Setting a time for when to think about marriage?

So my boyfriend has said that he won't seriously consider marriage until he's 27. He's 24 now and I"m 21. Now I don't have a problem with this now, but in a little bit when we're a little more settled (I'm trying to find my way after I graduate in the spring) and when we have more time to spend with each other, what if we feel ready? What if we're ready to consider marriage, but he's not 27 yet? I don't really want to get to the point where we're just biding our time till he's 27 so we can marry. What do you think about setting a guideline for a proposal and marriage? Does it seem sensible or too structured for an experience this emotionally driven?

Guys, if you set a guideline like this for yourself, would you keep it even if you felt you and she were ready?

Girls, does this seem odd to you?

Thanks everyone!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Your boyfriend is wise to want to wait until his life is more established. Three years may seem like a long time, but you'll both be better off for having waited.


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you both need to sit down and talk about this. I know that at 22, I want to get my life started too, so I see where you are coming from. But sometimes it is better to wait. Wait until you know it's the right time. If you are committed and love each other now, and it's the real deal, then marriage will be a good idea a few more years down the road.

    The only reason I say wait a little, is because he doesn't sound ready now. I don't think it's fair for him to just say that at 27 he will be ready to start thinking about marriage. I think he should have goals set out for himself that would lead to marriage, but not to exclude it out just based on age. We all reach different levels in our lives at different times. Just because someone is 27 doesn't mean they are ready, and just because someone is 25 doesn't mean they are too young.

    Instead, he should focus on what it is that is holding him back from marriage. Seems like there is some hesitation on his part. And you are right, it isn't fair on you to have to wait. You have needs, goals and desires too. I think if a guy feels he is ready for marriage, then he usually acts on it. I can't see a guy waiting just because he chose a number.

    Think about it, because there are people who say they will never marry, and then they dump the person they spent 10 years with, to get engaged to someone they have only known 2 months. I think when he is ready, he will ask. Until then, I would have a timeline set out in your head. I have no idea how long you two have been together, but getting married too quickly is a bad idea. Now only you two can decide what time frame works best for you. But from his hesitation, he doesn't seem ready yet. Give it some time, talk about it and hopefully he comes around :)

    • Thanks :) Yeah, I'm definitely not ready for marriage myself, and although I know he thinks favorably of it and has said that he does want to spend the rest of his life with me, I know he's not ready as well. So yes (we've been really close friends for a year and a half, dating since February) we definitely need more time, no doubt. But I agree, it seems more of something you do when it feels right and to not be restricted by an age you set. thanks!

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