How do I deal with my husband not supporting my vegan lifestyle?

Just gave birth to twins. I switched from a vegetarian diet to a carnivorous diet now, post pregnancy, switching back to a vegan diet. I have a very strong meaningful reason for choosing a vegan lifestyle, it makes me who I am.

During a fight my husband mocked me crying about what I saw in the "Vegucated" video: animals being brutally mistreated.

His actions hurt me so badly. I feel terribly betrayed. He mocked my tears and pain as if they were a funny joke. Not to mention his insensitivity towards animal abuse..


Most Helpful Girl

  • Frankly, the fact that most people don't care about the torture of billions of animals that happens on a daily basis just so we can have something that tastes nice, and in fact make the torture continue by buying factory farm meat, is absolutely beyond me.

    Do you have pets or does your husband like certain animals (cats/dogs)? Maybe you can help him understand by telling him it's just like people torturing and killing those animals. If he saw someone brutally torturing and killing a dog, surely that would shock him? Most people (for some bizarre reason) are much more sensitive to this than to the idea of people doing similar harm to pigs, cows, and chickens.

    Alternatively, you could explain that pigs are just as intelligent as human toddlers and can suffer like humans. The difference between humans and other mammals is not that huge when it comes to the way they suffer. Would he be OK with billions of children being raised and killed in factory farms? I'm sure he would abhor that idea.

    Good luck, and congratulations on the twins!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • IMO, he's being insensitive, but you're being OVERLY sensitive. I get that you don't like animal abuse, and that's completely understandable, but those videos only show you the worst 1%. If I showed you videos men behaving badly, only showing you the worst 1% of men, and telling you that this represents men in general, you'd either know I was full of it, or you'd hate all men. If the latter, then you'd have been successfully manipulated by me into believing a lie, even though the stuff on the video was true.

    He made fun of you because you OVER reacted, not because he is completely insensitive to the plight of those specific animals. He just realizes that you're being manipulated by being shown a small example of the worst that happens, and then having it implied that this is the norm. It isn't. Still, it was insensitive for him to respond that way, I agree.

    You need to talk this out when you can be calm about it. Let him know that you "get" why he disagrees, but that it hurts when he teases you like that. He probably doesn't realize that he's hurt you as much as he did; he likely just intended to be funny.

    • This is unfortunately true for more than 1% of factory farms. America is about making money regardless if it is at another's expense. But animals meant for food have no rights, allowing many factories to do what they wish. Boiling pigs alive, using pliers to remove pigs' teeth, tail and castration all without painkillers. Have you ever seen such a thing? Chickens shot full of hormones their bodies grow faster than their legs can carry, they're left to barely move.. It is a terrible

    • The 1% statistic is absolute rubbish, the vast majority of animals consumed by men live and die in dire conditions.

    • throw out your percentage then dominique

  • I think the problem here is that you very obviously take this to a level that goes beyond just eating habits. The fact that you choose to refer to omnivorous eating habits (eating both plant and animal based foods) as carnivorous (eating animal based foods only) is a hint of that. While your husband is most certainly not being as supportive as he should, the fact is regard a nutrition choice as being like a religion. As long as you do not accept that your eating habits are just what they are: what you choose to eat at the dinner table every night, nothing more, you will continue to run into these situations throughout life, with your husband, and with other people in general.

  • I would say just drop it and move on. That was probably just one little thing he did to just get you going. Probably didn't realize it was really hurting you. Now I think if he keeps mentioning it then you need to get him back in line.

  • you can't really do anything except talk through it. but you know they have chickens and stuff at the farmers market that are free range and humane? the human body is designed to be omnivorous...

    • Your right there are meat choices marked as humane. They still castrate pigs without painkillers. They say they use string they say to tie the organ off, and it "falls" off without having to be removed. That is a lie. There is no guarantee their intentions are always good. Animals meant for food do not have any rights that protect them. I don't support slaughter in anyway.

What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think this is problem about your vegan lifestyle. This is a general disrespect and disregard for your beliefs and personal wishes. For some it can be your issue which is your vegan lifestyle, for others it could be religion or line of work. Whatever the issue is, nothing hurts more than someone who claims to love you not supporting you, or at least allowing you to practice freely and comfortably.

    I have a hard time believing that he hasn't exhibited this kind of "selfish" behavior before. Anyone who does that generally has a character issue. I would love to say, explain to him how this makes you feel, he'll understand, but I don't think that is a reality.

    I think you have to stop acting like a victim about it. I'm not sure what the inner workings of your relationship is, but you have to get him to understand that this is who you are, and this is how you're going to be. He's going to have to take it or leave it and you "refuse" to allow him to make you feel bad about it. And that's just it. You have to go on about it and not allow him to see that what he says affects you or else like a bully, he'll keep trying to pick at you. Once he sees it doesn't affect you, he'll have to make a decision to accept it or not.

    Trying to convince otherwise will just give you gray hair and heartache. I would try one real push at a heart to heart...he is your husband and you have to learn to work through these difficult patches, but if he isn't responsive, put your foot down, don't allow him to victimize you and do what makes you happy.

    Good luck...

  • You should set up boundaries about what is acceptable during a fight and what is not. It won't be your last fight but things like mocking feelings or bringing up the past or family members are a few examples are what are not acceptable in my book. It's hard to do when strong emotions are flying but it shows that despite the argument there is still respect between the two of you. Actually bringing up anything other than the subject at hand is bad and shows that there are probably other issues that need to be discussed at another time.

  • Dude, no those Freaking Peta videos lie, not everything in America is like that, also its probably cheaper to not be a vegan, I've seen the price of Tofu and Soy, its not pretty.

    Although if you have a strong reason to be Vegan be vegan no matter what your husband says, its your lifestyle.

    • My husband makes sure I know how much he loves me and supports me. But when he says things like "you sit there an cry when a little piggy gets his balls ripped off". That had to be the most disturbing thing I've ever heard and saw in my life. He threw it in my face like it was a joke, just like my reasonings for making these vegan choices are a joke. I feel so strongly about it and the man that takes care of me and our twin boys treats me like that. It hurts more than my mother doing the same.

    • Well what you do is your choice, and I hope when you make your decision its your own.

  • He's just being a jerk. Ignore him, and move on. You have your twins to worry and cry about. There is nothing you can do about the animals being mistreated unfortunately. Congrats on your new babies and keep up the healthy lifestyle.

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