I realize I'm very young to be engaged but I am. Anyone else felt like you couldn't possibly wait?

I realize I'm very young to be engaged but I am. I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend and we knew we would get married. Were almost positive it will be March of 2013. I'll be 19 by then ad he'll be 20. It's been almost 2 years since we decided and we still have about a year an a half left. I keep getting more and more impatatient. Also, I HATE my house. I have a very bad relationship with my mom and I hate being there so that just makes it worse. Is there anything I can do to make waiting less stressful?

And please, I may not seem like it, but I'm very mature. I'm not some little girl with a crush willing to throw my life away for a boy I only like. I know it's love, I know I will spend my entire life with him. And I know it will probably be very hard for a young couple financially and college an all that stuff. I get it so PLEASE either answer the question and you can state a brief opinion if you want but if you're just gonna say, "youre too young", please don't bother. Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • I did not want to get married until 25 and not have children (if ever) until the age of 30. I got married 8 months after I turned 25. My son was born when I was 31. I am glad and thankful I wanted on both accounts. When I read your posting, it made me cringe. You really are way too young. I understand about the lousy home life. I also understand that your Christian (I am a believer myself) values are going to tell you living together is not proper. I don't have a relationship with my parents at all now. When I was 18, I joined the Navy just to get out of there entirely. I never lived with them again. So, I can relate.

    There are alternatives to getting out of the house and not getting married. Working through college, having roommates, etc. I would just encourage you two to wait. You may think you are mature already. As you get older, you may find out just how wrong you are on that one. I can't believe how immature I was at 20. I am still immature at times at 45, but it is more of a choice now. Back then, it was genuine immaturity.

    Let's say you two get married. You come up pregnant right away. You can't know how much that changes your life. Even at 31, I could not believe how much life changed at having a baby. However, at 31, I was more ready for it. At 19 or 20, no way could I have handled it then.

    I would encourage you to think and pray about this. Keep working on the foundation of your friendship. It will carry you two for the long haul. I have to ask - are you just wanting to get married to have sex so you don't give into temptation? Sex is great, fun and exciting when you are first married. As the years go by, you will need much more than just sex to keep you two intersted.

    • First off, thank you for giving genuine advice. I appreciate it. And to answer your question, no I don't want to get married just for sex. And I do realize I'm not completely mature yet but for a teenager I feel I am fairly mature compared to others and I do KNOW that I am in love. I've prayed about lots lot and know he's the one for me. But I understand waiting I just don't know if I can wait that long to start my life with him. Thanks for the advice

    • Ultimately, it is up to you two. Maybe you can beat the odds, but I can tell you that they are some steep odds. When I was in the Navy, I issued ID cards to young couples only to have them back in less than a year later with their divorce papers. I hope that you will wait, but it is up to you. Until you are married and living together, nobody but God knows what that reality will be for you two.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • A lot can happen in a couple of years. Putting that sort of pressure and stress on your relationship isn't good in my opinion. The best way to ease the stress would be to just think about it less. If the relationship still seems great years from now than by all means you can get married if you two think that is the best option but at your age I don't think you need to decide your future yet or rush into any plans.

  • Sounds like a mistake in the making. If I had a nickel for every divorced girl with a story like yours..

  • You might be legally retarded. You are a little girl. How your parents let you get engaged is absurd, you should be taken out of their custody.

    • First, I JUST asked nicely for everyone to either post something helpful or nothing at all. Second, rude. Third, you do know people used to get married at like 12 right? People think if you're young you can't possibly be in love and that is wrong and completely stupid. I realize a lot of teenagers aren't in love when they say they are giving us that reputation but it is NOT always the case. Fourth, my parents don't know. It's not an official, "hey everyone were getting married this date here's your

    • Invite!". It's just that we know it's gonna happen and that's probably when. Last, if I could I would leave my house NOW. So thank you for your kind and helpful feedback but no thanks

    • Some people simply don't belong on this board. If all they can do is offer flames instead of advice, they should just delete their account. What I think this girl is about to do is the wrong move, but you sure can put it a lot more respectful and thoughtful than this. Otherwise, just go watch another episode of Jerry Springer.

  • I saw an article about a 57 year old man marrying some 16 year old girl. You don't even know who you yourself is yet.. Why rush it!? I dated my ex (I am 28, she's 22) and she changed her mind awhile into our relationship.


What Girls Said 1

  • To answer your question (because this is more important than giving a personal opinion):

    Try to see a councilor with your mother. It may seem stupid but it can really help. My mom and I have an amazing relationship and talk about any and everything. If you don't feel like you could address the problem on your own then find a professional to talk to. But keep in mind that maybe you can talk to her? Just be very careful about what you say, people can turn on the defensive very easily, and who knows your tone of voice or even just one word you say could set her off, too. And maybe that's the problem, the two of you are so used to getting all up in arms during your conversations that you don't know how to talk normally any more.

    Other than that try to mend things, offer to help with chores, ask to go to dinner, or something. Small things to lessen the tension. Listen to her, respect her, try to understand that you're always going to be her little girl so maybe try to see where she's coming from. If you start doing that for her, she'll start doing it for you.

    If nothing at all works then try to just listen, get things done, and don't try to pick a fight- you may say you don't but we all do subconsciously at times. Pick up volunteering, get a job, join after school sports or clubs that way you don't spend as much time in the house and your mom won't get angry that you're hanging out in friends or doing drugs or something- ya know?

    But now that I've answered I do want to say one thing-

    I'm 20 and I was with my ex for a good long time and we were sure we were going to make make it till forever... Then one day things just changed. We don't know what happened but things just started going down hill. Don't rush into things. Yes you're excited but think about it this way- what about college? Marriage requires A LOT of commitment and understanding and maturity. Which you may feel you have but I really don't think you do. I'm older than you by several years and I still don't. If you want to go to college (AKA get any job that isn't a trade job) then you're going to have to pay for that, you're going to have to have time for that, what if you don't go to the same college as him? Or don't like the one you guys both agreed on? Are you going to stop seeing him or make yourself miserable because now you're married so you have to stay together?

    There's a lot of time and money required once you're married, it may not seem like it but there is. And a lot of expectations change. I'd wait until you get out of college and then get married, why rush? Waiting until you're older and both have a job and can support yourselves and live on your own and all that shows much more maturity and proves that you're actually ready for that kind of commitment.

    Two years is nothing. My parents were together ten and still ended up getting divorced, and they're twice your age, and seven times as mature.

    But that's my opinion. Take it or leave it. My answer is here as well.

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