How much truth does a guy in an affair want?

I am having an affair and thinking about ending it. It has been fun for the past 2 years but its not fun anymore. The problem is I am really falling hard for him and even becoming jealous of his wife. And I hate the way it makes me feel. So my question is should I tell him the truth that I'm ending it because I love him and just can't Handel it any more or do I just make something up like I think we need to focus on our marriages? Our family's are very close so just giving him the quiet treatment till he gets the hint is not an option.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Look I will not judge you on your deeds, you had your reasons and I'm sure you weighed in the pros and cons for the affair.

    It wasn't the best of judgement for an affair especially with a close friend give the repercussions of both families and YOUR own social lives if word got out.

    Maybe I'm talking out of my ass but here is my opinion.

    Now you wanting to tell him is in the vain hope he feels the same about you, but deep down you know he doesn't feel the same, to him you two are just having fun.

    If you go ahead and tell him, I guarantee the answer he will give you is "wait, I can't leave my family now, things are complicated will do it later... but LETS CONTINUE SEEING EACH OTHER"

    So best advice is not to see him, concentrate on your husband, try to think why you are not attracted to him anymore, has your life gone routine, etc.

    If problems are irreversible in your marriage you could either leave or find another lover to get over this one...

    But be careful your husband and/or your lover might not appreciate it if you find another lover.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Trues is always the best! lies will make things only worse, and you will just make him confused. Trues, tell him only the trues. He WILL understand your position and his for that matter.

    • Thank you for actually answering the question at hand

    • no problem being in the same situation. not married though lol

  • I can already tell your husband deserves better than you.

    • just an fyi my husband has given me full permition to have an affair. He has ed due to blood flow problems and the dr say there is nothing they can do the ed meds do nothing to help. He has told me to have an affair just make sure I am safe about it. I would never have cheated before this problem and actually the affair started when we were seperated for a year although it has continued since we have gotten back together

    • he still deserves better... even if he gave you tthe OK, you should have enough pride to stick with him, that's what marrage means..

    • My god, that makes it even worse. So you're cheating on a poor guy with a medical condition who wanted to keep you so he said you could have an affair. And on top of that, you are cheating with a married man. I wouldn't even be able to look at myself in the mirror if I was you.

  • your horrible, do you not care about what happens to him if they find out? you just go off and have an affair?

    if his loved ones find out, it will ruin his life, don't participate in this kind of stuff, its horrible.

    • As I said I plan on ending it I am just not sure how to do it. This is the only affair I have ever had and I am way over my head. Also I find it funny you seem to blame only me he knows he has a family and I am not the one who started the whole thing so I feel he should think about his wife not me.

    • yes, but you still went along with it, therefore 50% of it is your fault.

      leave him now, just tell him its over.

    • I have no problem taking 50% of the blame.

What Girls Said 4

  • Some of the comments on this was very harsh, but in life, we all make mistakes and it's forgiveable if we learn from them. I would just let him know that you can't continue this with him anymore. He will probably either be okay with it or beg you to stay. Either way, BE STRONG AND LEAVE! Affairs hurt A LOT more people than a regular relationship and it's really horrible. Imagine if you were his wife and you found out. It's good that you want to end it so don't let him talk you out of it...if he does. And if he doesn't, do not regret it and run back to him. Be the strong woman that you are and leave.

    As for your have to make the decision to either stay with him and just be with only him or leave him. I know he has a medical condition and you don't want to, but it's not right to you and it's not right for him. You said he's okay with the affair, but I would rather be there for him as a friend, than be married to him and having an affair. He probably said that so you will stick around and be with him, but you can still be there for him as a friend too.

  • I was just reading the comments you received ...some of them are really harsh...but I believe its your life and no one needs to be are probably here cause you can't find a solution to your problem ...

    I think instead of telling him abt your true feelings its better to let it fizz out naturally or may be you can tell him that you want to work on your marriage ...telling him the truth will complicate the matter and its not going to help anyone...reason being : he will try to disrupt his marriage and that might even effect yours ... & I don't think you would want that to happen... It won't be easy to break up if you are in the same circle but you can make excuses to avoid being in his company... and how much ever you try it is not going to be the same and it is going to hurt you a its better you move on with your life and let him with his ...

    All the best ...

  • Depends what you want. If you want to be with him, tell him you love him. If not, then I'm not sure what the point of telling him would be. It doesn't really sound like you want to focus on your marriage, though.

  • End it now. Be honest with him as to your reasons...and please value yourself and your husband enough NEVER to allow yourself to settle for less than what you both deserve. If you're not happy in your marriage, then do something about it...or end it before you cheat again. Likewise, if you're ever single again, make sure you enter into a relationship where you can truly commit to an AVAILABLE man. Perhaps you should speak with someone about what's going on. Seems like you might have a deep-seated fear of real commitment...and/or issues with self-sabotage, self-worth. We're all human and we all make mistakes, but do your best to learn from this one so it's not repeated in the future. Good luck.

    • thanks I have no intentions of repeting this.

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