How long is long enough to marry each other and will he be scaryed if I said no the first time?

So my boyfriend of about five months asked me to marry him. I said yes I do want to marry him, but I want both of us to finish school first. Also I don't know if he really loves me. I think he is just jumping at marriage because of the new relationship feeling that he has. He has had four ex girlfriends and he's my first boyfriend. I'm 18 and he's 21. I told him that I wanted to wait, but the already told his father and some of his close friends. Will he be scaryed to ask next time when both of us are finish with school? How long is long enough to get married?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Marriage is a lot more complicated than a lot of people think it is.

    Suddenly little things that weren't a big deal before are HUGE. Everyone laughs about it and denies but I swear every person has some "When the f*** did this start to matter?" moment.

    Wait until you're ready. Wait until he has a job. Wait until the end of the "honeymoon" phase. Wait until you actually know each other REALLY well. Wait until you know you can live together (try spending a week together living in the same place, spending that much time with a person can really put things in perspective. Wait until you're both out of college. He's a lot older than you (maturity wise, that whole age group is pretty iffy). Hell you can't even drink yet! You're just barely legal to buy cigarettes and sh*t! Every one will regret it if you jump into it.

    Sit down and talk to him. Let him know that you were nervous and scared to say no but you're really not ready. If he can't handle that, or argues it, or something, then CLEARLY he is not worth dating. Not only does he not respect your comfort and what you're ready for, but he's not ready for a mature relationship. Marriage doesn't happen after five months, marriage isn't something to be taken that lightly and is a lot more work and money than he is expecting.

    Neither of you are ready, so give it time.


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  • That was very wise of you, generally during the first year you're still in the honeymoon phase where everything is new and exciting and you haven't started getting annoyed with each other yet.

    If he still feels the same when you two are done with school (which I assume is in a few years or more?), your relationship will probably be a lot more stable. Generally I'd think it was too early to get married if you've been together less than 3 years. It is obviously different for everyone though.

  • well, don't marry him unless he has a stable job. I guess you're too young to know this, but engagement ring costs about 3 months of his salary. Unless he proposes to you with a real ring (which, especially when you're young, demonstrates that he can take care of his own family), I wouldn't call it a serious proposal, especially when you're so young.