First off here is my theory on why divorce is so high in the U.S., I believe that there are a few causes for this 1)sex before marriage, yes I know there are couples who have had sex before marriage and are still together but bear with me, to me it when people have sex after marriage and not before makes the relationship stronger due to the release of chemical etc., also it provides something new to the relationship that makes it stronger whereas having sex before marriage doesn't allow that to happen and can produce mixed feelings when things go awry. 2) Living together before marriage, some of you might be thinking that this would help because it would allow you to have better insight on the person to whom you are living with, while most likely being true, it allows for sex before marriage to happen which I already explained. Like having sex before marriage, moving in before marriage won't allow for anything new in the relationship once you become married and thus, allowing the marriage to not be as strong as those who would have waited. 3)Getting married to quickly. This should be a no-brainer but people still do it, so I'll elaborate. If you don't allow yourself to take the time to get to know someone before you get married you could end up with a person you absolutely loathe, a psycho, or worse. People seem to want instant gratification and don't want to take time to do anything, including relationships. I believe a good amount of time to get to know some one before you get married is at least 2 years, this isn't always true though, but it seems to be a good amount of time to really get to know someone, this is when you'll start to look past the physical attributes of someone and really get to know who they are, of course for certain people it can take a longer or shorter amount of time because some are very open and some are very discrete, but 2 years is a good rule of thumb in most cases, then I would also say that you should be engaged for at least 4-6 months before tying the knot, because once you become engaged, people will really start to show more of who they are. 4) lack of commitment. this last one can really cause some problems, it can lead to cheating, lying, and in the end divorce. I would suggest that you try to find out quickly if people have commitment issues, because it will save you a lot of grief, time, and money. Have a sense of commitment people, to me me when people say "I do" and all their vows, they are making a promise not only to each other but all who attend the wedding and God himself, if you get divorced then to me it seems you have tarnished your word. So please take marriage seriously.
Now what are your thoughts on divorce? Share your opinions, but please no flame wars or name calling or anything of that sort. What did you think of my theory on divorce? Anything you would like to add?
Most Helpful Girl
I think people didn't consider marriage any more carefully before ... but then they were financially ruined or socially ostracized for getting divorced.
Sex won't save a failing marriage. Not having sex won't make a marriage work, either. The main reason that people who wait to have sex before marriage may have longer marriages is because their church kinda "forces" them to stick it out because of social pressure and even being kicked out of their church. Sex isn't automatically a source of bonding and tenderness between two couples. It can be a source of anxiety, fighting, and undue pressure. A male who waits for marriage will often be eager, overaggressive, and more interested in finally getting his sexual tension relieved because he feels he "earned" it and his wife should understand this. A female who waits for marriage is often anxious, feels pressured and doesn't understand that men's sexual desire is like a raging hunger and they can act out of sorts when it's not fed, so may be hurt that her new husband keeps pressuring to do something that she doesn't quite like yet or that is painful and awkward for her. Believe me, sex takes as much work as the other parts of the relationship.
Living together would likely decrease people's expecations of their marriage partner, but I am not sure on that one. "New" isn't always good. Maybe the first two weeks -- but then when you find out your partner is a slob, or always expects you to do the dishes, or watches TV shows you think are stupid, or doesn't pay his/her bills ... it takes some adjustment.
Committment -- I agree. People don't have as much dignity and self-respect anymore. They are lazy in many ways. They don't pay their bills, they eat junk food and lay around, they don't put effort into communication, etc. I don't know why things have gotten this way -- maybe convenience is a double edged sword for humanity.2