Thoughts on divorce in U.S.?

First off here is my theory on why divorce is so high in the U.S., I believe that there are a few causes for this 1)sex before marriage, yes I know there are couples who have had sex before marriage and are still together but bear with me, to me it when people have sex after marriage and not before makes the relationship stronger due to the release of chemical etc., also it provides something new to the relationship that makes it stronger whereas having sex before marriage doesn't allow that to happen and can produce mixed feelings when things go awry. 2) Living together before marriage, some of you might be thinking that this would help because it would allow you to have better insight on the person to whom you are living with, while most likely being true, it allows for sex before marriage to happen which I already explained. Like having sex before marriage, moving in before marriage won't allow for anything new in the relationship once you become married and thus, allowing the marriage to not be as strong as those who would have waited. 3)Getting married to quickly. This should be a no-brainer but people still do it, so I'll elaborate. If you don't allow yourself to take the time to get to know someone before you get married you could end up with a person you absolutely loathe, a psycho, or worse. People seem to want instant gratification and don't want to take time to do anything, including relationships. I believe a good amount of time to get to know some one before you get married is at least 2 years, this isn't always true though, but it seems to be a good amount of time to really get to know someone, this is when you'll start to look past the physical attributes of someone and really get to know who they are, of course for certain people it can take a longer or shorter amount of time because some are very open and some are very discrete, but 2 years is a good rule of thumb in most cases, then I would also say that you should be engaged for at least 4-6 months before tying the knot, because once you become engaged, people will really start to show more of who they are. 4) lack of commitment. this last one can really cause some problems, it can lead to cheating, lying, and in the end divorce. I would suggest that you try to find out quickly if people have commitment issues, because it will save you a lot of grief, time, and money. Have a sense of commitment people, to me me when people say "I do" and all their vows, they are making a promise not only to each other but all who attend the wedding and God himself, if you get divorced then to me it seems you have tarnished your word. So please take marriage seriously.

Now what are your thoughts on divorce? Share your opinions, but please no flame wars or name calling or anything of that sort. What did you think of my theory on divorce? Anything you would like to add?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think people didn't consider marriage any more carefully before ... but then they were financially ruined or socially ostracized for getting divorced.

    Sex won't save a failing marriage. Not having sex won't make a marriage work, either. The main reason that people who wait to have sex before marriage may have longer marriages is because their church kinda "forces" them to stick it out because of social pressure and even being kicked out of their church. Sex isn't automatically a source of bonding and tenderness between two couples. It can be a source of anxiety, fighting, and undue pressure. A male who waits for marriage will often be eager, overaggressive, and more interested in finally getting his sexual tension relieved because he feels he "earned" it and his wife should understand this. A female who waits for marriage is often anxious, feels pressured and doesn't understand that men's sexual desire is like a raging hunger and they can act out of sorts when it's not fed, so may be hurt that her new husband keeps pressuring to do something that she doesn't quite like yet or that is painful and awkward for her. Believe me, sex takes as much work as the other parts of the relationship.

    Living together would likely decrease people's expecations of their marriage partner, but I am not sure on that one. "New" isn't always good. Maybe the first two weeks -- but then when you find out your partner is a slob, or always expects you to do the dishes, or watches TV shows you think are stupid, or doesn't pay his/her bills ... it takes some adjustment.

    Committment -- I agree. People don't have as much dignity and self-respect anymore. They are lazy in many ways. They don't pay their bills, they eat junk food and lay around, they don't put effort into communication, etc. I don't know why things have gotten this way -- maybe convenience is a double edged sword for humanity.

    • good thoughts, but I'm talking about finding the one for a person, the way marriage should be, and in that case sex does strengthen the marriage, I have talked to many people who are older than myself that are married and have been so for longer than I have been alive, they do say that sex IS VERY important in strengthening a relationship. I don't think its a matter of earning sex once you've become married, but rather it is a bonding agent so to speak. Not something to be pressured to do.

    • Theorhetically. But men and women are different when it comes to sex. It can be a bonding agent when it's in an already healthy relationship with caring and communication. It can be an agent of turmoil when its not.

    • Agreed, but I was just referring to healthy relationships.

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What Girls Said 4

  • The divorce rate really isn't as high as most people would have you believe, the commonly cited 50% is a flawed statistic in more ways than one. The amount of people who have ever been married and have also gotten divorced is actually around 33%.

    Beside that, the divorce rate has been on a decline since 1981 and in 2007 it was at its lowest since 1970. But anyway I think the most common contributing factor to divorce is people rushing into marriage.

  • In fact a lot of people tell me that couples who moved in together before marriage are less likley to stay together. It wasn't because of the sex thing but because something really complicated with one partner changing the rule or something. Or I should say they thought that's the reason, there is no proof.

    Sex before marriage is a tricky subject. Generally I would up for it, but I think guys are less likley to agree to it than girls, which makes it tricky to find someone who does. And if you have been with someone for while you want to be physically close to them and just cuddling is not gonna do it after a while.

    There are also statistics that show that marriages are more likley to last if they didn't have any previous partners, so there seems to be a correlation there too, although I have no idea why.

    Particulary taken together with not rushing into marriage, waiting becomes kinda unreasonable. I would be willing to do it if he insisted, but I don't think it's what I want, it would be like a constant struggle

    • I see what you mean but I'm not saying that you should wait for a long period of time, if you have know the person before you dated then that counts too, also If you both feel like you really connect and understand each other then I can understand a shorter waiting period before marriage. As for the sex, I think that if you wait till marriage it makes it much more pleasurable and rewarding for both, but these are just my thoughts and speculations, they aren't law so to speak. Thanks though! :D

  • I think a lot of women don't know how to be good wives and have difficulty fulfilling their role. I've found that it's very easy to please a man... just cooking for him, little gifts that are thoughtful or based on insiders, letting little things fly, when having discord in views don't yell at him and instead just be sweet. For example if he does something you have. A problem with don't critique him personally... instead of "OMG you're SO ANNOYING I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT," say "babe... I really really love you but sometimes it hurts me when you do 'X, y, and z.' Can we please work together to solve this as it really makes me unhappy." And then kiss him on the cheek and tell him how much you love him flaws and all. Greeti him with a kiss when he comes home after a long day at work... taking his shoes off (offering a massage) and then reading what's on the "menu" for dinner/dessert. also, save your nagging for later... don't do it when he comes home from work, he's TIRED. let him know your worries when he's calm. Don't belittle him next to your children or anyone for that matter. When you make a mistake, APOLOGIZE. It actually feels good to apologize (just go lay on his arms and tell him how you'd like to take back anything that was said erratically, how you love him and never want to hurt him again and just cling to his arm... show him your soft side... he will love you for it).

  • I wish your text would divorce itself.

    • I liked your theory, good thinking.

    • Show All
    • A big block of text is a mental shock :p it could use some spacing/paragraphs to make it easier to read.

    • Sorry, it was my first time writing a long statement on this website. :/ I'll get into the groove of things eventually. Thanks for your input though! :P

What Guys Said 2

  • I doubt I could agree with you more. Statistics prove your first 2 points to be true. People in this country have no patients...and do not know how to communicate effectively. They go into a marriage thinking about what my spouse can do for me...instead of...what can I do for my spouse...without expecting anything in return. As long as both partners have a servant attitude in the marriage...they won't get divorced. Dating in this country has to change also...too many people are marrying the wrong person to begin with.

  • I think people divorce a lot because of selfishness and irresponsibility, because marriage is considered to be a mutually beneficial deal, if it is not, everything fails.
    For people who just going to divorce I would recommend to check this source , very good lawyers here.

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