What should I do if he calls?

My ex-fiance and I broke up two weeks ago. however, we saw each other over this passed weekend as I wanted to chat and we ended up sleeping with each other instead of talking. we were dating for 10 years in total and engaged for 2.5yrs. however, we broke up as a mutual decision (or so it was in the beginning), due to differences and arguing a lot as well as financial issues (on his side). he is 5yrs older than me. I'm 24 and he's 29. he says that he feels like he failed as he isn't where he wanted to be in his life (owning a house, getting out of debt, studying further etc). he says that he is numb and confused and is in a whirlpool of emotions and doesn't want to pull me through that with him and hurt me. he says that he still loves me - always has and always will. however, he also says that if I should meet someone during our time apart that he will have to accept it and hopefully we can still be great friends as he'd always like to be there for me. then 3 days ago, when we spoke, he suggested no contact (I was about to suggest it but he beat me to it.) he then said that maybe he'd call me on Thursday (which is today.) anyway, I don't even know if he's going to call and if he does - what should I say or should I even answer his call? thing is that I'm a bit happier when I don't hear from him, it makes me a bit stronger, but the moment I hear his voice or see is name in an e-mail, my heart breaks all over again because I still love him and believe that we can somehow work things out. I also feel that we do need the time apart to grow as individuals and become independent of each other. he just wants to be alone and feels he needs space because he says that sometimes I become too much for him with all my emails on how to fix relationships or suggesting counselling etc. anyway, I don't want to appear needy because I know that I can live without him, I'm not crying my eyes out, even though my heart has this heavy feeling and dull ache every now and then. please help! also, if he doesn't call tonight, should I just leave him alone & give him more time or should I just move on with my life and forget about him? (I still have this feeling that maybe one day, our paths will find each other again.)


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  • You said it yourself: "thing is that I'm a bit happier when I don't hear from him, it makes me a bit stronger, but the moment I hear his voice or see is name in an e-mail, my heart breaks all over again."

    if he's not willing to go to counseling, and is going back and forth with you, AND if you're happier when you don't hear from him, what's the confusion? you were together a long time so this is a natural part of the process. I would end things without a single note of bitterness - and make it clear that you still love him and if he really decided what he wanted in his life and with you, he could contact you then, but until then it would be best for you both to stay out of contact and carry on with your lives. yes, there's a chance you move on and are no longer interested. but there's a chance you linger and he moves on, leaving you in the dust.

    move on with your life - when he sorts things out, since he doesn't seem to want to do it with you around, he'll realize whether or not he was wrong to let you go.

    i'm going through a very similar thing...it's very difficult - I'm happy to hear from him yet I feel very set back and hurt after. I'd rather sleep well with the knowledge that I've accepted it's OVER.

    • thanks for the response...really helps. well, he didn't call yesterday, instead he sent a text as follows: "Hey, I know I said I'll contact you today, but I think its best that I rather not. its probably best that we not communicate rather. Don't know what else to say..." that was his exact text. I didn't know what to make of it - whether he has really decided that its just over (note all his rathers and probably and all the dots at the end)...i just thought that I will not reply & leave him alone

    • yeah, don't reply. and don't engage in "how are you" or "what's up" type of texts. he knows he the person preventing you two from being together, and if he really wants you back, he knows that he has to swallow his pride and tell you clearly that's why he's contacting you. engaging in meaningless conversation with a person who just wants to make sure you're "still there" will just give you false hope and open the door to heartbreak again...