Do I suffer from bad experience trauma?

I have been married for almost 1 year. My wife has all of a sudden started taking the extra time to look extra good for work, no longer calls me on breaks, acts distant at home and doesn't wanna go anywhere together and when I send her text asking her what she would like for lunch that I would like to walk up to her work and have lunch with her (2 miles) she never responds and instead just zips home on lunch. when asked why she didn't respond I get excuses when before she always asked me to come up and was excited about it and now...nothing. Normally I would see these as "cheating signs" because of my past experiences but this isn't like her at all. Could it be that I'm just paranoid because of my past and she is just finally content, happy and feels good about herself or could I just be blind? we dated 20 years ago madly in love we made plans but outside influence caused us to lay low for a wile because of all the drama but we lost touch with each other. I never married because I didn't wanna break my promise but she was so hurt she married and moved on and the 18 years she spent with this man kind of destroyed her. He was emotionally and verbally abusive but she stayed so her children would have the stability she never had. My wife isn't the cheating kind and she is very straight forward and honest but I don't feel that spiritual connection these days that we usually have it's like being cut off from god. Our connection was always so strong we couldn't speak each others name without a shiver and in the last couple months it's gotten so different now. Maybe she is finally happy and feels good about herself and my past experiences are making me think otherwise because of what I have been through but all the signs from her are the same as my past relationships where the woman cheated. It's just weird we live in a small town and lately we can't even enjoy a parade because she don't wanna be around certain people from work because she don't like them but yet gets up early to doll up, don't return my texts during the day, just wants to sleep all day when she gets home as an excuse to not go anywhere and seems distant wanting us to do things separate more so now than before. I'm CONFUSED ! so, could this be innocent and me taking it the wrong way because of my bad experiences ? or is my honorable wife turning into a not so honorable lady ? I just don't want to jump to conclusions and lose something precious over my being paranoid but I'm not as good as I used to be at making sense of changes.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Too many signs she is cheating w/someone at work. It could be she wants to make up for he 18 bad years by exploring other relationships. Sorry to tell you this! But on the other hand, this is a small town and wouldn't you have heard about it if she were cheating?


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What Girls Said 1

  • I would sit her down and confront her about her behavior. Seems she is going through something. If you feel she has changed, then she owes it to you to explain or at least reassure you. But everything you have said, points to cheating or at least intentions to cheat. It may not even be a physical affair, could be emotional, but either way, its not right.

    • She's not going through something,she could be cheating on him!If she's going through something she wouldn't be going to work all fancy and shiny! Sorry question asker if I made one more suspicion to you...

    • What I'm saying is she may be going through something that is making her stray. People can still make themselves look good, even though they are having troubles internally. Cheating usually isn't caused by the spouse on the other end at all, its internal conflicts within the cheater. read up on it first.

What Guys Said 1

  • Hm...Maybe you should act like her.I am serious.Maybe she is used to always calling her and texting...and being nice to her...and all of that.Now you sudden stop doing all of that,and if she notice that that means,your relationship still matters to her,and she'll will pay more attention,what you are saying and doing for her.