'm in Canada. How what is going?
egykimo

27 d
I mean how is your marriage going
Nazgol

27 d
Has its ups and downs
egykimo

27 d
God bless your life and make it easy and happy
Nazgol

27 d
Thanks!

Answer 78

egykimo

Ok but why so sad

Answer 79

Nazgol

Because it's not easy!

Answer 80

egykimo

Yes especially in the Eastern societies.. plus it is a long journey with ur partner

How it is going anyways?

Answer 81

Nazgol

I'm in Canada. How what is going?

Answer 82

egykimo

I mean how is your marriage going

Answer 83

Nazgol

Has its ups and downs

Answer 84

egykimo

God bless your life and make it easy and happy

Answer 85

Nazgol

Thanks!

Answer 86

KrakenAttackin | 133 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

No man should ever get married.

Answer 87

TheFlak38 | 231 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

Never.

Answer 88

David_Bayer

Xper 7

I don't really want to get married

Answer 89

Steve1071

Xper 5

Never

Answer 90

PinkHamster

Xper 5

Hopefully soon

gacialukas

29 d
Best regards
gacialukas

29 d
I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

Answer 91

gacialukas

Best regards

Answer 92

gacialukas

I hope I can get a freind for long term relationship here..

Answer 93

Daniel_Dano

Xper 6

I will marry when make enough to support a family.

Answer 94

michael1469 | 59 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Yoda

On my death bed...

Answer 95

Account | 80 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Never.

Answer 96

Willoughby23

Xper 5

Never

Answer 97

Anonymous

When you want kids

Answer 98

jasco | 80 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

around 30

Answer 99

Anonymous

never

Answer 100

Vetis

Xper 4

45 or 50

KrakenAttackin

28 d
So she can take half of your retirement, make you pay spousal support for life, and leave you in poverty but still an economic slave to her as she fucks anyone she wants on your dime?
Vetis

28 d
@KrakenAttackin they only do that in tandem with their single mother strategy. And i think the laws might be different in the future.

Answer 101

KrakenAttackin

So she can take half of your retirement, make you pay spousal support for life, and leave you in poverty but still an economic slave to her as she fucks anyone she wants on your dime?

Answer 102

Vetis

@KrakenAttackin they only do that in tandem with their single mother strategy. And i think the laws might be different in the future.

Answer 103

MHosseinn

Xper 1

Never

When do you think you need to finally to get married?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes