How do I look at this?

I have been keeping a lot of things inside because my husband thinks that when I talk or bring up anything about our marriage its considdered nagging.. I'm not nagging, I just assk questions anyway I stopped and been keeping things inside.. Well lately I can't hold it in, intimacy is gone, dates are gone, hanging out after kids are in bed are gone, complements are gone.. We've only been together 4 years married for 1 1/2 .. Anyway

Today I took advice that some of you posted, and I told him how I felt, keep in mind I was calm and really honestly just concerned trying to save the marriage..

So I'm trying to talk to him and he gets ofensive, starts yelling and "clearing of the bed" which really he was throwing things and not caring what hit me..calling me a b!tch and blah blah..

All I wanted to do was talk and figure out together how we can improve "us" and if he wanted to do counseling again, or if he even wanted to be with me anymore..

Idk how it got said, but somehow divorce came out.. He said he wants one.. Then when I said okk you want a divorce? He's all no YOU want the divorce. Commme on! Real immature!

I can't read his body language or read what he means, I don't know him anymore..

I don't feel the love I don't get any lovin, but if I get the divorce, ill be the bad guy, and I won't have anywhere to live, family doesn't really want me and my 2 kids... even though I've mention paying rent and paying for my own way..

I'm crushed. I just wanted to talk to him to work it out and figure out what's going on. Why does he hate me so f-en much? Why can't he just love me and hold me and take me out or make love to me or annnnything to save our marriage...?

I know the description is fague and you can't really give detailed advice due to the fact you don't know us or the situation more than what I've informed you but honestly I don't know what to do, where to go, how to make our marriage work, how to make him want to work things out, and I don't know why he's treating me like this...



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  • It really sounds to me like he has issues that really have more to do with him and how he feels about the relationship than you and how you feel about the relationship. If he was 100% into it, he would take anything you say very seriously as a concern, and want to do whatever it took to make you happy, and in turn both of you happy together.

    With my ex husband, he was very attentive..if something bothered me it mattered...But eventually, it was the total opposite, a lot like you describe. When all was said and done and our relationship was over, he admitted he already felt lke it was over...he was just going through the motions and whenever I said anything, it reminded him our relationship didn't matter to him..and he felt bad cause I really didn't give him a reason to feel that way. Flipping out and getting into an argument made him feel better, cause when I was upset and said things in anger, then it was some sort of way to justify why he shouldnt care.

    Not saying that's what's happening with the two of you, I don't know the full story and there's more to the story between my ex and I...but I tried really hard...did everything I could to keep up together and I suggest you do the same... He still says he appreciates the effort I put in, cause he knows I did love and care about him...and now he feels like he really messed up. But that's only on the time he just wasnt happy with me.

  • Give him some time to think things thru and then try and talk to him again. It might be that he is upset right now, but later he may be calm enough to talk. I know that you said you were talking calmly to him, but he might have felt that he was being attacked even if he wasn't. Give him time and you may just find out that you are not the source of the problem and that whatever is bothering him has nothing to do with you.