Will he EVER want to marry me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, like any relationship we have had our rough patches but we really are happy together. My boyfriend's parents divorced when he was an awkward age(14) and it has scarred him to the point where he thinks marriage is hopeless. He has said that he thinks it is necessary to date for 10 years before marriage, which I have made clear would not fly with me. However he has introduced me to nearly all of his family, is planning to introduce me to his extended family from out of state, and this week said that he was excited that I was staying over at his place while his roommates are out of town because "it's like we live together." Am I fooling myself by thinking he'll change his mind and potentially propose to me before 10 years?


Most Helpful Guy

  • hard to say.

    has he made any sacrifices for you? by that I mean, he had his mind set on A (something with friends, fun, money) but because of you, he did B instead as B was an investment (of time / mindshare / effort) in you and in a relationship with you.

    • Definitely, if he is supposed to go out bar hopping but we are arguing he will stay behind to work through things. Also, more recently he has been homesick and had decided to go visit his parents this weekend but last minute I asked him if he would accompany me to a friends wedding and he agreed, but only if I would dance with him...

    • that's great. 10 years to wait to get married is ridiculously long IMHO - exactly what can you find out about a person in 10 years that you can't find out in 3 years, or 5 max?

      If a person has lived with you for over 3 year and they are not sure if they want to marry you or not, tagging on another 7 is highly unlikely to change that equation.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Is he a member of the Men's Rights Movement? Marriage is designed to screw over the male and is a burden in its current state. Your guy can love you without getting the government involved. If marriage was never invented, would it make sense to invent it?

    Marriage is scary. I side with your guy. Being a product of divorce and being in the military where marriages end terribly I don't want to do it either.

    • i am absolutely terrified that my guy subscribes to your philosophy. I love him very much, but I'm not sure that I could continue dating him knowing that he would never get married.

    • yeah, but all it takes is for a guy to listen to their dad complain about all of the stuff they lost in the divorce and to look at the statistics to see that marriage is usually not worth it. Plus with a divorce rate over 50% you know you are eventually going to deal with the unfair divorce courts. Marriage doesn't do much for guys at all anymore.

  • 10 years is way too long, but 2 years is way too short. Be more patient. Guys need to have their lives in order and love the girl before they are ready. You are 24 or younger, and that's way young to get married...

    • I definitely agree, we are not old enough to be getting married yet, I just want to know that when 26 rolls around and we are more established in our careers/out of school he won't still be thinking we are way too young, or haven't been dating nearly long enough for him to start deciding whether or not he wants to marry me.

    • Look, too many girls have this adgenda at your age. Too many marriages happen this way, and they don't last. Wouldn't you feel better if he just wanted to do it because he wants to? Obviously you are ready before him, but you will never know it is real unless you let it happen organically. Its not a waste of time if you are thinking that way. Don't pressure him and don't rush it. Just because you have an idea of how you want your life to be doesn't mean that is his vision.

  • He may never want to marry you.

    Some people just don't believe in marriage. Period.

  • 10 years seems like an arbitrary number just to give you a smidge of hope or something.

    • He hasn't said he will propose to me in 10 years, he's just agreed with firends of his who waited 10 years to get engaged...

What Girls Said 1

  • If he's flat out told you that he will wait 10 years then more than likely that is what he is planning on doing. He seems to be afraid of commitment and he gives you the 10 year deadline because it seems too far off into the future for him to start worrying about it. When it actually gets close to the 10 year mark, he might prolong it even more depending on his fear. My sister and her boyfriend have been together, unmarried, for 10 years but they never imagined that they would be there. They had the dream of getting married of course but they are not financially stable to have the wedding of their dreams. A paper really shouldn't make a difference. A marriage is not a wedding and people seem to think they are the same thing, when really you should be living your marriage since the moment you two decide that you are serious about each other. That is just my point of view. Who knows, his opinion might change in 2 years, maybe 3, or 5, because people grow and they see things differently.

    • He hasn't exactly said "I'm going to get married in 10 years." More like hinted that 5-10 years is a good amount of time to date before marriage. He too, is worried about his financial stability but we are both very motivated individuals, and we are almost finished getting our undergrad degrees, so I certainly wouldn't expect a proposal before then. I just hope that at the end of the day he is as committed to our relationship as I am, and willing to consider the idea of marrying me...

    • I think it's so strange that guys have this mentality as if once you get married then it's all down hill. I can understand his point of view being that he was scared and all but perhaps he is just being cautious with it. All the things you two are doing is like he wants to get married in theory but in practice it is a bigger risk. It's going to be much easier once you both get settled, as it will feel natural to him by then. If he's been consistent with you, showing you that he loves you, then

    • i think you should not have to worry too much.

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