Is it my fault that my husband won't commit to me?

My husband and I are newlyweds. We did not start living together until married. We bought an amazing house but it needs some work.

He has a controlling sister and she was really causing us MAJOR problems surrounding our wedding. She felt a need for control over us.

It wasn't her wedding, she was included but was not given a chance to control us. So she caused a rift in our relationship. My husband sided with her and this upset and hurt me so deeply. She was very wrong, and all my family and friends agree. I have even seen a marriage counselor and priest about this issue and they also agree. (husband won't go)

So we were still fighting upon moving in and once we moved in he only brought some clothes... says that's all he really has. (not true, he has swimsuit, personal items, gifts, suits, other winter and summer clothe, etc. etc. like anyone else)

Even has a work vehicle and didn't bring that...!

I instantly got so upset and angry. For one thing he did not propose until 10+ years in and then there's the issue now with the inlaws and the specific things his sister did to cause problems... and he's basically not moving in! Those all made me freak out, I'd confront him left and right over this.

Sure, he sleeps there. He goes to his parent's every morning and every night before and after work. Carries on over there and puts no attention into our home.

This has caused major fights. I am so upset and angry that I come home to an empty house, husband is at his parent's for hours... every... single... day... also the fact they are first and not his wife.

He says he doesn't like our house, doesn't feel at home. I don't understand this. He has never tried to make it his home. He says when he comes home he never knows what he will get with me. I tell him, well gee you don't come home to me, you hardly have moved in... you expect me not to say anything? He says my complaints of this have to stop.

I am sick of his lies to get out of moving in, I am sick of this! This never should have been a problem.

It's beautiful out lately, and he's never home. He's not working on the house at all. I don't know what to do. Is this my fault? I just don't know that he'd move in if I didn't say anything about it.

He says this is driving him crazy, he can't sleep and cries all the time and went to the doctor and they suggested anti depressants. He won't get them, he also won't do counseling.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He has major problems...unfortunately they are also causing you to have major problems...unless you are lying..or withholding could this possibly be your fault? Unless maybe I would question why you stuck with some dingaling who took 10 years to propose?../:...if he cannot get his act together shortly, then I would have the wedding annulled and leave the meantime..*if you have not given up*..I would try every trick in the book to get him into the counseling which he so desperately needs...and he should listen to the song in my link very carefully...):):):

    • Thing that makes me feel at fault is he blames me for his actions, because I "bother him, non stop [about it]". He leaves out that last part.

      He comes home and I'd be so angry... I'd give it maybe 15-45 minutes and then approach him with things about what's going on. It is like you say causing me to have major problems! I am on him about this all the time, also tried not to be... makes me freak out as the months pass with him not moving in. His actions started this. He refuses to believe this.

    • He needs counseling bad..and his family is evidently half of the problem...they should be helping you...someone needs to contact his family on your behalf...but..if he won't counsel and his family won't help..then you need to employ the SYA principle...Save Your Ass...O:O

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Want company? I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that would love to spend quality time with you.

    So you have the security with your husband, and the attention of a guy friend. Best of both worlds... no?


What Girls Said 1

  • Well, I know I am way young but I know all about this, divorced parents and my sisters relationship with her husband isn't great either.

    it sounds like he may be cheating, do you know for sure that he is at his parents house? He may be living with some other girl and that is why he is reluctant to move in.. His sister is crazy, like my ex's mom. But he should not be letting her control everything. Obviously he is trying to get out of living with you and starting a 'family' with you, his sister should not be the 'god' of your relationship. You two are grown adults. He needs to speak for himself. Did you two buy the house together? Or it is just yours? Maybe just tell him this isn't working, get divorce papers and see if he signs. If he does just sign without a problem then, you R E A L L Y deserve better. Ten years before proposing? That's a little odd, if he was sure about you, he would have asked you to marry him sooner. It is not your fault at all. Don't ever think that you are the cause. What he is doing is his problem. And it is sh*tty that you have to deal with it as well. Without yelling, just ask him straight up if he wants to end it. If there is already this many problems.. In five years from now, it will only get worse, and if you have kids.. Think of how all of this will affect them. They will be in a very unhealthy home. Get out with your girlfriends or go to the spa and feel good about yourself. You don't deserve this at all.

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