What if I want a wedding, but not a marriage?

And what if I want a child but not a husband?

So with the relationships I’ve witnessed since birth I am totally traumatised for life. My only long term (7 year) relationship was a toxic mess. I don’t have any intention of committing to anyone again. I just want to be alone now.

HOWEVER I want a child and I want to do right by the child and I don’t know if it would be ideal to raise a child created by donor sperm as a single mother who would have no father figure like I didn’t have one in my childhood.

And I know tthis may sound childish but I always wanted to be a bride. I want to have a “wedding party” and dress like a bride and have the photos but I don’t want the marriage that comes attached with it because I know eventually it will come to an end and I don’t really want to put up with the shit that leads up to the end of it.
What if I want a wedding, but not a marriage?
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