Is there anything left to a relationship if one doesn't want to get married now?

If you told your boyfriend/girlfriend that you wanted to get married and they said they wanted to wait...what is left of the relationship? False hope?

How do you even get it out of your head and try to keep the relationship alive?


Most Helpful Guy

  • How about the fact that you've gone as long as you have loving each other, without a document stating you have to? How about all the things you've experienced together up to this point and the desire to experience more of that at some point in the future. While he may not want to get married right this minute why should you have to feel like it's suddenly over?

    A marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly, it's more than just a commitment not to be with anyone else. It's a huge responsibility for both people, and a stressful undertaking. If he said not right now then maybe it's because he's worried about the future, work, family a mortgage, and is scared to fill his head with the stress of a ceremony just yet on top of it.

    Ask yourself something, Was marriage the only reason you entered the relationship at all? if so then maybe you should rethink your position in it. If it's just that you want a commitment then keep in mind that you technically already have it and if "not right now" destroys that then maybe you're just seeking that official "finish line" that proves you're committed to the world. It shouldn't be that, it should mark an exciting future for the both of you. After you do that, go talk to HIM about why he wants to wait, listen to his reasons and give him time to voice them in a calm manner because chances are he just said it to delay thinking about it at all and hasn't fully formed his thoughts yet in a way to be presented to you. Don't brow beat him for an answer. If he's able to voice any of his fears or concerns try to agree to discuss them again at a later (let's say 2 months) this way he'll have a chance to think about it without feeling like he's going to be ambushed with the question and maybe he will feel like he can handle tying the knot.

    That's my opinion anyway.

    • Thank you for the very well thought out response. But I have to say "worry about the future?" How so? Of course I entered the relationship in the hopes to find someone to be with forever...isnt that what relationships are based around? But that wasn't all I was after. I want more that to be just bf/gf. I want forever...To me him telling me lets wait til after we buy a house...that is an insult and he has no interest. I have no time for someone who doesn't want me.

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    • Worried about the future, meaning being able to take care of all the things I mentioned, family, work, being a provider, handling his part of the wedding, being able to buy a home. etc... He's enjoying the "now" with you and the thought of all this other stuff could be stressful. This is why I said you should discuss his deeper reasons for wanting to wait; the communication part of your relationship, get a better understanding of where he stands and why.

    • isn't all about him. I am stating that if he doesn't want to now...IF I wait at all and he should ask me in the near future...I WILL NOT do it. When I wanted to he didn't so he can forget it and move on.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Hi again. Just saw that you want it to be forever. My thought on the matter is that you're closer to forever now than if you bail or sabotage the relationship and have to start over. What if you get fed up, bail, then can't find anyone else good enough? Would you marry anyone willing to have you and just suffer through it, or would you seriously regret letting the words "lets wait" ruin everything? Think it through without getting emotional about it. Maybe he'll do it, but wants to surprise you, or at least make it seem like he's doing it because he wants to and not just because you demanded it. Guys like to have control like that. He might just wait until you haven't mentioned it for a month then do it out of the blue.

    Just settle down about it and see what happens.

    • Ok. But why should it all be on his terms. I did not demand anything from him at all. I just simply said "i would like to be engaged." To me let's wait means an insult and a slap in the face. And honestly once I get insulted or knocked down...I can never forgive. Its not just a thing with guys, but anyone. I can tell you that I won't let him have that control...because IF I do stick it out, when the time comes I am not doing it. I truthfully do not believe him. Its false hope

    • Based on that, I'd say he's not the guy you should marry anyway. I don't really have anything else to add.

  • Marriage should be because both people want it, not because one person threw a hissy fit or laid down an ultimatum.

    "If you told your boyfriend/girlfriend that you wanted to get married and they said they wanted to wait...what is left of the relationship?"

    That's like 99% of all relationships. Girls want to get married. Guys don't.

    You know what happens? They get married. When the guy is ready.

    You though, seem like you're ready to self-destruct everything because he won't jump to your time table.

    • I didn't give any ultimatum. I simply said I would like to get engaged...I didn't say "oh we need to right now!" that's not how it went at all. You say jump to my timetable? What about me having to jump to his? Why should I wait on false hope and promises?

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    • "This time is it my way or no way"

      There's the ultimatum I mentioned. (The one you insisted you didn't have...)

    • The comment "this time it is my way or no way"...was NEVER said to him. I simply told him I would like to be engaged. There is no ultimatum in that. There is nothing wrong with how I presented it to him. You can't seem to tell me what is left of a relationship if one party doesn't want to get married.

      You keep saying I am, why? What is your reasoning behind that?

  • He didn't say, that he didn't want to get married. He just said wait. (how long...idk)

    So he is going to marry you, when is the question.

    • How long does one wait? What is left of the relationship to work for? He apparently isn't that interested in marrying.

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    • In my eyes...marriage is true love. Otherwise it is just being friends/roommates. Why don't people get married? Is it scared of commitment?

    • Your opinion. For some people it is commitment. For OTHERS its the TIME or the SITUATION that they happen to be in.

What Girls Said 3

  • If they said they wanted to wait, then there's nothing to be so sad about, and to just keep doing what you're doing. Maybe that person's not ready yet, and they're still trying to figure it out. Just because the majority of the population, marries and gets divorces, doesn't mean that it's going to be everybody

    • understood, but what is left of the relationship to work for? They want me to sit around and wait...or decide if I am worth marrying? I believe it is just false hope.

  • I don't mean to sound like a B. But if he really loved you, he would want to get married. What person in the world wouldn't want to marry someone whom he/she loves knowing that the person they love is what he/she wants. I think what he is really trying to say is "I do want to get married, I just don't want to marry you."

    • He wants to wait til after we get settled with a house. To me...he wants to be on the deed to my house, and that gives him free reign to live there as just bf/gf. Then to change and say "oh well things have worked great up to this point why do we have to get married." I don't want that.

    • That's true.

    • I think he is waiting also to see how things pan out with this house. I am not into that.

  • I think it'd be alright, the issue might be the change/expectation of what happens during a marriage. Is it about moving in together? Is it about having children? What exactly is the issue that needs addressing?

    • When one is turned down on marriage it is a slap in the face and an insult. To me...what is left of a relationship when they are turned down on something so big...NOTHING. So...what is left of a relationship.

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    • Okay, if you think there is nothing left, why are you asking what's left? I'm telling you that there is a possibility that there is something left because you haven't even asked the guy why. If you don't want to find out from the source, you can have all these answers on here but they might not relate to your specific situation. Cya

    • he wants to wait until we buy a me once that happens and he goes on a deed to a house, then he has every right to be there. and then marriage will NEVER happen. He will see no way to change things at that point.

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