Marriage and Age..does it matter?

I am having quite a debate with people judging my marriage. I have been with my husband since I was 14..almost 10 years dating and over a year married. People think I am so young and should not be married. I think it's what you both go through in life with the person and how you deal together. Your communication is key. I believe that unlike alcohol and buying smokes..there is no age limit set to fall in love. It just happens. If I had only been dating my husband for 2 years at this age things would be different..but we've been through a lot in 10 years and we work. So my frustration is when people say it's a shame because I am so young and needed more time to grow and ask why are you married at all? It really bothers me..because I see people who have been dating for under 3 years getting married or even in less time.

My question is:

When is the right time to get married? Do you think it is when your 30 and been dating for only 3 years...or 24 and been together for 10 years? Does it matter and explain your opinion please.

To be clear:

I met him at age 14...and been with him for almost 10 years (married over a year) as I turn 24 this Decemeber. Not married at 14. lol.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think there's a "magic age," when it comes to getting married. My grandma was married at 17, and she's still with my grandpa. They're almost ninety now...

    I think that marriage is an issue of maturity. In those days, women were raised to be housewives. Some people are today, and some people just mature faster than others, and have readied themselves to be an adult far sooner than everyone else. How do I judge if someone is mature enough to get ready? If the main focus is "We're just so in love" and trying to throw the most beautiful wedding ever, or running off to elope, or something like that, I argue that the couple is not ready yet. The focus of the marriage, I believe, is to work hard and create a partnership that works, preparing for the future, and truly promising one another to keep the relationship going for the rest of forever. The size/fancy-ness of the wedding will be exciting, for sure, but it shouldn't be the main focus, and running off to get married without parental approval just to spite them is hardly a reason to join your life to someone else's for the rest of eternity! (Now, I understand if there end up being REAL reasons to elope... like if you are getting married for the right reason and have family/friends willing to STOP the wedding or something...) Anyway, the main thing is that younger people typically are so blinded by their infatuation that they think they are so in love they will never have any problems... And once the honeymoon phase wears off, sometimes the "crush" goes away and they are left with a relationship they weren't prepared for. That's why so many young people are getting divorced now a days. However, if somebody truly is working at a strong relationship, built off a friendship, when (if) the honeymoon phase wears off (it doesn't for EVERYBODY...) they are left with an amazing friend, and someone that they truly love to be with.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I would say no younger than 16, simply because that's the age of consent in most places. 18 is wiser, because then you're an adult almost everywhere. If you're about the same age, then the only other reason to postpone would be financial issues. Even so, waiting until you're 30 cheats you out of your best years for having children. It also means half your life is gone - along with the means to grasp early the early dynamics of marriage.

    14 is too young by about 2 years; but it sounds like you've fought hard to make it work. I respect that.

    In the end, emotional maturity is the biggest ordeal, second only to spiritual unity/maturity/compatibility.

    I've known a lot of women who were far too immature for marriage at 14 and 15, and not much better off at 28. For those women, I fear, there is not much hope.

    • Thank you! I try not to listen to the negatives..but it has been on here a lot too. It infuriates me! I think the idea that I have gone through high school, college and other life events with him makes us stronger..because those are your young and immature years. We just bought a home and we found out we have fertility issues 4 years ago ( I was 20)..So if we tried for kids when I was 30 (I wanted to be married before children) we'd be trying for years and have less of a chance to conceive.

    • The film "Idiocracy" explores that very concept. Even if it's premise of where it will lead us is a little far-fetched, the film's message does have a point.

  • No its fine everyone in my family was married at your age and my brothers fiance is younger.There's no such thing as being ready for marriage you'll never be ready you hav to just jump in. second its better when your young bef your way of life becomes to ingrained in you and you can't adapt to your spouse

    • Thank you! 100% agree! Thank you all for making me feel more positive. I feel your ready when your ready. Never doubted my engagement or upcoming nuptials at all. We have been in a honeymoon stage for 10 years still and that's more then most couples. I think it's wonderful to grow with your partner and it makes you work harder because of all the time and experiences you've gone through with your spouse. Thanks again.

What Girls Said 1

  • Dont worry about what other people think, plus there is never a right or wrong time either